I forgot to add this: My middle name is Joy. In Italian that is Gioia. (Yes, like my baby girl in Heaven). Gioietta like I said was a nickname of mine in HS in Italy.
But I have others: Miriuccia Gioia, Fruit Joy, Miriuzza, Mimi, Mida, Miria' (that is actually just roman dialect, you know w/ the accent and the last letter taken off). There are some that I won't mention because they are mean (yes, those back in middle school). Usually these nicknames 'belong' to people, meaning certain people use them. That's it. Just thought I'd share. =^)
Monday, January 29, 2007
Who is Gioietta?
Gioietta was a nickname my friend Laura S. from Lussana High School in Bergamo gave me, I think it was our 3rd year, that would be 11th grade.
I have created a new account, so when I post or when I leave a comment you will see "Gioietta" instead of jnmth. I have changed that account to to wryefam, I think.
Here is what I did: I had to make myself a co-admin/writer for my blogs b/c of that infamous problem we had when dh and I both switched to google blogger using the same account name/pswd.
So, now my Italian blog and this blog are under Gioietta. I also have a third blog that I share with my bosom buddy about our adventures in trying to read classic novels together (yeah, we want to be smarter than average, ahah!)
Jon's old blog (he has a new one here), I think I am going to keep in and rename it and make it one of those 'all about the family stuff' blogs. I have felt guilty sometimes because i dont' blog much about my boy and hubby and the everyday things i do. to me they are wonderful, yet it isn't what my heart wants to talk about and blog about. that isn't to say i don't love my family. but i wonder if my mom does want do know what her little grandson is doing, and if any of my relatives in italy want to practice reading in english AND see pictures and updates about us and our life in america. i probably won't be updating that all the time, b/c like i said, my heart and mind keep going to abstract yet meaningful topics that i just need to write about and share aobut.
so this was a random post about what is going on w/ the blog. i kept the look as much as i can.
i hope you like visiting my blog. i am learning as i go and having fun for the most part.
btw, anyone reading my ITALIAN BLOG?????
I have created a new account, so when I post or when I leave a comment you will see "Gioietta" instead of jnmth. I have changed that account to to wryefam, I think.
Here is what I did: I had to make myself a co-admin/writer for my blogs b/c of that infamous problem we had when dh and I both switched to google blogger using the same account name/pswd.
So, now my Italian blog and this blog are under Gioietta. I also have a third blog that I share with my bosom buddy about our adventures in trying to read classic novels together (yeah, we want to be smarter than average, ahah!)
Jon's old blog (he has a new one here), I think I am going to keep in and rename it and make it one of those 'all about the family stuff' blogs. I have felt guilty sometimes because i dont' blog much about my boy and hubby and the everyday things i do. to me they are wonderful, yet it isn't what my heart wants to talk about and blog about. that isn't to say i don't love my family. but i wonder if my mom does want do know what her little grandson is doing, and if any of my relatives in italy want to practice reading in english AND see pictures and updates about us and our life in america. i probably won't be updating that all the time, b/c like i said, my heart and mind keep going to abstract yet meaningful topics that i just need to write about and share aobut.
so this was a random post about what is going on w/ the blog. i kept the look as much as i can.
i hope you like visiting my blog. i am learning as i go and having fun for the most part.
btw, anyone reading my ITALIAN BLOG?????
Precious time, precious friends
I was going to say that I have been wasting my precious time today by just reading people's blogs, mostly people I know IRL, and commenting on their posts, or just saying 'hey'.
Thank I stopped and thought: no I am not wasting time. This is time I put on relationships. Although true, it would be infinitely better to sit down and chat with them (and that is what I decided to do, I called one friend after reading her latest post and said "I need to get together and visit with you"), I still get to see glimpse of their hearts or at least, for those who don't write their very heart's secrets like I might sometimes, I get to know what is going on and catch again a partial view of what is affecting their heart, everyday, every ordinary day.
So, IMHO, it wasn't wasted time. It was preciously devoted time for my friends, for relationship building. It is different this 'building' relationships through internet, such a vehicle that sometimes generates much distrust and for very good reason. I guess it is kinda of like living in the world, uh? Much evil and bad, but so surprisingly there is also lots of good too.
