Quote of the Week

But in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.
- Benjamin Franklin

The Kind of Wife Every Husband Needs

Sorry I have been gone for a while. I had a busy week and actually it can be good to take a break!

While I was out 'surfing' a couple weeks ago I found this blog post I really enjoyed. I asked the author if I could share it so here it is. I thought it was well said. Being a vocal girl as well as one who believes what I am thinking and need or want should be obvious to the one who loves me (a.k.a. my husband), this was a good reminder that, well, it isn't about us girls all the time and being a wife is indeed a lot like being the very best friend on the earth. Reminds me of an Italian saying, :

Nessuno puo' trovare un amico perche' nessuno cerca di esserlo
(No one finds a friend because no one is trying to be one)

The Kind of Wife Every Husband Needs

I remember the day it started to sink in. We had vowed to stay together “for better or for worse.” I had pictured that to be tornadoes, job losses and unexpected deaths. Why didn’t anyone look me in the face and say, “Sometimes your spouse will be the ‘for worse’ part, and sometimes it will be YOU!” ? You know what? Someone probably did say that, and just like all of the marriage books I had read, as soon as I felt an ounce of conviction on my own life, and I shut the book and moved along. I was looking for someone to tell me what I wanted to hear – how to fix my husband! In the meantime, I was rejecting all that God wanted me to be.

Ten years and three kids later, I’ve learned a few things. One of those is that I still have so much more to learn! There are many more blessings and many more difficult times to come. I just want to tell you three simple things I ignored, as God was yelling them into my ear (whispering didn’t seem to be working!).

Tell your husband what you want and need. It would be gloriously romantic if he could read your mind about everything. However, he won’t … because he can’t. That doesn’t make him a jerk. It just makes him human. You’re not losing out if you have to verbalize things for him. Instead, you’re giving him the opportunity to help you and express his love for you in the best way possible. “Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned, as it were, with salt, so that you may know how you should respond to each person.” Colossians 4:6

Be his safe haven. Ladies, we’re verbal. Some of us are TERRIBLY verbal! That’s when we start to cross the line from being articulate and outgoing … to just plain sinful. Your husband needs to know that even if he falls on his face, he can come to you as a place of accountability, confession and then know that you will help him to continue to grow in his journey with Christ. The way we speak about our husbands (to them, and to others) will either help or hurt them as they slowly develop into stronger spiritual leaders in our homes. If you need counsel in your marriage, seek out a person with more life experience, and whose walk with Christ is obviously bearing fruit. Ninety-nine percent of the time, that does not include peers, co-workers or family. Give your husband the assurance that his name is safe on your tongue. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Proverbs 18:21

Let your marriage be an act of worship. You really can simplify some of this down. The closer you are to Christ, the more you see things through His eyes, and understand His heart. The way you serve your husband, speak to your husband, share intimacy with your husband … it is all an act of worship to your God! Every time there has been some sort of problem in my marriage, it has ALWAYS come down to being a spiritual problem. We are to bring glory and honor to our Creator, each and every day. One way we can do that is by honoring the marriage covenant we have made. “The people whom I formed for Myself, will declare My praise.” Isaiah 43:21

What Love Means to a Child

(This was sent to me from a dear friend and it is always warms my heart to read it! Talk about putting 'flesh' on the word Love!)

Adults should take lessons from some of these kids!!! A group of
professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year olds.

"What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than
anyone could have imagined.



1. When my grandma got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toe
nails anymore. So my grandpa does it for her now all the time, even when
his hands got arthritis too. That's love. Rebecca - age 8


2. When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just
know that your name is safe in their mouths. Billy - age 4

3. Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving Cologne and
they go out and smell each other. Kari - age 5


4. Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your french
fries without making them give you any of theirs. Chrissy - age 6


5. Love is what makes you smile when you're tired. Terri - age


6. Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip
before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK. Danny - age 7


7. Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing,
you still want to be together and you talk more. My mommy and my daddy are
like that. They look gross when they kiss. Emily - age 8


8. Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening
presents and listen. Bobby - age 7


9. If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who
you hate. Nikki - age 6


10. Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it every
day. Noelle - age 7


11. Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still
friends even after they know each other so well. Tommy - age 6


12. During my piano recital, I was on stage and I was scared. I looked at
all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the
only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore. Cindy - age 8


13. My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing
me to sleep at night. Clare - age 6

14. Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken. Elaine - age 5


15. Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is
handsomer than Robert Redford. Chris - age 7

16. Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone
all day. Mary Ann - age 4

17. When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars
come out of you. Karen - age 7

18. Love is when mommy sees daddy on the toilet and doesn't think it's
gross. Mark - age 6


19. You really shouldn't say "I LOVE YOU" unless you mean it. But if you
mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget. Jessica - age 8



And the winner was a 4 year old child whose next door neighbor was an
elderly man who had just lost his wife. When the child saw the man cry, the
little boy went over into the man's yard and climbed on top of the man's lap
and just sat there. When the boy's mother asked him what he'd said to the
neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry."

