What have I been up to?

I am so sorry I haven't been posting in, what, 2 weeks? 3?

We've been sick for some of this time (bad icky sick, stomach bug going around). Jon just had his spring break and so I got to enjoy my hubby a little more! And well, I fell off 'the wagon' so to speak- got out of habit of posting! (every time I use a figure of speech, I wonder if I just think it is a figure of speech and I am making one up, saying it wrong you know? I really did grow up in Italy! Please don't think I am weird.)

Others often ask me what I have been up to. I have to stop and wonder about that too. Let's see: I tell "no" and "don't do that" about 7,000 times a day to my almost 9 month old. I try and do 10 things at once (check email, watch Jeremiah, put up some toys up, read, answer a phone call, try to make a phone call or write an email, cook, clean, clean Jeremiah's mess, and just doing nothing on the computer). What do I do? Staying at home makes you feel like you don't' really do anything, although it isn't true. I know I am doing what I need and want to be doing: taking care of Jeremiah. It is frustrating and wonderful at the same time!

A lot goes inside my head too though and I'd like to share that for it is very intersting: I thought a lot about a woman's identity in Christ and not in temporal roles, about politics, war, peace, about marital relationship and how to strengthen mine, about prayer and God, the environment and what am I doing about it, a lot about consumerism and how even Christians are highly consumerists and how can I change that...I am always thinking of how I'd convey my musings and ideas to others. If you ever take a trip into my brain you would feel like you are at once sitting at an UN conference, a theological seminar and a rally. I think about how I want to change the world and I come up with all kinds of ideas and I used to think everyone else did too. Finally after my dh, my sister, my counselor and several other people told me that no, most people didn't, it hit me that I am the weird one. So although my laundry is not finished, the kitchen is still a wreck, the meal in the crockpot I made up and hope it tastes fine and Jeremiah chipped the entertainment center (he manage to take a piece of the plywood off...don't ask me how...I was on the computer), in my mind I finished my my first draft on a lengthy essay on a woman's value in Christianity and added another chapter in my book about Christians and grief and started a new group that engages Christians and others to stop thinking and acting in consumerist ways and finding ways to diminish our consumerist instincts.

Maybe I'll blog about my imaginative life more often.

Quote of the Week

But in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.
- Benjamin Franklin

The Kind of Wife Every Husband Needs

Sorry I have been gone for a while. I had a busy week and actually it can be good to take a break!

While I was out 'surfing' a couple weeks ago I found this blog post I really enjoyed. I asked the author if I could share it so here it is. I thought it was well said. Being a vocal girl as well as one who believes what I am thinking and need or want should be obvious to the one who loves me (a.k.a. my husband), this was a good reminder that, well, it isn't about us girls all the time and being a wife is indeed a lot like being the very best friend on the earth. Reminds me of an Italian saying, :

Nessuno puo' trovare un amico perche' nessuno cerca di esserlo
(No one finds a friend because no one is trying to be one)

The Kind of Wife Every Husband Needs

I remember the day it started to sink in. We had vowed to stay together “for better or for worse.” I had pictured that to be tornadoes, job losses and unexpected deaths. Why didn’t anyone look me in the face and say, “Sometimes your spouse will be the ‘for worse’ part, and sometimes it will be YOU!” ? You know what? Someone probably did say that, and just like all of the marriage books I had read, as soon as I felt an ounce of conviction on my own life, and I shut the book and moved along. I was looking for someone to tell me what I wanted to hear – how to fix my husband! In the meantime, I was rejecting all that God wanted me to be.

Ten years and three kids later, I’ve learned a few things. One of those is that I still have so much more to learn! There are many more blessings and many more difficult times to come. I just want to tell you three simple things I ignored, as God was yelling them into my ear (whispering didn’t seem to be working!).

Tell your husband what you want and need. It would be gloriously romantic if he could read your mind about everything. However, he won’t … because he can’t. That doesn’t make him a jerk. It just makes him human. You’re not losing out if you have to verbalize things for him. Instead, you’re giving him the opportunity to help you and express his love for you in the best way possible. “Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned, as it were, with salt, so that you may know how you should respond to each person.” Colossians 4:6

Be his safe haven. Ladies, we’re verbal. Some of us are TERRIBLY verbal! That’s when we start to cross the line from being articulate and outgoing … to just plain sinful. Your husband needs to know that even if he falls on his face, he can come to you as a place of accountability, confession and then know that you will help him to continue to grow in his journey with Christ. The way we speak about our husbands (to them, and to others) will either help or hurt them as they slowly develop into stronger spiritual leaders in our homes. If you need counsel in your marriage, seek out a person with more life experience, and whose walk with Christ is obviously bearing fruit. Ninety-nine percent of the time, that does not include peers, co-workers or family. Give your husband the assurance that his name is safe on your tongue. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Proverbs 18:21

Let your marriage be an act of worship. You really can simplify some of this down. The closer you are to Christ, the more you see things through His eyes, and understand His heart. The way you serve your husband, speak to your husband, share intimacy with your husband … it is all an act of worship to your God! Every time there has been some sort of problem in my marriage, it has ALWAYS come down to being a spiritual problem. We are to bring glory and honor to our Creator, each and every day. One way we can do that is by honoring the marriage covenant we have made. “The people whom I formed for Myself, will declare My praise.” Isaiah 43:21

What Love Means to a Child

(This was sent to me from a dear friend and it is always warms my heart to read it! Talk about putting 'flesh' on the word Love!)

Adults should take lessons from some of these kids!!! A group of
professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year olds.

"What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than
anyone could have imagined.



1. When my grandma got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toe
nails anymore. So my grandpa does it for her now all the time, even when
his hands got arthritis too. That's love. Rebecca - age 8


2. When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just
know that your name is safe in their mouths. Billy - age 4

3. Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving Cologne and
they go out and smell each other. Kari - age 5


4. Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your french
fries without making them give you any of theirs. Chrissy - age 6


5. Love is what makes you smile when you're tired. Terri - age


6. Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip
before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK. Danny - age 7


7. Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing,
you still want to be together and you talk more. My mommy and my daddy are
like that. They look gross when they kiss. Emily - age 8


8. Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening
presents and listen. Bobby - age 7


9. If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who
you hate. Nikki - age 6


10. Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it every
day. Noelle - age 7


11. Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still
friends even after they know each other so well. Tommy - age 6


12. During my piano recital, I was on stage and I was scared. I looked at
all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the
only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore. Cindy - age 8


13. My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing
me to sleep at night. Clare - age 6

14. Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken. Elaine - age 5


15. Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is
handsomer than Robert Redford. Chris - age 7

16. Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone
all day. Mary Ann - age 4

17. When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars
come out of you. Karen - age 7

18. Love is when mommy sees daddy on the toilet and doesn't think it's
gross. Mark - age 6


19. You really shouldn't say "I LOVE YOU" unless you mean it. But if you
mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget. Jessica - age 8



And the winner was a 4 year old child whose next door neighbor was an
elderly man who had just lost his wife. When the child saw the man cry, the
little boy went over into the man's yard and climbed on top of the man's lap
and just sat there. When the boy's mother asked him what he'd said to the
neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry."

This last one is SO SPECIAL to me. I have sort of been in the place of the 'elderly man' and I know for myself that when others will come and 'cry' with you, just grieve with you, it is truly amazing: I have felt the pain wash away with the tears of someone who truly cares.

P.S. I am not one for pictures of Jesus, because it isn't his 'physical' appearance that was important, in fact Isaiah said he was nothing to look at really, BUT to have an image, an idea of Jesus in action, Love in action, has always been beautiful for me to see (not just the Jesus standing there, light brown hair and blue eyes and white complexion. We pretty much know that THAT Jesus was nothing like what he looked like- or was about)

Jesus be my Valentine :)

I was telling my friend and neighbor Stephanie today that I wish this day wasn't only about couples and that kind of romantic love, but just about love, simple yet wonderful, for everyone at every time in life. I am so blessed to have that kind of 'romantic' love, being married, although realistically, for us it isn't always 'passionate' and 'romantic' like those nice chick-flicks, but we do like to celebrate that part of our relationship. But it is just a part, and not the whole, and not the foundation. The foundation is and must be agape-like love: that is selfless and unconditional. Maybe Valentine's Day could be called Love Day or Jesus's Day! I believe He embodied and still does today what Love is really about, for everyone, all the time, everywhere.