Like I said, I rather get together and chat, but please post a comment, drop me a line through email. It means so much, doesn't it? Thank you for all that read my blog and for those who have told me they do (and even enjoy it!phew!)
BTW, anyone else having trouble w/ the word verification thing on blogger when you leave comments. It took me twice as long to read everyone's blog and comment b/c I had to do word verification three times before it will register that I was copying it correctly. blogger-problems, you never know what will hit you next.
Thank I stopped and thought: no I am not wasting time. This is time I put on relationships. Although true, it would be infinitely better to sit down and chat with them (and that is what I decided to do, I called one friend after reading her latest post and said "I need to get together and visit with you"), I still get to see glimpse of their hearts or at least, for those who don't write their very heart's secrets like I might sometimes, I get to know what is going on and catch again a partial view of what is affecting their heart, everyday, every ordinary day.
So, IMHO, it wasn't wasted time. It was preciously devoted time for my friends, for relationship building. It is different this 'building' relationships through internet, such a vehicle that sometimes generates much distrust and for very good reason. I guess it is kinda of like living in the world, uh? Much evil and bad, but so surprisingly there is also lots of good too.
Like I said, I rather get together and chat, but please post a comment, drop me a line through email. It means so much, doesn't it? Thank you for all that read my blog and for those who have told me they do (and even enjoy it!phew!)
BTW, anyone else having trouble w/ the word verification thing on blogger when you leave comments. It took me twice as long to read everyone's blog and comment b/c I had to do word verification three times before it will register that I was copying it correctly. blogger-problems, you never know what will hit you next.
Friday, January 26, 2007
Tagged again!
1. I’ve come to realize that my ex-(boyfriend) --- needs my prayers.
2. I am listening to --- the dryer running.
3. I talk --- too much.
4. I love --- holding a mug of hot tea in my hands and sipping it slowly.
5. My best friends --- know who I really am and love me anyways.
6. I lost --- my daughter (but I will find her in Heaven).
7. I hate it when people ---look down on someone because they aren't as righteous as them.
8. Love is --- hard work but pays back tenfold in the end.
9. Marriage is --- hard work too. But also the best of friendships.
10. Somewhere, someone is thinking --- Does anyone care about me at all.
11. I’ll always be --- asking the hard questions.
12. I have a crush on --- my little boy (that is how it sort of felt at the beginning, before he was even born!)
13. The last time I cried was because --- I felt overwhelmed.
14. My cell phone --- doesn't exist.
15. When I wake up in the morning ---I take sometime to get my dreams to scatter off.
16. Before I go to sleep at night --- I try to get things done I couldn't during the day
17. Right now I am thinking about --- the nap I am not having because I am on the computer.
18. Babies are --- wonder and wonderful.
19. I get on MySpace --- hardly ever.
20. Today I --- took a shower, did laundry, gave baby a bath, spent idle time on amazon and got some food ready for tonite.
21. Tonight I will --- go to a theater performance on campus with hubby and maybe get a coffee and spend some alone time with him (so thankful for free babysitting!)
22. Tomorrow I will --- hopefully have had a good night's sleep, maybe do some grocery shopping and go to the library to work on my overdue long-distance course assignment.
23. I really want --- more energy.
I'll go ahead and also tag the same three people, but I might tag some more later!
Sheila, Ellen and Jon
2. I am listening to --- the dryer running.
3. I talk --- too much.
4. I love --- holding a mug of hot tea in my hands and sipping it slowly.
5. My best friends --- know who I really am and love me anyways.
6. I lost --- my daughter (but I will find her in Heaven).
7. I hate it when people ---look down on someone because they aren't as righteous as them.
8. Love is --- hard work but pays back tenfold in the end.
9. Marriage is --- hard work too. But also the best of friendships.
10. Somewhere, someone is thinking --- Does anyone care about me at all.
11. I’ll always be --- asking the hard questions.
12. I have a crush on --- my little boy (that is how it sort of felt at the beginning, before he was even born!)
13. The last time I cried was because --- I felt overwhelmed.
14. My cell phone --- doesn't exist.
15. When I wake up in the morning ---I take sometime to get my dreams to scatter off.
16. Before I go to sleep at night --- I try to get things done I couldn't during the day
17. Right now I am thinking about --- the nap I am not having because I am on the computer.
18. Babies are --- wonder and wonderful.
19. I get on MySpace --- hardly ever.
20. Today I --- took a shower, did laundry, gave baby a bath, spent idle time on amazon and got some food ready for tonite.