This last one is SO SPECIAL to me. I have sort of been in the place of the 'elderly man' and I know for myself that when others will come and 'cry' with you, just grieve with you, it is truly amazing: I have felt the pain wash away with the tears of someone who truly cares.

P.S. I am not one for pictures of Jesus, because it isn't his 'physical' appearance that was important, in fact Isaiah said he was nothing to look at really, BUT to have an image, an idea of Jesus in action, Love in action, has always been beautiful for me to see (not just the Jesus standing there, light brown hair and blue eyes and white complexion. We pretty much know that THAT Jesus was nothing like what he looked like- or was about)

Jesus be my Valentine :)

I was telling my friend and neighbor Stephanie today that I wish this day wasn't only about couples and that kind of romantic love, but just about love, simple yet wonderful, for everyone at every time in life. I am so blessed to have that kind of 'romantic' love, being married, although realistically, for us it isn't always 'passionate' and 'romantic' like those nice chick-flicks, but we do like to celebrate that part of our relationship. But it is just a part, and not the whole, and not the foundation. The foundation is and must be agape-like love: that is selfless and unconditional. Maybe Valentine's Day could be called Love Day or Jesus's Day! I believe He embodied and still does today what Love is really about, for everyone, all the time, everywhere.

I thought about looking for a poem about Jesus and Valentine's Day and though I found them they were kind of cheesy. I had these great intentions of sending some Valentine emails/cards to some friends who I know need the extra 'pick me up' during this kind of holiday (single, divorced, just plain lonely). I then realized that Jesus Himself sent His Valentine gift: His undying Love, demonstrated everyday and culminating at the cross. And His Holy Spirit, alive and active in us, if we only welcome it. God's gift, God's valentine to us: Jesus. I know this sounds all cheesy as well. Here is a verse I read the other day. There are thousands more, every word is part of His Story for us, and the purpose, the meaning, the central reason for all of this life is to love us. I remember still this day when I thought about having children. It is because it is beautifully and fulfilling to give love. Even if not children of your own, even if adults, older people, people from different countries or backgrounds or even with a complete different mindset as yours...it is still the most beautiful thing in the world: giving Love and receiving it.

"I have loved YOU with an everlasting love. I have drawn you with my loving-kindness (hesed=everlasting presence of love) "Jeremiah 31:3

Sometimes you need to put flesh on Jesus to understand this love. Check and see what some children said about love in the next (above) post!

In the meantime: I wish you love, now and always and forever!

Happy Belated Birthday Mr. Presdient!

Yeasterday was Mr. Lincoln's Birthday. I still remember the day Dr. Hayney in our History 101 class got all emotional and even shed a few tears remembering this great man of American History. Another person who 'dared to be the difference'. So Happy Birthday Abe!

The probability that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause we believe to be just. ~ Abraham Lincoln

This last quote reminds me of my dad! He used to say this to me I don't know how many times. He is such a teaser :) It is believed to belong to Mr. Abe himself:

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

Tale Madre, Tale Figlia

Like mother as daughter, the saying goes...

And true enough, I am my mother's daughter. I used to think that it was somewhat silly that my mom would spend all her extra money solely on books. That is until I realized, after hours of thinking and agonizing on what I should buy, that I really just wanted to buy books. And guess what I did with all my Christmas money? I bought books. I am now very much at peace, and even secretly happy that I have such a fascination with books (that I read them all or not). This is a big part of me like it is with my mom. And I think my mom is great.
So now all my $ has gone to reading material... with some left for chocolate and cappuccino to go along with it. And if I ever get some extra again...you will know where to find me: browsing the bookstore (though in this modern age I might be inclined to buy them from Amazon..more books for me!)

I love you mom!

I must count my blessings

It isn't easy to do, 'count your blessings.' I sometimes resented that because it made me feel like that meant my sorrows were not valid, unimportant, that if they hurt me than something was wrong with me, I was sinning.
BUT...a few weeks ago I realized I did a terrible thing (for me, myself): I forgot to write a Christmas letter to Gioia and put it in her stocking. I have done this every Christmas since she died. It was/is a tradition. Being sick, busy with a 6 month old, and just busy w/ the holidays, I forgot to do it. I immediately wrote in her diary. I know this doesn't hurt her, she isn't capable of feeling the pain of a forgetful mother, and plus I do this for myself, for my continual healing process of not having her with me everyday (you can bet I miss her and think of her everyday. Especially holidays are hard, when we are with extended family and you know someone is really missing then).