I thought about looking for a poem about Jesus and Valentine's Day and though I found them they were kind of cheesy. I had these great intentions of sending some Valentine emails/cards to some friends who I know need the extra 'pick me up' during this kind of holiday (single, divorced, just plain lonely). I then realized that Jesus Himself sent His Valentine gift: His undying Love, demonstrated everyday and culminating at the cross. And His Holy Spirit, alive and active in us, if we only welcome it. God's gift, God's valentine to us: Jesus. I know this sounds all cheesy as well. Here is a verse I read the other day. There are thousands more, every word is part of His Story for us, and the purpose, the meaning, the central reason for all of this life is to love us. I remember still this day when I thought about having children. It is because it is beautifully and fulfilling to give love. Even if not children of your own, even if adults, older people, people from different countries or backgrounds or even with a complete different mindset as yours...it is still the most beautiful thing in the world: giving Love and receiving it.

"I have loved YOU with an everlasting love. I have drawn you with my loving-kindness (hesed=everlasting presence of love) "Jeremiah 31:3

Sometimes you need to put flesh on Jesus to understand this love. Check and see what some children said about love in the next (above) post!

In the meantime: I wish you love, now and always and forever!

Happy Belated Birthday Mr. Presdient!

Yeasterday was Mr. Lincoln's Birthday. I still remember the day Dr. Hayney in our History 101 class got all emotional and even shed a few tears remembering this great man of American History. Another person who 'dared to be the difference'. So Happy Birthday Abe!

The probability that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause we believe to be just. ~ Abraham Lincoln

This last quote reminds me of my dad! He used to say this to me I don't know how many times. He is such a teaser :) It is believed to belong to Mr. Abe himself:

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

Tale Madre, Tale Figlia

Like mother as daughter, the saying goes...

And true enough, I am my mother's daughter. I used to think that it was somewhat silly that my mom would spend all her extra money solely on books. That is until I realized, after hours of thinking and agonizing on what I should buy, that I really just wanted to buy books. And guess what I did with all my Christmas money? I bought books. I am now very much at peace, and even secretly happy that I have such a fascination with books (that I read them all or not). This is a big part of me like it is with my mom. And I think my mom is great.
So now all my $ has gone to reading material... with some left for chocolate and cappuccino to go along with it. And if I ever get some extra again...you will know where to find me: browsing the bookstore (though in this modern age I might be inclined to buy them from Amazon..more books for me!)

I love you mom!

I must count my blessings

It isn't easy to do, 'count your blessings.' I sometimes resented that because it made me feel like that meant my sorrows were not valid, unimportant, that if they hurt me than something was wrong with me, I was sinning.
BUT...a few weeks ago I realized I did a terrible thing (for me, myself): I forgot to write a Christmas letter to Gioia and put it in her stocking. I have done this every Christmas since she died. It was/is a tradition. Being sick, busy with a 6 month old, and just busy w/ the holidays, I forgot to do it. I immediately wrote in her diary. I know this doesn't hurt her, she isn't capable of feeling the pain of a forgetful mother, and plus I do this for myself, for my continual healing process of not having her with me everyday (you can bet I miss her and think of her everyday. Especially holidays are hard, when we are with extended family and you know someone is really missing then).

I was writing to her, in a special diary I haven't written in a long time, and realized that although I haven't been writing to her, I have been talking to her, and not just to myself, but to many others, to friends who have been alongside my journey off and on, sometimes all along, some of them sort of new to my heartache. And it HIT ME: I am so blessed, I actually have people I can talk to about Gioia and who listen, and do not judge, and who want to listen, and do not run away uncomfortable about talking about pain and death.

I tend to look at the negative side: most people don't want to talk about Gioia and change subject if I bring it up. But, there is a huge positive side: there are people, and probably I am blessed to have more than most, who do and want to hear about Gioia and share this part of my life. I am blessed. I am not 'doing' this alone. I have someone to share with and confide with. And not just with my internet community, but I mean in real life!

I would love to write down their names here, all those beautiful people who have had the courage and patience and love to walk with me and share with me the beauty and the pain, the joy and the sorrow of having and losing Gioia here on earth. But they are in my heart. Your 'gift' will never be forgotten and I count you as my most precious 'blessings' and ;bringers of healing.'

ps If my friend Jacqui, Jackson's mom, ever reads this: thank you for all you have done for me, sending me love and comfort and memories to cherish through the mail throughout the past three years!

Sorrow and laughter are both good

I won't look up the verse right now, but you know the one in Proverbs that says "Laughter is medicine for the heart." Well, the other day I heard the same author (I believe Solomon wrote most of Proverbs) in his book Ecclesiastes wrote in 7:3: Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart.

So which one is it? I don't' remember the chapter/verse also for this one, but I remember someone pointing out that in the same book of Proverbs we have a verse that say "Do not respond a fool according to his folly" and then a little later "respond to a fool according to his folly" (again, something like that). The preacher/teacher was saying that this points out to a huge contradiction, which would seem to justify the Bible not being so reliable after all (I have to admit I have dealt with such feelings before, even now with certain verses of the Bible that seem to clash). Which one instruction do we follow? Which one is the correct one? Well...maybe both are. I know this might be elementary for some of you (do you say that in English? "elementary", you know, like "Elementary, Watson?"...I am literal-translating from Italian), but for me this was a light bulb. Why can't they both be right. Sometimes you should reply to someone stupid, sometimes you should not. And we need God's wisdom to distinguished both.

In Ecclesiastes again the author says there is a time for everything. A time to laugh and a time to mourn. Neither is wrong. So, although laughter is good medicine (and I intend to get a good fun movie tonight, as a prescription for my heart), sorrow is also good, although it's effects are not immediate like laughter. And it definitely does not feel good to your heart. I think the truth is that it is good for our character, for our whole person, not just how we 'feel and think' with our heart. The person who shared this verse also shared this part of a devotional with me: God never uses anyone to a great degree until He breaks the person completely. Joseph experienced more sorrow than the other sons of Jacob, and it led him into a ministry of food for all the nations For this reason, the Holy Spirit said of him, "Joseph is a fruitful vine...near a spring, whose branches climb over a wall" (Gen. 49:22). It takes sorrow to expand and deepen the soul.

Some people sing the song "Break My Heart" and I think...do they know what they are asking? It really hurts, when God breaks are heart. But it is good for us. A kind of good that does n' t translate in our human terms, that doesn't taste good, but tastes like sorrow and grief and wretchedness, like the cup of Christ.

Laughter and sorrow are both good. But it is through sorrow that we have the opportunity to reach out the most to others and give them God's love.

Tell me about YOU!

So, instead of doing that tag thing, I will just ask my readers some weird questions (just kidding!).
Just reply in the comments! I will too :)
1. What book are you (mostly) reading right now?
2. If you could travel anywhere, all expenses paid, where would you go?
3. If you had been born in another historical time, what would that be?
4. What's your usual breakfast? (do you have breakfast?)
5. Name one of your favorite writers.
6. Dogs or cats?
7. Art or science?
8. Your favorite (or one of your favorite) oldie movie (if you have one, if not whatever)

It's official now...

I am deemed a Souther girl. I have been here, oh boy, 8 years. (there you see, that, I said "oh boy") and just the other night I ran into my old high school teacher, Mrs. Lightle. She recongnized me. I said "Hi, remember me?" before I realized I said my married name, so she said, "Miriam Console! What is it now?" and "Are you still here?" Crazy yeah. Actually we did live in Memphis for a couple years. She looked at me and said "You lost your Italian accent"...Oh, that made me really sad. I have got that sweet little souther twang now, no one would know I was actually raised in Italy. I sound Arkansan all the way! (BIG sigh)

Oh well, my mom is a nice Southern gal, but with the greatest Italian heart I know, so I guess, it isn't too too bad. I have my Italian eyes and skin with a sweet southern american accent. LOL.

(But I am still Italian at heart!)

Why Gioietta?