21. Tonight I will --- go to a theater performance on campus with hubby and maybe get a coffee and spend some alone time with him (so thankful for free babysitting!)
22. Tomorrow I will --- hopefully have had a good night's sleep, maybe do some grocery shopping and go to the library to work on my overdue long-distance course assignment.
23. I really want --- more energy.
I'll go ahead and also tag the same three people, but I might tag some more later!
Sheila, Ellen and Jon
Tagged #1
Well, dh has been tinkering with the computer, I've been sleep deprived, so finally I have caught on the fact that Jen has tagged me!
So here goes the short story with six words:
Miriam talked 'till her head popped.
No, it isn't an autobiography (although you might argue it could be).
And Yes, it was a challenge for me to write only 6 words. ha ha.
I am tagging Sheila, Ellen and Jon (I would have tagged GK but do you have a blog?)
So here goes the short story with six words:
Miriam talked 'till her head popped.
No, it isn't an autobiography (although you might argue it could be).
And Yes, it was a challenge for me to write only 6 words. ha ha.
I am tagging Sheila, Ellen and Jon (I would have tagged GK but do you have a blog?)
Monday, January 22, 2007
Hellloooo out there! anyone here with me?
So, yes, I have been tinkering with the blog. It is different now under the new 'user-friendly' setting controls of the google blogger. And my tickers for J and G's birthdays can't be put right under the title for everyone to see. Oh well. I love them anyway. I'll put them down at the bottom since it doesn't make sense to have them on the side where you can't see the whole ticker.
How is everyone? January must be the busiest time of the month in some ways. I mean you have all these ideas, these resolutions for the new year, all these good and grand plans of things to do, accomplish, succed with the beginning of a new year! Alas...I find myself completely overwhelmed when I stop and consider all I want to do for today, tomorrow, next week, next month, the rest of the year, the rest of my life!!! help!
And yes, then I realize, what is going on here? Why am I wasting my time worrying about how I am going to get things done? What life is that? Most of the time life, the real stuff, happens not because you planned it and artfully succeded at getting it done. It is going for me to have dreams, even goals, and that I work to reach them. But it is the process that is more important than the goal. If I am not learning anything by living and working towards my dreams than feeling overwhelmed and frustrated, than they are not worth it! If the process is disillusionment and more than what can I expect of the goal? That goes for eating right and exercising! If I loathe and cringe everytime I think of saying no to dessert or working out than I need to stop and make some mental assesment. I want to enjoy life. No matter how hard it gets, I have only one life and I want to live it to the best of my ability.
Yeasterday I was thinking during worship about this. About the fact that I have one life on earth and that is it since I do not believe in reincarnation (thank Heaven NO!). And I came to one conclusion:
I want to live true and be real. I want to be authentic all the time, with myself, with my family, my friends, with strangers, with everyone and with God. I don't want to sit there and try to please everyone or live up to someone else's expectations or standards. I am not here to please anyone but God. And you know what? That is such a liberating feeling! You'd think, yikes...God, He is a tough one to please. He is so 'holy', so stern and so perfect. But no! It is so funny, but HE, the HOLY ONE, the righteous one, is so wonderful to please, for all He wants is your heart and for you to do your best in trusting Him and obeying Him. It isn't easy, no, but His love doesn't depend on a job well done, but on you constantly giving him your heart. The return is so much peace and freedom from all the "have to dos" of the world. I dont' have to be a succesfull person in any shape or form like the world views. I just have to journey with Him. The goal isn't success here, getting everything done while on earth. The goal is just living and loving and letting be, because God is in control and the final destination stays the same!
So my motto, having been one hour at a time has a new meaning: do not worry about what I will get done. Any small thing is a big accomplishment. So what if I haven't cleaned all the house? I vaccumed the floors today! So what if I haven't finished college yet? I am constantly reading and enjoying learning everywhere I go. So what if I don't have my parenting journey all planned out? I am learning so much, maybe more than him, and I enjoy and thank God for every moment spent with him. So what if my dreams don't all come true? It isn't about my dreams but God's, and they might seem bad right now, but I am looking at it sideways and down, I am art in the process and like with all creations they do look kinda messy when they are being worked on.