I was writing to her, in a special diary I haven't written in a long time, and realized that although I haven't been writing to her, I have been talking to her, and not just to myself, but to many others, to friends who have been alongside my journey off and on, sometimes all along, some of them sort of new to my heartache. And it HIT ME: I am so blessed, I actually have people I can talk to about Gioia and who listen, and do not judge, and who want to listen, and do not run away uncomfortable about talking about pain and death.

I tend to look at the negative side: most people don't want to talk about Gioia and change subject if I bring it up. But, there is a huge positive side: there are people, and probably I am blessed to have more than most, who do and want to hear about Gioia and share this part of my life. I am blessed. I am not 'doing' this alone. I have someone to share with and confide with. And not just with my internet community, but I mean in real life!

I would love to write down their names here, all those beautiful people who have had the courage and patience and love to walk with me and share with me the beauty and the pain, the joy and the sorrow of having and losing Gioia here on earth. But they are in my heart. Your 'gift' will never be forgotten and I count you as my most precious 'blessings' and ;bringers of healing.'

ps If my friend Jacqui, Jackson's mom, ever reads this: thank you for all you have done for me, sending me love and comfort and memories to cherish through the mail throughout the past three years!

Sorrow and laughter are both good

I won't look up the verse right now, but you know the one in Proverbs that says "Laughter is medicine for the heart." Well, the other day I heard the same author (I believe Solomon wrote most of Proverbs) in his book Ecclesiastes wrote in 7:3: Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart.

So which one is it? I don't' remember the chapter/verse also for this one, but I remember someone pointing out that in the same book of Proverbs we have a verse that say "Do not respond a fool according to his folly" and then a little later "respond to a fool according to his folly" (again, something like that). The preacher/teacher was saying that this points out to a huge contradiction, which would seem to justify the Bible not being so reliable after all (I have to admit I have dealt with such feelings before, even now with certain verses of the Bible that seem to clash). Which one instruction do we follow? Which one is the correct one? Well...maybe both are. I know this might be elementary for some of you (do you say that in English? "elementary", you know, like "Elementary, Watson?"...I am literal-translating from Italian), but for me this was a light bulb. Why can't they both be right. Sometimes you should reply to someone stupid, sometimes you should not. And we need God's wisdom to distinguished both.

In Ecclesiastes again the author says there is a time for everything. A time to laugh and a time to mourn. Neither is wrong. So, although laughter is good medicine (and I intend to get a good fun movie tonight, as a prescription for my heart), sorrow is also good, although it's effects are not immediate like laughter. And it definitely does not feel good to your heart. I think the truth is that it is good for our character, for our whole person, not just how we 'feel and think' with our heart. The person who shared this verse also shared this part of a devotional with me: God never uses anyone to a great degree until He breaks the person completely. Joseph experienced more sorrow than the other sons of Jacob, and it led him into a ministry of food for all the nations For this reason, the Holy Spirit said of him, "Joseph is a fruitful vine...near a spring, whose branches climb over a wall" (Gen. 49:22). It takes sorrow to expand and deepen the soul.

Some people sing the song "Break My Heart" and I think...do they know what they are asking? It really hurts, when God breaks are heart. But it is good for us. A kind of good that does n' t translate in our human terms, that doesn't taste good, but tastes like sorrow and grief and wretchedness, like the cup of Christ.

Laughter and sorrow are both good. But it is through sorrow that we have the opportunity to reach out the most to others and give them God's love.

Tell me about YOU!

So, instead of doing that tag thing, I will just ask my readers some weird questions (just kidding!).
Just reply in the comments! I will too :)
1. What book are you (mostly) reading right now?
2. If you could travel anywhere, all expenses paid, where would you go?
3. If you had been born in another historical time, what would that be?
4. What's your usual breakfast? (do you have breakfast?)
5. Name one of your favorite writers.
6. Dogs or cats?
7. Art or science?
8. Your favorite (or one of your favorite) oldie movie (if you have one, if not whatever)

It's official now...

I am deemed a Souther girl. I have been here, oh boy, 8 years. (there you see, that, I said "oh boy") and just the other night I ran into my old high school teacher, Mrs. Lightle. She recongnized me. I said "Hi, remember me?" before I realized I said my married name, so she said, "Miriam Console! What is it now?" and "Are you still here?" Crazy yeah. Actually we did live in Memphis for a couple years. She looked at me and said "You lost your Italian accent"...Oh, that made me really sad. I have got that sweet little souther twang now, no one would know I was actually raised in Italy. I sound Arkansan all the way! (BIG sigh)

Oh well, my mom is a nice Southern gal, but with the greatest Italian heart I know, so I guess, it isn't too too bad. I have my Italian eyes and skin with a sweet southern american accent. LOL.

(But I am still Italian at heart!)