I forgot to add this: My middle name is Joy. In Italian that is Gioia. (Yes, like my baby girl in Heaven). Gioietta like I said was a nickname of mine in HS in Italy.
But I have others: Miriuccia Gioia, Fruit Joy, Miriuzza, Mimi, Mida, Miria' (that is actually just roman dialect, you know w/ the accent and the last letter taken off). There are some that I won't mention because they are mean (yes, those back in middle school). Usually these nicknames 'belong' to people, meaning certain people use them. That's it. Just thought I'd share. =^)

Who is Gioietta?

Gioietta was a nickname my friend Laura S. from Lussana High School in Bergamo gave me, I think it was our 3rd year, that would be 11th grade.
I have created a new account, so when I post or when I leave a comment you will see "Gioietta" instead of jnmth. I have changed that account to to wryefam, I think.

Here is what I did: I had to make myself a co-admin/writer for my blogs b/c of that infamous problem we had when dh and I both switched to google blogger using the same account name/pswd.

So, now my Italian blog and this blog are under Gioietta. I also have a third blog that I share with my bosom buddy about our adventures in trying to read classic novels together (yeah, we want to be smarter than average, ahah!)

Jon's old blog (he has a new one here), I think I am going to keep in and rename it and make it one of those 'all about the family stuff' blogs. I have felt guilty sometimes because i dont' blog much about my boy and hubby and the everyday things i do. to me they are wonderful, yet it isn't what my heart wants to talk about and blog about. that isn't to say i don't love my family. but i wonder if my mom does want do know what her little grandson is doing, and if any of my relatives in italy want to practice reading in english AND see pictures and updates about us and our life in america. i probably won't be updating that all the time, b/c like i said, my heart and mind keep going to abstract yet meaningful topics that i just need to write about and share aobut.

so this was a random post about what is going on w/ the blog. i kept the look as much as i can.
i hope you like visiting my blog. i am learning as i go and having fun for the most part.

btw, anyone reading my ITALIAN BLOG?????

Precious time, precious friends

I was going to say that I have been wasting my precious time today by just reading people's blogs, mostly people I know IRL, and commenting on their posts, or just saying 'hey'.

Thank I stopped and thought: no I am not wasting time. This is time I put on relationships. Although true, it would be infinitely better to sit down and chat with them (and that is what I decided to do, I called one friend after reading her latest post and said "I need to get together and visit with you"), I still get to see glimpse of their hearts or at least, for those who don't write their very heart's secrets like I might sometimes, I get to know what is going on and catch again a partial view of what is affecting their heart, everyday, every ordinary day.

So, IMHO, it wasn't wasted time. It was preciously devoted time for my friends, for relationship building. It is different this 'building' relationships through internet, such a vehicle that sometimes generates much distrust and for very good reason. I guess it is kinda of like living in the world, uh? Much evil and bad, but so surprisingly there is also lots of good too.

Like I said, I rather get together and chat, but please post a comment, drop me a line through email. It means so much, doesn't it? Thank you for all that read my blog and for those who have told me they do (and even enjoy it!phew!)

BTW, anyone else having trouble w/ the word verification thing on blogger when you leave comments. It took me twice as long to read everyone's blog and comment b/c I had to do word verification three times before it will register that I was copying it correctly. blogger-problems, you never know what will hit you next.

Tagged again!

1. I’ve come to realize that my ex-(boyfriend) --- needs my prayers.
2. I am listening to --- the dryer running.
3. I talk --- too much.
4. I love --- holding a mug of hot tea in my hands and sipping it slowly.
5. My best friends --- know who I really am and love me anyways.
6. I lost --- my daughter (but I will find her in Heaven).
7. I hate it when people ---look down on someone because they aren't as righteous as them.
8. Love is --- hard work but pays back tenfold in the end.
9. Marriage is --- hard work too. But also the best of friendships.
10. Somewhere, someone is thinking --- Does anyone care about me at all.
11. I’ll always be --- asking the hard questions.
12. I have a crush on --- my little boy (that is how it sort of felt at the beginning, before he was even born!)
13. The last time I cried was because --- I felt overwhelmed.
14. My cell phone --- doesn't exist.
15. When I wake up in the morning ---I take sometime to get my dreams to scatter off.
16. Before I go to sleep at night --- I try to get things done I couldn't during the day
17. Right now I am thinking about --- the nap I am not having because I am on the computer.
18. Babies are --- wonder and wonderful.
19. I get on MySpace --- hardly ever.
20. Today I --- took a shower, did laundry, gave baby a bath, spent idle time on amazon and got some food ready for tonite.
21. Tonight I will --- go to a theater performance on campus with hubby and maybe get a coffee and spend some alone time with him (so thankful for free babysitting!)
22. Tomorrow I will --- hopefully have had a good night's sleep, maybe do some grocery shopping and go to the library to work on my overdue long-distance course assignment.
23. I really want --- more energy.

I'll go ahead and also tag the same three people, but I might tag some more later!
Sheila, Ellen and Jon

Tagged #1

Well, dh has been tinkering with the computer, I've been sleep deprived, so finally I have caught on the fact that Jen has tagged me!
So here goes the short story with six words:

Miriam talked 'till her head popped.

No, it isn't an autobiography (although you might argue it could be).
And Yes, it was a challenge for me to write only 6 words. ha ha.

I am tagging Sheila, Ellen and Jon (I would have tagged GK but do you have a blog?)

Hellloooo out there! anyone here with me?

So, yes, I have been tinkering with the blog. It is different now under the new 'user-friendly' setting controls of the google blogger. And my tickers for J and G's birthdays can't be put right under the title for everyone to see. Oh well. I love them anyway. I'll put them down at the bottom since it doesn't make sense to have them on the side where you can't see the whole ticker.

How is everyone? January must be the busiest time of the month in some ways. I mean you have all these ideas, these resolutions for the new year, all these good and grand plans of things to do, accomplish, succed with the beginning of a new year! Alas...I find myself completely overwhelmed when I stop and consider all I want to do for today, tomorrow, next week, next month, the rest of the year, the rest of my life!!! help!

And yes, then I realize, what is going on here? Why am I wasting my time worrying about how I am going to get things done? What life is that? Most of the time life, the real stuff, happens not because you planned it and artfully succeded at getting it done. It is going for me to have dreams, even goals, and that I work to reach them. But it is the process that is more important than the goal. If I am not learning anything by living and working towards my dreams than feeling overwhelmed and frustrated, than they are not worth it! If the process is disillusionment and more than what can I expect of the goal? That goes for eating right and exercising! If I loathe and cringe everytime I think of saying no to dessert or working out than I need to stop and make some mental assesment. I want to enjoy life. No matter how hard it gets, I have only one life and I want to live it to the best of my ability.

Yeasterday I was thinking during worship about this. About the fact that I have one life on earth and that is it since I do not believe in reincarnation (thank Heaven NO!). And I came to one conclusion:
I want to live true and be real. I want to be authentic all the time, with myself, with my family, my friends, with strangers, with everyone and with God. I don't want to sit there and try to please everyone or live up to someone else's expectations or standards. I am not here to please anyone but God. And you know what? That is such a liberating feeling! You'd think, yikes...God, He is a tough one to please. He is so 'holy', so stern and so perfect. But no! It is so funny, but HE, the HOLY ONE, the righteous one, is so wonderful to please, for all He wants is your heart and for you to do your best in trusting Him and obeying Him. It isn't easy, no, but His love doesn't depend on a job well done, but on you constantly giving him your heart. The return is so much peace and freedom from all the "have to dos" of the world. I dont' have to be a succesfull person in any shape or form like the world views. I just have to journey with Him. The goal isn't success here, getting everything done while on earth. The goal is just living and loving and letting be, because God is in control and the final destination stays the same!
So my motto, having been one hour at a time has a new meaning: do not worry about what I will get done. Any small thing is a big accomplishment. So what if I haven't cleaned all the house? I vaccumed the floors today! So what if I haven't finished college yet? I am constantly reading and enjoying learning everywhere I go. So what if I don't have my parenting journey all planned out? I am learning so much, maybe more than him, and I enjoy and thank God for every moment spent with him. So what if my dreams don't all come true? It isn't about my dreams but God's, and they might seem bad right now, but I am looking at it sideways and down, I am art in the process and like with all creations they do look kinda messy when they are being worked on.