So what if I don't find my mission in life? So many talk about finding purpose in life (just think of the evangelical blockbuster hit "Purpose Driven Life", not saying it is bad, haven't read it, but it is still just a consumer-product, not life giving breath)...and while I was driving, thinking how in the past I thought I'd never be happy unless I knew what God was doing with me I realized this: That is what faith is! Not knowing! I have to trust God that my purpose is being accomplished now and all the time. I need to trust Him while having no clue whatsoever He is doing. What are you doing? I can ask Him that, and I might get an answer (i.e. clue), but it isn't up to me nor is it important for my life to know what my specific purpose is. I can live a full life without worrying or trying to work out the big plan. Because God is the big plan, and He is the driver. He stops and says : "We are getting out here" and I might interject "Why? I dont' think so? I dont' like this place, take me back!" yet...that is my purpose, to be there. I mightnot like it, but that is life....I am living God's plan. I am part of the plan. My mission is being part of His mission. He leads, I just breathe and take the next step. God, just keep my heart steady and don't leave my hand.
Lord, help me just be and not worry about being.
How is everyone? January must be the busiest time of the month in some ways. I mean you have all these ideas, these resolutions for the new year, all these good and grand plans of things to do, accomplish, succed with the beginning of a new year! Alas...I find myself completely overwhelmed when I stop and consider all I want to do for today, tomorrow, next week, next month, the rest of the year, the rest of my life!!! help!
And yes, then I realize, what is going on here? Why am I wasting my time worrying about how I am going to get things done? What life is that? Most of the time life, the real stuff, happens not because you planned it and artfully succeded at getting it done. It is going for me to have dreams, even goals, and that I work to reach them. But it is the process that is more important than the goal. If I am not learning anything by living and working towards my dreams than feeling overwhelmed and frustrated, than they are not worth it! If the process is disillusionment and more than what can I expect of the goal? That goes for eating right and exercising! If I loathe and cringe everytime I think of saying no to dessert or working out than I need to stop and make some mental assesment. I want to enjoy life. No matter how hard it gets, I have only one life and I want to live it to the best of my ability.
Yeasterday I was thinking during worship about this. About the fact that I have one life on earth and that is it since I do not believe in reincarnation (thank Heaven NO!). And I came to one conclusion:
I want to live true and be real. I want to be authentic all the time, with myself, with my family, my friends, with strangers, with everyone and with God. I don't want to sit there and try to please everyone or live up to someone else's expectations or standards. I am not here to please anyone but God. And you know what? That is such a liberating feeling! You'd think, yikes...God, He is a tough one to please. He is so 'holy', so stern and so perfect. But no! It is so funny, but HE, the HOLY ONE, the righteous one, is so wonderful to please, for all He wants is your heart and for you to do your best in trusting Him and obeying Him. It isn't easy, no, but His love doesn't depend on a job well done, but on you constantly giving him your heart. The return is so much peace and freedom from all the "have to dos" of the world. I dont' have to be a succesfull person in any shape or form like the world views. I just have to journey with Him. The goal isn't success here, getting everything done while on earth. The goal is just living and loving and letting be, because God is in control and the final destination stays the same!
So my motto, having been one hour at a time has a new meaning: do not worry about what I will get done. Any small thing is a big accomplishment. So what if I haven't cleaned all the house? I vaccumed the floors today! So what if I haven't finished college yet? I am constantly reading and enjoying learning everywhere I go. So what if I don't have my parenting journey all planned out? I am learning so much, maybe more than him, and I enjoy and thank God for every moment spent with him. So what if my dreams don't all come true? It isn't about my dreams but God's, and they might seem bad right now, but I am looking at it sideways and down, I am art in the process and like with all creations they do look kinda messy when they are being worked on.
So what if I don't find my mission in life? So many talk about finding purpose in life (just think of the evangelical blockbuster hit "Purpose Driven Life", not saying it is bad, haven't read it, but it is still just a consumer-product, not life giving breath)...and while I was driving, thinking how in the past I thought I'd never be happy unless I knew what God was doing with me I realized this: That is what faith is! Not knowing! I have to trust God that my purpose is being accomplished now and all the time. I need to trust Him while having no clue whatsoever He is doing. What are you doing? I can ask Him that, and I might get an answer (i.e. clue), but it isn't up to me nor is it important for my life to know what my specific purpose is. I can live a full life without worrying or trying to work out the big plan. Because God is the big plan, and He is the driver. He stops and says : "We are getting out here" and I might interject "Why? I dont' think so? I dont' like this place, take me back!" yet...that is my purpose, to be there. I mightnot like it, but that is life....I am living God's plan. I am part of the plan. My mission is being part of His mission. He leads, I just breathe and take the next step. God, just keep my heart steady and don't leave my hand.
