Friday, November 17, 2006

What happened to my profile and a funny joke/story

I have learned now that if you are not dissatisfied with something, than DON'T CHANGE IT! Or at least, wait a while and THINK about it for some time.

My profile is gone because I didn't really think what was going to happen when I "switched" to the beta blogger they are advertising using our gmail account that my husband had ALREADY used to switch his blog into beta. Therefore, he has 3 blogs under his name. His, mine and my Italian one. That is why my blogs are under his profile. I lost my profile. sigh. :-(

I am not sure what I am going to do right now. We are going to see if there is some way we can 'undo' what we did, saving my blogs yet giving me my own profile back. So sorry guys. Now you know the truth: we are not blogging gurus yet.

So, unto the funny joke our preacher shared last Sunday prior to his message. It is about Lawns and the Suburbunite tribe of the USA. I really enjoyed it...because it is so true!

"Winterize your lawn," the big sign outside the garden store commanded.
I've fed it, watered it, mowed it, raked it and watched a lot of it die anyway.
Now I'm supposed to winterize it? I hope it's too late. Grass lawns have to be
the stupidest thing we've come up with outside of thong swimsuits! We constantly
battle dandelions, Queen Anne's lace, thistle, violets, chicory and clover that
thrive naturally, so we can grow grass that must be nursed through an annual
four-step chemical dependency.

Imagine the conversation The Creator might have with St. Francis about
this:
"Frank you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on
down there in the Midwest? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and
stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those
plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon.
The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracted butterflies, honey bees and
flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I
see are these green rectangles."
"It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started
calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great extent to kill them and replace
them with grass."
"Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract
butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with
temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing
there?"
"Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green.
They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that
crops up in the lawn."
"The spring rains and cool weather probably make grass grow really fast.
That must make the Suburbanites happy."
"Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it -
sometimes twice a week."
"They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?"
"Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags."
"They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?"
"No, sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away."
"Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And
when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?"
"Yes, sir."
"These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the
rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of
work."
"You aren't going believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast,
they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow
it and pay to get rid of it."
"What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer
stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to
provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground
and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees
and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's
a natural circle of life."
"You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As
soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and have them hauled
away."
"No! What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and
keep the soil moist and loose?"
"After throwing away your leaves, they go out and buy something they call
mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves."
"And where do they get this mulch?"
"They cut down trees and grind them up."
"Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. Saint Catherine, you're
in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?"
"Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about..."
"Never mind I think I just heard the whole story."

Good Clean Funnies List

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Then there is the living in places where the grass never stops growing!! Bleah!

Personally I have always thought Easter grass and a hot glue gun would make a great lawn!! And you could make it more than just green if you wanted and if it got sparse you would just glue gun some more!! What do you think?? 8^)

gk

Sheila said...

I love this! Thanks!

I am thinking about planting grass for the first time in our six years here. Our yard is so shady, though, it's not really worth it. But a neighborhood church was providing (for a donation) "Brother John's 3-in-1 Grass Seed of the Holy Trinity."

How could I pass that up?

I am so tired of this Bloggger Beta business! It just now didn't accept my comment, so I'll try again. Sorry if it shows up twice.

Jennifer said...

That is absolutely hilarious! I am so thankful we have a small lawn that is cultivated by our townhome association.
By the way, I haven't had any trouble with Beta but when I did email them about something small they did get back to me. I can't remember how I did it, but I think I just chose one of the options (even though it wasn't exactly what I was looking for) just to get my question through. Sounds like it has been a big pain!