So what if I don't find my mission in life? So many talk about finding purpose in life (just think of the evangelical blockbuster hit "Purpose Driven Life", not saying it is bad, haven't read it, but it is still just a consumer-product, not life giving breath)...and while I was driving, thinking how in the past I thought I'd never be happy unless I knew what God was doing with me I realized this: That is what faith is! Not knowing! I have to trust God that my purpose is being accomplished now and all the time. I need to trust Him while having no clue whatsoever He is doing. What are you doing? I can ask Him that, and I might get an answer (i.e. clue), but it isn't up to me nor is it important for my life to know what my specific purpose is. I can live a full life without worrying or trying to work out the big plan. Because God is the big plan, and He is the driver. He stops and says : "We are getting out here" and I might interject "Why? I dont' think so? I dont' like this place, take me back!" yet...that is my purpose, to be there. I mightnot like it, but that is life....I am living God's plan. I am part of the plan. My mission is being part of His mission. He leads, I just breathe and take the next step. God, just keep my heart steady and don't leave my hand.

Lord, help me just be and not worry about being.

A river runs through it

Through our driveway, in front of our apartment. It's been raining since Thursday!
Somebody please remind me that I don't have to let it affect my mood (thanks, I reminded myself, sigh). I truly hope that the sun will come shining soon. I have missed him :) Makes me think of all those children songs about sunshine and rain. I know we need the rain. I feel like Teviah in Fiddler on the Roof "But God, will a little sunshine hurt so much?"

Well...at least I have an excuse for cuddling up with a nice cup of tea and read some...when, forgetting of course that I have to finish the dishes and laundry and entertain my beautiful 6.5 month old! More news to come :)

Happy Birthday to the man with the Big Dream

Happy Birthday Dr. King!

I know this man has made an impact in America, but also for me and others around the world. Thanks for being and living the difference :) I hope to also live the dream out loud.

Here is quote of his I gathered from the book I read in Spring '05 for my African American History class:

"Leaders are needed...in every community all over this nation..NOT leaders in love with money, but in love with justice. Not leaders in love with publicity but in love with humanity."

I saw a flier in the store this past week about campaigning for a new U.S. Department. It is a campaign to establish a dept. of PEACE. This is something that I can see myself getting involved in. You can visit their website and find out more at www.thepeacealliance.org

Oh, also, check out the picture on Google today, it's heartwarming :) (I don't know if they will change it throughout the day, but I don't think so)

Finding Sayid and a girl named Gioia

Any LOST fans out there? Jon and I are, however not the kind that stays up or video tapes the episodes. We just go on a fast for almost a year until the last episode comes out in dvd, than we rent them all and watch them in just a few evenings. The culprits of such an act are our friends Tommy and Rachel who bought us the first season over a year ago now. Thank you guys. No, really, that was such a great gift. Jon and I have loved the series. They are really captivating, and usually have great plots and storilines, that get tangled up with storylines.

On New Year's eve I was sick and Jon went out to rent some movies. He came home with the English Patient, which won a lot of oscars when it first came out in the late 90s. I remember watching it sometime in Italy. I remember loving the story of Juliette Binoche and the indian guy, not so much that of the "english patient" and his lover (which was basically a story of adultery). But it has good acting. Well you will never guess, but the Indian guy I was talking abou that has this fling with Juliette Binoche, who plays Hana, a nursue in WWII, is Sayid, the Iraquanian guy from LOST! How cool is that? I just couldn't believe it! IT is funny to look back at a movie you had enjoyed when younger and discover some actor you know now from a more recent series was in that! There was a lot of other things I 'noticed', including the smashing Colin Firth who played Darcy, and other British romantic comedies, playing the unlucky husband.

But one other sweet thing my husband tole me was about the end of the movie. When Hana leaves the English patient to breathe his last and return to her troop waiting for her to go back home (presumambly the US), an Italian lady comes to pick her up at the abandoned villa in Tuscany where she was staying. Her fellow countrymen introduces this lady as "Gioia."
I was sleeping when this scene came and went by, but it sure hit Jon. He had never "heard" the name on the screen, actually not often ever spoken about somebody other than our daughter. And it was spelled the same. Gioia is in fact kind of old fashioned and not many girls have that name in Italy. It isn't 'strange' just not common, sort of like Miriam.

So it was neat. A girl named Gioia, just popped out in the movies. I know it is silly. Isn't it neat thought that something silly like this warms our hearts anyway?

Just thought I'd share!

God IS NOT life: a realization

I apologize before hand for this post for it is kinda angry/hurt. I just need to write how I feel, but it isn't against anyone in particular. For those who know where I come from and what I have and still struggle with spiritually this might make a lot of sense.


I was thinking about how when good things happen to us we say "Isn't God good?" Something that right now makes me mad because the flip side of that is that God is not good when things go wrong, which happens often, and sometimes in tragical ways. I am guilty myself of exclaiming merrily "God is good!" or "Praise God!" when someone gives me a good account on their life, an answered prayer, yes even a miracle. It isn't that it is wrong to do this, we are to give thanks and we can't help it, but I hardly ever hear a "God is good" when someone tragically dies, when we lose a child, a job, when pain and suffering engulf us, or most importantly others. Is God not good then? Of course He is. We know He is always good. All the time. Like people from the pulpit like to have us repeat. But when our hearts are broken it is SO HARD to say it, even if a whisper. You know the song " Blessed be His name?" the poignant verse goes:
He gives and takes away, He gives and takes away, my heart will choose to say, Blessed be His name

I can hardly say those words. Because I have lived that. God gave and took away. And it hurts so much. I cry almost every single time it is sung in worship. I am not saying it is wrong. This is how it should be. I want to want to choose to say these words. My feelings are so mixed though. Let's be honest, do we really want to Bless God when He seems so far away, so uncaring? When the one thing we pleaded for, we had faith in God for, does not happen or worse? Let's be honest... Do we feel His love? No, we don't feel it. But I know that means it is not there.


...I do not want to say "God is good" in the same manner as when good things happen to me, because it can't be the same way when times are good. It would be false. It would be projecting something I am not feeling. There is a time for grief, and lament, and they are perfetcly suibtable for praise and worship to God. Did you know that? That you can go to God and yell at Him? And tell Him you are so mad, why did He let this happen, Why has He abandoned you? Jesus did. And God was good then. And Jesus knew this. Isn't God good? We can shout at Him, hurl insults, and He loves us? I remember a lady coming after to me at worship when I had bared my soul to the assembly and shared how angry I was that God let Gioia died. Why did He give to then take away? Why let there be so much pain? This lady, who wasn't a member, came up and said she hoped I would repent, basically, and realize how wrong I was to be mad at God. How dare I think such things (btw, she did say them nicely, she wasn't mean to me but it hurt very much still). I actually told her I didn't agree. Didn't the prophets call out to God? Didn't Job? Didn't Jesus? ARe you a true Christian only because you always jump for joy, never grieve, everything is okay for you? I am trying to find a way to express my faith even in the context of hard times, even in the context of grief and hurt. Can you?
Can you connect with God even when you are not the picture of joyful glee?

Many times I think what we really are saying when we go out and say "Isn't God good? Look what He has done!" is..."Isn't this event good? It is just what we had hoped for!"...Isn't life good! You can say that...but be careful that you don't EQUATE that with God.

God is NOT life. Neither the good life nor the horrible life. What happens does make us happy or sad, but it is not God. And God can direct the happenings of life, but not always. He is not "Prince of this World" remember? And we are not less faithful because we aknwoldge that there are times that God is good yet we are angry nonetheless.

I think I finally understand what Philip Yancey meant when he wrote about a friend who had something horrible happen to him, telling him that he wasn't mad at God "because I don't see God as life. They are two separete things. I am mad at how the world is. This desease. My disability. The death of my family and friends. But not God. He isn't that."

The opposite goes too. My miracle Jeremiah, that isn't God. My blessings are gifts from God, andI thank Him so much for them, but they are not God. If they go away, or if bad things befall me as before, when life happens, either bad or good or great, I can praise God (not just jumping for joy, but also prostrate on the ground with tears flowing and hurt showing). Either way. Life is not God. Life can be good, but that doesn't make God good. God just is goodness. Apart from experience either happiness or grief.