Lord, help me just be and not worry about being.
Monday, January 15, 2007
A river runs through it
Through our driveway, in front of our apartment. It's been raining since Thursday!
Somebody please remind me that I don't have to let it affect my mood (thanks, I reminded myself, sigh). I truly hope that the sun will come shining soon. I have missed him :) Makes me think of all those children songs about sunshine and rain. I know we need the rain. I feel like Teviah in Fiddler on the Roof "But God, will a little sunshine hurt so much?"
Well...at least I have an excuse for cuddling up with a nice cup of tea and read some...when, forgetting of course that I have to finish the dishes and laundry and entertain my beautiful 6.5 month old! More news to come :)
Somebody please remind me that I don't have to let it affect my mood (thanks, I reminded myself, sigh). I truly hope that the sun will come shining soon. I have missed him :) Makes me think of all those children songs about sunshine and rain. I know we need the rain. I feel like Teviah in Fiddler on the Roof "But God, will a little sunshine hurt so much?"
Well...at least I have an excuse for cuddling up with a nice cup of tea and read some...when, forgetting of course that I have to finish the dishes and laundry and entertain my beautiful 6.5 month old! More news to come :)
Happy Birthday to the man with the Big Dream
Happy Birthday Dr. King!
I know this man has made an impact in America, but also for me and others around the world. Thanks for being and living the difference :) I hope to also live the dream out loud.
Here is quote of his I gathered from the book I read in Spring '05 for my African American History class:
"Leaders are needed...in every community all over this nation..NOT leaders in love with money, but in love with justice. Not leaders in love with publicity but in love with humanity."
I saw a flier in the store this past week about campaigning for a new U.S. Department. It is a campaign to establish a dept. of PEACE. This is something that I can see myself getting involved in. You can visit their website and find out more at www.thepeacealliance.org
Oh, also, check out the picture on Google today, it's heartwarming :) (I don't know if they will change it throughout the day, but I don't think so)
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Finding Sayid and a girl named Gioia
Any LOST fans out there? Jon and I are, however not the kind that stays up or video tapes the episodes. We just go on a fast for almost a year until the last episode comes out in dvd, than we rent them all and watch them in just a few evenings. The culprits of such an act are our friends Tommy and Rachel who bought us the first season over a year ago now. Thank you guys. No, really, that was such a great gift. Jon and I have loved the series. They are really captivating, and usually have great plots and storilines, that get tangled up with storylines.
On New Year's eve I was sick and Jon went out to rent some movies. He came home with the English Patient, which won a lot of oscars when it first came out in the late 90s. I remember watching it sometime in Italy. I remember loving the story of Juliette Binoche and the indian guy, not so much that of the "english patient" and his lover (which was basically a story of adultery). But it has good acting. Well you will never guess, but the Indian guy I was talking abou that has this fling with Juliette Binoche, who plays Hana, a nursue in WWII, is Sayid, the Iraquanian guy from LOST! How cool is that? I just couldn't believe it! IT is funny to look back at a movie you had enjoyed when younger and discover some actor you know now from a more recent series was in that! There was a lot of other things I 'noticed', including the smashing Colin Firth who played Darcy, and other British romantic comedies, playing the unlucky husband.
But one other sweet thing my husband tole me was about the end of the movie. When Hana leaves the English patient to breathe his last and return to her troop waiting for her to go back home (presumambly the US), an Italian lady comes to pick her up at the abandoned villa in Tuscany where she was staying. Her fellow countrymen introduces this lady as "Gioia."
I was sleeping when this scene came and went by, but it sure hit Jon. He had never "heard" the name on the screen, actually not often ever spoken about somebody other than our daughter. And it was spelled the same. Gioia is in fact kind of old fashioned and not many girls have that name in Italy. It isn't 'strange' just not common, sort of like Miriam.
