Feeling Loved

So Sunday was my 25th birthday. Quarter of a century! I had a very special day, but even the weekend and the week before was great (hubby took me shopping on Wed. Just the two of us all day! And I actually found stuff I loved on sale!)
Usually my birthdays go by with a few phone calls from my family overseas, maybe a special meal and cake, and cards with perhaps a little money gift. This is all special, and by no means am I trying to diminish the love I receive from my hubby, parents, in-laws, grandparents and more. I love the attention and care I get from them this day and every other day as well. But it's been a while since I have had a b-day with friends over (been a while since I would ask "Mom, can I have a party?" and prefer to have a surprise one). This past weekend was also Memorial Day weekend and since we are to enter a very busy month before we depart for the Bel Paese (aka Italy) we decided we'd go visit friends and church family over there. It's been nine months since we first left and haven't been there at all since before Thanksgiving.

So our friends Russ and Liana (not to be confused with Ross and Rachel), who graciously hosted us this weekend, threw a party for me, with a white and pink frosted cake with my name on it, and friends from church to come eat dinner (lasagna!) and play really hilarious games...the more hilarious because of how much fun our friends are when we all get together. Yep, we had a good time. But what really made me feel all warm and fuzzy and even emotional was all the love and care, the fact that people would give me cards that say "We love you!" "You are special", that they would pay for my dinners and desserts, send me emails and cards, and wrote on my wall on facebook. And the presents I received, all were unexpected. I felt bad that I don't have the budget for getting presents for friends or even family right now, but it felt good to know someone had thought of me and bought me something just because they care. I had a very emotional week the one before, and I worried too much about what others thought of me, if the liked me, feeling like I was still in 6th grade.

What I received this weekend was the confirmation of the love from friends. Especially since they don't have to love me or even like me, the fact that they do, and I feel so underserving, makes it so special. so appreciated. so meaningful. So thank you friends for your love. It's the best gift ever!

PS I even got a free drink from the restaurant and only a waring on our way back when we were stopped for speeding! Thank you Lord for friends and unexpected freebies and grace!

Ascenscion Day, Scripture reading and Winner

Today is the day many churches who follow more closely liturgical calendars are celebrating Ascension day. I have finished reading about Lauren Winner's experience in an Episcopal church (author of Girl Meets God. I recommend this book, which is a very engaging spiritual autobiography of an orthodox Jew who became Christian in her twenties...she might be still twenty-something, so it is a very recent account. I might blog about it more later).


I know I am possibly romanticizing another Christian tradition/heritage. It is easy to do for me, I am very dramatic and prone to daydreaming. However, the idea of a more set, disciplined form worship both on Sundays, and everyday with the reading of the Book of Common Prayer, something so ancient, so time tested, is intriguing. In some ways what intrigued me was what Winner wrote in one particular chapter about why she chose the Episcopal Church, or Anglicanism. She said that a lot had to do with the way they read Scripture, they just didn't ditch all Christian authorities and writings, century old commentaries on scripture and other writings. they read scripture like the Jews read the Torah. This most intrigued me simply because my heritage is that of reading the Bible and coming to understand it for yourself. (and it is possible, sometime I'll write about a beautiful, fun story of the California surfer guy who found a Bible on the beach)
Obviously growing up others taught me Bible lessons and told me the stories (and what to believe or not) but once you are somewhat more mature and able to read and comprehend more on your own, you are expected to just 'know' what the Bible says. Well I can read the Bible, and I can tell you what it says, but I am often confused exactly what it means. There is the literal meaning, which is important to take down first, but then there is more, the allegorical and something else. Lauren Winner explains all this much better, for she is far more of an accademic intellectual than I am (bit of a snob, but I know she wont' take any offense! I think she is lot like my mom in the fact that she reads all the time and reads almost anything and I think my mom is the best!). Now, I think it is great that I can read the Bible on my own, and I should stop typing and do that very thing since I don't do it much at all. What I am saying is that this is very interesting way of putting things, something I have never thought of before. Aren't 'study' Bibles designed to enlighten us since there are thousand of years that separate us from the time the Bible was written and our own mindset and culture and understanding? Furthermore, they used much more allegory than we do nowdays as well. Don't we need help in reading these passages? It's hard to know exactly, I don't think we should be extreme as in some Christian traditions who believe only the Priest can explain things for you, reading the Bible wouldn't do you any good (The Bible, one of the 'banned' Books of the Pope for centuries). But then again, I don't think I can expect to understand EVERYTHING (esp. not the OT).

Sooooooo...................going back to Ascension Day. I guess those churches are gathering together to read about Jesus' return to Heaven to be with His Father. I think the idea of celebrating every year these important marks of the gospel story is very meaningful in the way we keep 'reminding ourselves', and for me, a very disorganized person and undisciplined in all things, it is a way to keep feeding me the food I need the most. The Story. And even on those days I don't feel an once of faith or 'spiritual' savoir faire, the tradition, the discipline of going to church, sitting, kneeling, standing, repeating, listening, singing certain hymns, reading certain verses...maybe I won't 'feel' God, the Spirit, but I will be blessed by know, yes HE still is here. Even when I can't see or feel or want, I will...because it is about bending the will "not mine but thy".
Thinking this way has made me see my own traditions at Church in a much better light. Reading about another and how interested it made me in them, I realized I can do the same with my own small ones, they are downplayed in my heritage (although very present and imporant to some), however I can take them in and let them help me in being more 'present', disciplined in my worship approach, bending my will, telling myself "M. I know you want to think about that movie and what you would have the President say and how you would conduct the sermon this morning, but focus: this is about GOD, not you. You made a promise to Him. Worship Him. Give Him honor. Think, talk, let it be about Him. Give your sacrifice of praise."

The best part of a day like today...I can look up into Heaven, imagine Him going home, and then daydream about Him coming back down. Every time I see rays of sunshine flowing from Heaven, through big cotton like clouds, I think...maybe today...maybe this is the day He'll come back, just like He went up.

Happy Ascension Day!

I am still around!

I have so much to say, too little to say, not sure how to say it, wish I could just sit down and chat over a nice glass of ice tea (yes, it is hot today).

I want the world to be a better place. I wish people wouldn't conform to others ideas just to fit in. I wish that there was no violence, that video games wouldn't make war entertainment and that guns were not invented. I wish for world peace. But I also wish that we didn't have beauty pageants. Please do not use bottled water. We are consuming in atrocious ways. I could write more and I know this is just a stream of consciousness like Ulysses Joyce coined. Just a sampling of my rambling.

TTYL. Really, I'll be back with more coherent thoughts.

PS I had written something a little too personal. I felt I was hanging dirty laundry for all to see here on this blog. It wasn't anything bad, but it was still personal. I know I am an 'open book', always have been. But that doesn't mean everyone wants to (or needs to) hear what I have to say. (Now you are probably wondering what it is uh? LOL! Keep you hanging...)