Prayer for 2007

Here is a prayer for a wonderful 2007, that you will be blessed and most of all be a blessing to all who surround you.

Let your little light shine and reach for those dreams!

A New Year Prayer

Holy Father,
God of our yesterdays, our today, and our tomorrows.
We praise You for Your unequaled greatness.
Thank You for the year behind us and for the year ahead.
Help us in Your new year, Father, to fret less and laugh more.
To teach our children to laugh by laughing with them.
To teach others to love by loving them.
Knowing, when Love came to the stable in Bethlehem, He came for us.
So that Love could be with us, and we could know You.
That we could share Love with others.
Help us, Father, to hear Your love song in every sunrise,
in the chriping of sparrows in our backyards,
in the stories of our old folks, and the fantasies of our children.
Help us to stop and listen to Your love songs,
so that we may know You better and better.
We rejoice in the world You loved into being.
Thank You for another new year and for new chances every day.
We pray for peace, for light, and for hope, that we might spread them to others.
Forgive us for falling short this past year.
We leave the irreparable past in your hands, and step out into the unknown new year knowing You will go with us.
We accept Your gift of a new year and we rejoice in what's ahead, depending on You to help us do exactly what You want..
I say it again, we rejoice!
In Jesus name,
Amen.

New Year's Resolutions

I know. I can't believe I am sharing this. However, I am also going to share something that happened today that makes me feel more confident about telling everyone of my goals and thus making myself vulnerable of being teased if I don't live up to it.

I have three new year resolutions.

1. Read the Bible. Everyday. At least a paragraph. I don't have to understand it or even like it. In fact I plan to journal about it. But I will do it. With the grace of God!

2. Finish my correspondence course on writing children's literature. I am a bit ashamed to admit that I have completed only 3 of 12 assignments in the last...ahum...2 years. I have already paid it in full, but if I give a couple hours a week to work on it I should be done within a year.

3. Lose weight and get into healthy, active habits. I have an even more specific goal which will go unmentioned for now. This, to me, actually seems one of the hardest objectives for I have an emotional eating habit I need to work on and also a bad attitude towards workouts.

But the good news is that today I put a pair of jeans thinking it was one of the newer ones I was given but instead it was my PRE-PREGNANCY jeans!!! Woo-hoo! I am on the way already. I guess getting sick actually paid off. Perfect timing for the holiday season.

Sure, the jeans are not a perfect fit yet, and my hope is that they will actually be too big to wear in a few months, but it is a start.

Another reason to share: I have a lot to do that does not involve being on the computer. In fact, I really need to curb the time I spend 'surfing' the net. Butyou can always reach me at my email, so do not hesitate to contact me. Every comment you leave goes directly to my inbox.
Just a click away :)

All other ground

In Christ the solid rock I stand

All other ground is sinking sand

I have been meaning to post about a movie I saw recently. It's called "Second Chance" and it is a movie about church culture smashing with true faith and Christianity. Michael W. Smith plays one of the main roles, and honest to goodness, he is a pretty swell actor! I have to admit I was sort of skeptical though the plot intrigued me because it is something I believe every Christian, especially American Christians needs to hear.

My favorite part is close to the end, where Smith shares this old hymn "On Christ the solid Rock" and realizes that he had been wrong all the time in regards to what it meant to be a christian:

I wanted to serve Him as long as I could stay
comfortable, stay where it was safe.

Comfort is sinking sand.

Safety is sinking
sand.

I know I can say 'amen' to that. I also had this vision of a life of faith here on earth that was ease and painfree (especially emotionally), a vision that serving him would never cause me any pain or discomfort. Holding onto that notion, living as if that was what Christ was about, I found myself sinking through what I thought was unsinkabled. It's by God's grace that I was pulled out on to the rock. And the rock is not comfortable, let me tell you, nor is it in a safe place by any of our standards.

But it is solid, it is real and it is life.

So, if you have chance, watch the movie. It isn't cheasy or corny, so you shouldn't be dissapointed!

Merry Christmas!

Love to everyone! Enjoy the rest of the year!

The Christmas Cold

Well, Amy March said "It doesn't feel like Christmas without presents." Well, guess what Amy, that is fine for me. But it sure doesn't feel like Christmas when you can't smell your own chicken soup boiling or when you hear yourself speak like some kind cartoon character speaking from a glass globe around his head. That is what my week before Christmas has been like.

But I am glad it is Christmas. Because even if I don't get to see my family and visiting relatives because I am in quarantine, I still know they are out there, enjoying all kinds of delicious food and pies that I can not have (because it hurts the immune system like the lady at the health food store told me) and even if I could most of my taste buds have gone on vacation as well. So I guess this is good, I am getting a good start on my new year's resolution to lose weight. Without even a pill my appetite has been curbed to 45%.

My poor little boy is also sick, only that he still manages to be just as active and energetic as ever. I guess I got the cold, he has the ear ache infection. So you should see our table full of our Christmas presents from our loved ones: oranges for vitamin c, shacklees multivatimins and more vitamin c, emergen-c (yes, we believe in this vitamin), echinacea, echinacea tea, cough suppressants, congestion medicine, sudafed that I no longer take b/c it isn't working, and last but not least, garlic extract, to put directly on the toungue. Jon is also feasting on all these supplements, although he is now on to blowing his nose too. I am afraid he wasn't spared the cold.

But I didn't want this to be a negative outlook on my present day before Christmas. One good thing: I am getting to spend time with the two guys I love the most: my hubby and my baby. Together we are taking medicine, trying to sleep and get plenty of rest, watching movies, talking through clogged nasal passages, and most of all, thanking God for each other and for His love. Because that is what matters at Christmas: the ones we love (you too, my friendly readers) and the One who loves the most.

Thankful for Christmas and what it means to us.
May yours be blessed with love and grace and hopefully without a cold. :)

Teething, crawling and busting his lip!

J-man is starting to pseudo-crawl! He pushes himself across the floor at a pretty good speed, pushing on those strong legs and with his elbows, and obviously getting himself places I rather not want him to be. Sigh. It is beginning to look like Christmas for him! And for me, it is time to get the discipline thing going. "No Jeremiah, you can't have that/touch that/get into that/play wiht that." That's the easy part. The hard part is consistently showing him you are serious and keeping a watchful eye on what he does next! Testing his boundaries already!

But I did feel like a bad mama the other day when I was not watching and he quickly got from the carpet to the kitchen's hard floor and, having this need to gnaw on everything like a little puppy because of his teething (no teeth yet, but his gums are sure bothering him!),

BHAM! He slammed his face into the floor as if it were mush cereal. Immedietly he started screaming and giving this loud cry of pain. My heart just broke. How could I have not been more careful. I go there and think "Sounds like it's really bad" and sure enough his upper lip was bleeding. He buried himself in my arms and got blood on my shirt! I gave him a wet rag with an ice-cube in it and let him suck on it. He was so distraught that he fell asleep while I rocked to comfort him.

As you see, his new crawling place is our coffee table. Paper and books are great chewing toys for him!

Birthdays in Heaven

Last week I got in the mail a sweet invitation to a friend's child's birthday.

It was a beautiful pink handmade card with a "Hello Kitty" motif.

Hope, my friend's little girl, would be turning two. This was her estimated due date, for she was born too soon here on earth and went straight to Heaven.

I had heard that recently a radio talk show hostess while airing made a derogatory comment regarding people who take pictures of their 'dead' babies once they were stillborn and how morbid that was. She was talking about me. And about other families I know. I do not think many people agree with her but I know this comment hurt a lot of families who have lost a child.

I love my friend for making a little invitation for her little girl, even though it isn't much for her as it is for my friend. Yes, it is a little crazy for some, a childish 'make believe', perhaps some would argue it is not a good thing, it won't help us 'move along' or maybe it is a sign of psychosis, who knows. I want to disagree. I think it is a very healthy sign, of a mother who loves and misses a child she never got to hold and she is using God's given gift of creativity and showing courage and strenght to do something for love in the only way she knows how.

We would want to brush our child's hair, help her get dressed in the morning, teach her "Jesus loves me," help her cross the street, read her little books, take her to the park...so many activites that we as parents often take for granted. But when your child dies all of the sudden you miss these things. Even if you never did them before, like when I lost my first child.

And inthe same way you miss giving a birthday party.

For Gioia's first birthday I held a baloon release. I got a big container to inflate the baloons and bought pink and yellow baloons, my colors for Gioia. I also made pink and yellow cupcakes and decorated them with little butterflies. I got a number 1 candle to put in one of the cupcakes for Gioia to "blow out." I invited close friends and family, those who have been close to us and who love Gioia too although they never got to 'see' her perhaps. We went to the place where she is buried and at her marker we sang together some special songs and a lullabye and then lit up the candle for the wind to blow out. We then wrote messages on the baloons for Gioia and sent them up to Heaven. While we watched them 'dissapear' in the sky we ate our cupcakes and had pink lemonade. It was a good time. And it did my heart a lot of good too.

Not everyone who has lost a child will feel the need to express her love this way. We are all different and our personalities are different, therefore we should not assume everyone will grieve the same way. It also doesn't mean that some might love the children they loss more than others. Everyone has a certain degree of comfort with their experience of loss, just like my husband sometimes has a different way to express his feelings than I do.

So, do they celebrate birthdays in Heaven? I remember always wondering when was Gioia's birhday. She was born still on Sept. 4th, but she actually died around August 28th sometime. So is it then that she was born, albeit into Heaven? These questions can make it hard for someone who has lost a child to stillbirht or miscarriage. You wonder if you even had a child, if it was legit, if you are a mother. I have chosen to say yes. Yes, I did have a child. I am a mother, even if my second loss was only a few days past conception.

So, dear Hope. Happy Birthday! I wonder if you will have a birthday party in Heaven? Or is it that really, every day, is a true celebration for you because you are home with Jesus, happily waiting for your family to join you there?

Celebrating Hope, and life and death in Christ, knowing that there is peace and fulfillment awaiting for us there!

P.S. My friend also sent party favors in the mail! cute little pink favors for little girls. I brought them to Gioia's marker to show them to her. She likes hello kitty too, I am sure, just like every little girl:)

Forgive the Silence

First forgive the silence

That answers prayer,
Then forgive the prayer
That stains the silence.

Excuse the absence
That feels like presence,

Then excuse the feeling
That insists on presence.

Pardon the delay
Of revelation,
Then ask pardon for revealing
Your impatience.

Forgive God
For being only a word,
Then ask God to forgive
The betrayal of language.

Mark Jarman, from the "Five Psalms" in "To the Green Man"

I found this poem in the book on Prayer by Philip Yancey.
Here is an excerpt that really spoke to me about God's silence.

Religious radio and television, as well as certain books and magazines, say little of God's silence. By their accounts God seems to speak volubly, commanding this minister to build a new sanctuary and that housewife to launch a new Web-based company. God represents success, good feelings, a sense of peace, a warm glow. To an audience regaled by such inspiring stories, an encounter with the silence of God hits like a shocking exception and stirs up feelings of inadequacy. The exception, in fact, is the cheery optimism of modern consumer-oriented faith. For centuries Christians learned what to expect on their spiritual journey from the bumbling pilgrim in Pilgrim's Progress, from John of the Cross' Dark Night of the Soul, from Thomas à Kempis's challenging Imitation of Christ. The one mentor who wrote most openly about the presence of God, Brother Lawrence, composed his thoughts while washing dishes and cleaning toilets.

HELP SAVE OUR BLOGS!

I am campaigning on behalf of my hubby's blog. And mine too in some ways. Our switch to beta blogger was a misfit. I already explained what happened and why. I have written a 'post' on Google's group "Blogger Help." No one has replied. :(

So...if you know how we can sucessfully transfer Jon's blog to a new user account/profile, and therefore change the current profile for just me, please let us know! I don't want him to have to delete his entire blog. That just makes me sad. And I am upset that no one has replied to my post and I have no idea how to contact the blogger reps (I have looked all over for their e-mail, and there is no FAQ that adresses this issue).

If you can help we appreciate it so much! We are counting on our faithful readers :)

Giving Thanks

I know it is late, Thanksgiving was last week, but I must say Thanks.

Thank you God for answering our most wrestled-with-you prayer, for blessing us with Jeremiah...thank you does not even convey how I feel.

Thank you for my friends, for my family, for those who love me...but Lord, help me to learn to bless also those who do not love me, or who I do not like, who I find myself indifferent to or from whom I feel being the recepient of such indifference or uncaring attitude, for my enemies and the enemies of my friends.

Lord I pray for my spiritual family, for your body, your church, your bride, for those who are hurting and being persecuted. Lord, help, help us all. Bless us all.

Lord, I pray for all those who are hurting because at times Thanksgiving and Christmas can hurt...because people we love are not here with us anymore, or never have been. I am praying for all of your children who need you and have a hard time saying thank you because they are hurting so deeply.

A thankful heart is a happy heart...please teach me that to be thankful, I only need Jesus and his Grace. And that I have always. I am thankful, becauase I am full of your Grace and Love.

What happened to my profile and a funny joke/story

I have learned now that if you are not dissatisfied with something, than DON'T CHANGE IT! Or at least, wait a while and THINK about it for some time.

My profile is gone because I didn't really think what was going to happen when I "switched" to the beta blogger they are advertising using our gmail account that my husband had ALREADY used to switch his blog into beta. Therefore, he has 3 blogs under his name. His, mine and my Italian one. That is why my blogs are under his profile. I lost my profile. sigh. :-(

I am not sure what I am going to do right now. We are going to see if there is some way we can 'undo' what we did, saving my blogs yet giving me my own profile back. So sorry guys. Now you know the truth: we are not blogging gurus yet.

So, unto the funny joke our preacher shared last Sunday prior to his message. It is about Lawns and the Suburbunite tribe of the USA. I really enjoyed it...because it is so true!

"Winterize your lawn," the big sign outside the garden store commanded.
I've fed it, watered it, mowed it, raked it and watched a lot of it die anyway.
Now I'm supposed to winterize it? I hope it's too late. Grass lawns have to be
the stupidest thing we've come up with outside of thong swimsuits! We constantly
battle dandelions, Queen Anne's lace, thistle, violets, chicory and clover that
thrive naturally, so we can grow grass that must be nursed through an annual
four-step chemical dependency.

Imagine the conversation The Creator might have with St. Francis about
this:
"Frank you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on
down there in the Midwest? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and
stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those
plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon.
The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracted butterflies, honey bees and
flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I
see are these green rectangles."
"It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started
calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great extent to kill them and replace
them with grass."
"Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract
butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with
temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing
there?"
"Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green.
They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that
crops up in the lawn."
"The spring rains and cool weather probably make grass grow really fast.
That must make the Suburbanites happy."
"Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it -
sometimes twice a week."
"They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?"
"Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags."
"They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?"
"No, sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away."
"Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And
when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?"
"Yes, sir."
"These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the
rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of
work."
"You aren't going believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast,
they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow
it and pay to get rid of it."
"What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer
stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to
provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground
and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees
and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's
a natural circle of life."
"You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As
soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and have them hauled
away."
"No! What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and
keep the soil moist and loose?"
"After throwing away your leaves, they go out and buy something they call
mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves."
"And where do they get this mulch?"
"They cut down trees and grind them up."
"Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. Saint Catherine, you're
in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?"
"Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about..."
"Never mind I think I just heard the whole story."

Good Clean Funnies List

The Evolution of the piano

Last week my dh (dear hubby), after reading my complaints of not getting much "live music," took me out to a piano program at HU, where a grand piano as well as his ancestors, a clavichord, harpsichord and fortepiano, were displayed to view on stage. I even got to touch a clavichord! Not many of those around except in museums. I thought it was nice that the technician and the pianist, Dr. Anderson, invited all the audience to come and check these instruments and even play them some. Dr. Andrea Anderson not only spoke about the different pianos and how the instrument came about and evolved through time, but played each one by choosing composers that had writtend music specifically for that very type of instrument or during the time in which it was in use. Above is an example of a flemish harpsichord I found on the web.

From the program's notes I found this excerpt on Mozart very interesting (J-man is watching Baby Mozart right now. I hope he will learn to play and understand music as he grows!)

Mozart, according to his sister Nannarel, never practiced scales and technical
studies. She wrote: "From his childhood on he liked playing the best at night.
When he sat down to the Klavier at 9 in the evening, one could not take him away
before midnight, and even then only by force, or he would have improvised the
whole night...I have no knowledge of his practicing the Klavier after he was
seven years of age, for he always had to improvise, to play at sight, and to
play concerts in front of people, and that was his whole exercicium."

Cousin's talents

After discussing live music and the talents of my cousins' Seth and Jeremy I think that I should point out some of my girl cousins' talents as well:

Becca published her very own book, "The Chains," when she was just 11 years old!

Whereas Kenna crocheted (spell?) this beautiful little tote bag pictured above.

Most of all they are the sweetest girls. I love hanging out with them!

"Silly" discipline

Who would have thought that my little 4 and a half month boy would be LAUGHING at his mamma when I try to discipline him?!?! I know he is really small, and can not understand when he does something wrong, and I don't want you to think that I pull out my belt or a twitch and spank him (and if I did those diapers wouldn't make a difference they are so cushy.)
Jeremiah has started to pinch me, of course unknowingly, however it REALLY hurts, a couple of times it has made me cry out in pain! This boy is very strong. He is going to outgrow me fast I am afraid. He has also started to cry out in anger, as in throwing a temper. He has a strong will as well. Jon has started to flick him on his mouth when he does it saying "NO" very firmly. And of course, he has told me to do this as well in order to teach him not to.
But I was astonished to find out that not only was there no real pain reaction when I either pinched him back or flicked him on the mouth. HE OUTRIGHT LAUGHED AT ME!! you know, those cute shrills a little baby makes when he is tickled!! The first time I did that, Jon heard him and asked me "Didn't you just tell him no and pinched him back?" I said "yes!" We really had to hold ourselves back trying not to laugh outloud. I guess I am tickling him instead of hurting him. It usually works better when I say no and flick him after he has yelled out in frustration with me. It makes him more angry, but at least he doesn't laugh as though it was a big joke. Oh, well.

The truth is that this discipline thing is hard. Being a parent requires you to be tough and consistant. Like my friend reminded me, to discipline is to be disciplined. And I have a lot to practice, being not a very disciplined person to begin with. I appreciate your prayers. We parents aren't all-powerful, and we need a lot of support, love and prayers, as do our children. We depend on our family and our larger, Christian family to help us through this stage in life. Everyone has something to contribute, if nothing else letting us know they care and that we aren't failing as parents and that they love us and our children.
Thanks to all of you, for your love and prayers. I know so many of you have prayed for this baby to join our family and I am so grateful that our prayers have been answered yes with our precious Jeremiah. He is a blessing, and as most blessings happen to be, he is challening us and helping us become better parents and better children of God.

Live Music

Last night Jon and I went to a staff dinner and as entertainment they had a couple of professors play their guitars and entertain us with western music and comedian charm. I really enjoyed it and was glad I went, even just to hear some live music being played by people who truly enjoy music for music's sake. I wish there was more music going around. In our fast-paced entertainment world it is all about downloads, ipods, radio, videos, youtube, and so on. There is no more just plain and simple community music, played on the streets, on someone's front porch, inside the home after dinner, at the community envent center. It isn't as much a thing to enjoy together. Sometimes it is only another buzz noise or distraction to add to the millions we have in this modern world.

I did not grow up with live music because my parents aren't that talented in that area, although they LOVE all kinds of music (for which I am thankful) and we didn't have money for music lessons (the schools in Italy didn't either.) So here I am wanting to soak in music, but guess what? The cheapest tickets are 50 bucks! I remember talking with some friends and them telling me that their father checked in some tickets for a Josh Grobin concert...something like 400$ a piece? and that for just a regular seat??? What?? Why is it so expensive?

Well...I comfort myself knowing I can always go hear the beautiful music my talented cousins make. If they remind me where they are going to play. This is a recent picture of them and their band, Arno, playing at a rock jym for the one year anniversary of the opening. They are very talented, they have a female fiddler player who is great as well. I love listening to them!

I just wish there was more opportunities to make music all together (although I know my voice isn't that great, but still just for fun I wouldn't mind pitching in!)

I love books!

I really do. I could never have too many. What else would you bring to that desert island? I mean, you have to do something with all that free time, uh? The idea of a day spent reading a real good novel has never sound too boring for me. It is the way I wind down. When asked about my favorite books I never know where to start. I keep thinking of ones I liked that I want to add to my list of "favorites" here on my profile.
Here are the books I am reading now:

1. A room with a view by E.M. Forster

2. Prayer-does it make a difference by Philip Yancey

3. The Myth of Certainty by Daniel Taylor (this I just started. The style is more academic so it takes some time to get into it)

(The last two I am going have to renew if I want to finish them!)

National Adoption Awareness Month

This past Saturday I went to the County's Adoption Picnic, sponsored by the Children's Homes in the area. There I was able to observe the children having some time of fun and games, children seeking a home. Jon and I are hoping, Lord willing, to adopt a child in the future. One of my relatives is also doing foster parenting and I have come to love their little foster child and I know they pray for all of them and love them unconditionally, giving out their hearts even knowing they might be broken time and time again. In this state there are 450 children waiting to be adopted. Anyways, at the picnic they had this houndout whith this quote I wanted to share:

There are no unwanted children, only unfound families.

Praying for all the children of the world. May God use His people to spread His love to them, however we come in contact with them.

Pornography

Last night I attended a women's devotional. I was convicted by the message of one of the girls who spoke of the struggle that every young (and older) man deals with: pornography. Someone even told her that if some guy said that he did not struggle with it he was very likely lying. It is really sad and I felt heavy in my heart for my husband and all the other men out there. What a (not meaningful)sex-saturated world we live in.
I know that for me it is extremly hard to understand the pull that pornography has on men. I know they have a higher sex drive, or better, they are drawn to it more easily/quickly because it comes through the 'eyes', through seeing/looking at/imagining the naked body.
(LADIES, we have a wonderful gift, the gift of being pleasing, but DO NOT BE FOOLED, men are much more pleased by a woman who RESPECTS them enough to not show her body off. We have a responsability, just like we want men to respect us enough and not look at us like pieces of meat, just some pretty thing to look at and touch, than we MUST not DRESS nor ACT like we are such).
Although it might be hard for most of us girls to understand this sin, God opened my eyes recently to some of my own sins (which are so easy to dismiss, for some reason our own struggles always seem 'less' than others). I remember confessing to my husband with an embarassed smiled that I had finished the entire cake in one sitting. Ugh, I felt (and still do) so disgusted with myeslf. You see, I have an eating struggle. I am sometimes controled by my sinful nature that lusts for sweets. Especially chocolate. Many times it is triggered by emotions, such as boredom, moodiness, anger, depression, etc. My husband at first did not understand why I gave in so easily, because he does not struggle like I do with food. Than it hit me! I told him that for me OVEREATING SWEETS was like men's struggle with pornography.
My eyes were open to what he deals with by realizing how easily I fall in the temptation of overeating. I think things such as "it is just this time, I wont eat much longer (and I always do), it isn't that big of a deal"...very similar thoughts that Satan entices men to agree with when tempting them through pornography.
But I had to pray to God last night to give me a greater understanding and to convict me in spirit that this struggle with pornography, just as my own sins and struggles, were a BIG DEAL. It is much easier and nicer to forget about it, because I want to fix it and I know that I am powerless to "undo" with the switch of a wand the lure of pornography and gluttony. But I must realize that I must aknowledge them and accordingly struggle against them, fight them as a soldier of God's army, because my marriage, my husband, my son, the men in my life are important and worhty and that pornography is destroying their spirits. They do not like it one bit. It is never 'nice' or 'fun' to be controlled by something, like sex or food. Things intended for good are distorted by our self-centered need to be immedietly appeased. For why do I always eat chocolate if not to get immedieate gratification? Instead of turning to God and trusting Him to fulfill me in the way I need, I immedietly run to the pantry, the coffeeshop, in hopes to be 'restored' by peanut butter and a mocha. Although I immedietly get the gratification I seek and feel good, it tastes bitter and rotten in the end. Doesn't it? It always goes that way. We are immedietly gratificated but it leaves us very soon even more empty and sadden than before. I am not good at being patient, waiting for God to fulfill me. I want Him to talk to me immedietly, in audible voice. But if I did, would I take what He says and be content, or would I think choclate is better? Because who am I living for? For my lusts, for food, or ...? Will I give God a chance and live for Him? I want to Lord. Help me. Help us all. For we are powerless, but you have the Power to make us whole and save us from ourselves. Amen.

Question about Faith and God's Faithfulness

Here is what happened last week. I was on campus when I left the Bible building with Jeremiah to head back home and a woman in the hall stopped me to check him out (he is a cute baby, so I get stopped a lot:) The lady asked me how old he was and went on to tell me she had a 15 month old. She than, sort of out of the blue, told me how she had been diagnosed with cancer and that the Drs had given her just 6 months to live but now it had been much longer than that and she felt great. Of course, out of happiness for her I rejoiced by saying "Praise God" and she answered:
"Yes, I have faith, lot of faith, and lots of prayers."

My chin dropped. It was like a knife cut straight through my heart.
You see, I prayed too, many people prayed, we had faith, I had faith, a lot of faith as well. However....my daughter wasn't healed. She died, in the womb, at 24 weeks gestation.
We had faith, we had lots of prayers...just like this woman, but I did not have the outcome she had. But when I hear her and many, many others like her recount their own stories or stories of others, it would seem like THAT is what made the difference, what brought on the healing, or the positive answer to a request, a blessing one was hoping for. That it is FAITH and PRAYERS OF FAITH performed by people that gives the positive outcome. Why not for us?

Here is another hard question to ponder. A woman from my Hannah's Prayer support group wrote about this. She was wondering what to think about God and His faithfulness in the light that she might not ever carry a child to term. She said "I know that for those who do indeed become pregnant and who carry a child to term, or for those who are able to adopt and become parents that way, God is faithful to them. But how is God faithful to those who do not ever have any children?

This is a real issue for me and others like me who are struggling spiritually and in church. We hear other Christians use these pharses all the time "God is faithful because he answered (yes) my prayers and now I have_____(fill in the blank)." It isn't that I don't rejoice with them. As you saw before, I immedietly rejoiced and praised God for this woman's healing. I was genuinly happy for her and thankful to God for her healing. But when she added that last statement, I was hurt. Possibly because the way it sounds is that it was HER FAITH and the FAITH OF OTHERS that made the healing possible. Of course we know it was God. But God sometimes says no. Is faith that which determines the outcome? What about Job?
And is God faithful only when we receive, even after years and years of prayers and suffering, the ultimate thing we had prayed for? And is He no longer faithful when He doesn't?
I know we know the answer, but when we speak what do our words say, what do others hear? There is nothing WRONG in thanking God for the good things in life, in praising him and thanking Him for healing, for the blessing of a child, for a prayer answered YES. We did that just not too long ago with Jeremiah! And I will thank Him again! Praise you God! It would be sin not to thank Him. He is the one who made it possible, but when we say things like "You see, I told you God is Faithful" it links the positive (to us) outcome with God's faithfulness and only the positive outcome.
Have you ever heard someone say "God is faithful" even when they are going through the worst possible, when it seems God has abandoned them, when their loved ones suffer or have died? How often do you hear God's faithfulness in that kind of setting?
What makes God faithful, I mean really Faithful...what does it consist of?

As you see I have a task set before me. I must seek and find out this answer. I must ask God to guide me and show me Who He really is, and show me His Love and Faithfulness.

If you'd like to see what my dear hubby wrote about God's Love and how we associate it with our blessings, I would encourage you to read it here: http://jnmthw.blogspot.com/2005/12/gods-love-language.html
It is really succint, not as long as my posts! God Bless you!

My little pumpkin! (I mean duck!)

Yeasterday zia Sarah came by and we dressed Jeremiah up for a little while, just enough to get some pictures taken. As I said, I do not intend to participate in every aspect of Halloween, but I did want to dress Jeremiah up since Aunt Becca was so kind to get him this beautiful little duckie costume! Thank you Anunt Becca! (and the other reason is that we have this cute frame from mamaw and papaw where you pute pictures of all the 'firsts' for your baby, and Halloween is obviously included and obviously I had to get one pict at least!).
Sarah and I have talked about it and we really want to have Carnevale next year! I get to dress him up again (and myself!) yeah!

Hallows Eve-- Tutti Santi/All Saints

The word Hallowe'en is a contraction of "Hallowed evening". Hallowed is
an old English word for "holy" — as in "Hallowed be Thy Name", in the Lord's
Prayer.
Why is this evening "hallowed"? Because it is the eve of the Feast of
All Saints — which used to be called All Hallows. Like Christmas Eve and New
Year's Eve, and the Easter Vigil, the Church's celebration of her greatest
feasts begins the evening before. (This follows the ancient Jewish practice of
beginning the celebration of the Sabbath at sundown on Friday evening.)
We
need to begin to re-Christianize Hallowe'en by repairing the broken link to its
Christian meaning and significance. We need to reattach it to All Saints Day —
and to All Souls Day, for it is only in relation to this that we can understand
the original and true significance of the "hallowed eve".
Excerpt from
article by Helen Hull Hitchcock http://www.wf-f.org/Hallow-Saints.html



I printed these out because having grown up in Italy I have a
different view of Halloween. In fact, in Italy we do not celebrate Halloween at
all as a pagan/harvest festival. It is a festivity dedicated to all Saints (and
I believe Christians are all saints) and for Souls Day, we pay respect to those
who have gone before us. We dress up and have fun with “tricks” and games on
Carnival, which comes around February before Lent and Easter.

~~This up here is what we printed out and put next to our door outside. We are still inviting the kiddos and the adults to ring the door bell tonite and get some little treats (I got mostly chocolate for some reason!). I never really thought about doing Halloween. We have a few friends who do not celebrate it at all. I was talking to one of them recently. We were at the storytime at the library and they were, in preparation of Halloween, reading books about it and making a "halloween wreath" for craft time. She wished she hadn't come because now she had to explain to her 3 year old daughter why they didn't do it. I am going to dress Jeremiah for a picture, maybe go out to the court square and connect with the community. I do not fear the "evil" and "devil" stuff that is part of this festivity. I am told to only fear God! And He is greater than all that. However, I do not want to associate with that stuff either.

We talked about how nice it is to dress up and all, so I thought about Carnevale, the time before Lent around February, when we dress up in Italy. I think that is what I wish to do with my family, with Jeremiah as he grows up and Lord willing other children he will bring to our family. I always loved Carnevale growing up, it will be a great alternative to Halloween that will give us the opportunity to have fun with dressing up in costumes and connecting with our Italian heritage.

(I do think though that as long as we live in the states I will try and celebrate 'harvest time' as opposed to Halloween so to still have something going on, just like the churches here usually have a 'fall fest' for the kids and families)

I already have an idea of what I want to dress up like for Carnevale. But does anyone else have some neat and unique suggestions for a costume?

The Constant of Change

Yes we moved. We had a baby, we made BIG plan changes, and we moved back to Searcy. Never thought we would, but here we are. I am hopeful, if not even excited, about some of the changes. First Jon is going to go back to school and get a second B.A. in Computer Science at Harding. He is now working in the IT department, learning about computers and such. All that kind of stuff (programming, software, web development) that goes way above my head. Glad he is the logic one, the one I turn to when I have problems with my blog or email :)
This is the reason behind the move. We don't plan to stay here any longer than what it takes Jon to get his degree and than find a job and a place where we can make a difference. We still want to do that. Though we have no idea how.

It hurts a little to change. We had planned to go to Milano, Italy, and work with the Shorts there. We wish we could, but Jon is not ready. His heart is not yet confident in what God's purpose is for him. And I am proud of him for stepping up, admitting such a difficult thing about himself, and realizing that he must 'seek' out what God has in store for him and for us as a family. It takes courage to change and do what is right, even when it hurts.

It has been emotional, this change. I miss Italy, and desire to go back there (although I know that in my mind I probably have it painted much nicer than what it really would be). I miss our friends and we hurt for the Church there, wanting to encourage and love them. But I am reminded of my vows: "Where you go I will go" and I am learning to stay faithful to them, both physically, but also emotionally and menatlly. Learning to become one is an everday process.