So it was neat. A girl named Gioia, just popped out in the movies. I know it is silly. Isn't it neat thought that something silly like this warms our hearts anyway?
Just thought I'd share!
On New Year's eve I was sick and Jon went out to rent some movies. He came home with the English Patient, which won a lot of oscars when it first came out in the late 90s. I remember watching it sometime in Italy. I remember loving the story of Juliette Binoche and the indian guy, not so much that of the "english patient" and his lover (which was basically a story of adultery). But it has good acting. Well you will never guess, but the Indian guy I was talking abou that has this fling with Juliette Binoche, who plays Hana, a nursue in WWII, is Sayid, the Iraquanian guy from LOST! How cool is that? I just couldn't believe it! IT is funny to look back at a movie you had enjoyed when younger and discover some actor you know now from a more recent series was in that! There was a lot of other things I 'noticed', including the smashing Colin Firth who played Darcy, and other British romantic comedies, playing the unlucky husband.
But one other sweet thing my husband tole me was about the end of the movie. When Hana leaves the English patient to breathe his last and return to her troop waiting for her to go back home (presumambly the US), an Italian lady comes to pick her up at the abandoned villa in Tuscany where she was staying. Her fellow countrymen introduces this lady as "Gioia."
I was sleeping when this scene came and went by, but it sure hit Jon. He had never "heard" the name on the screen, actually not often ever spoken about somebody other than our daughter. And it was spelled the same. Gioia is in fact kind of old fashioned and not many girls have that name in Italy. It isn't 'strange' just not common, sort of like Miriam.
So it was neat. A girl named Gioia, just popped out in the movies. I know it is silly. Isn't it neat thought that something silly like this warms our hearts anyway?
Just thought I'd share!
God IS NOT life: a realization
I apologize before hand for this post for it is kinda angry/hurt. I just need to write how I feel, but it isn't against anyone in particular. For those who know where I come from and what I have and still struggle with spiritually this might make a lot of sense.
I was thinking about how when good things happen to us we say "Isn't God good?" Something that right now makes me mad because the flip side of that is that God is not good when things go wrong, which happens often, and sometimes in tragical ways. I am guilty myself of exclaiming merrily "God is good!" or "Praise God!" when someone gives me a good account on their life, an answered prayer, yes even a miracle. It isn't that it is wrong to do this, we are to give thanks and we can't help it, but I hardly ever hear a "God is good" when someone tragically dies, when we lose a child, a job, when pain and suffering engulf us, or most importantly others. Is God not good then? Of course He is. We know He is always good. All the time. Like people from the pulpit like to have us repeat. But when our hearts are broken it is SO HARD to say it, even if a whisper. You know the song " Blessed be His name?" the poignant verse goes:
He gives and takes away, He gives and takes away, my heart will choose to say, Blessed be His name
I can hardly say those words. Because I have lived that. God gave and took away. And it hurts so much. I cry almost every single time it is sung in worship. I am not saying it is wrong. This is how it should be. I want to want to choose to say these words. My feelings are so mixed though. Let's be honest, do we really want to Bless God when He seems so far away, so uncaring? When the one thing we pleaded for, we had faith in God for, does not happen or worse? Let's be honest... Do we feel His love? No, we don't feel it. But I know that means it is not there.
...I do not want to say "God is good" in the same manner as when good things happen to me, because it can't be the same way when times are good. It would be false. It would be projecting something I am not feeling. There is a time for grief, and lament, and they are perfetcly suibtable for praise and worship to God. Did you know that? That you can go to God and yell at Him? And tell Him you are so mad, why did He let this happen, Why has He abandoned you? Jesus did. And God was good then. And Jesus knew this. Isn't God good? We can shout at Him, hurl insults, and He loves us? I remember a lady coming after to me at worship when I had bared my soul to the assembly and shared how angry I was that God let Gioia died. Why did He give to then take away? Why let there be so much pain? This lady, who wasn't a member, came up and said she hoped I would repent, basically, and realize how wrong I was to be mad at God. How dare I think such things (btw, she did say them nicely, she wasn't mean to me but it hurt very much still). I actually told her I didn't agree. Didn't the prophets call out to God? Didn't Job? Didn't Jesus? ARe you a true Christian only because you always jump for joy, never grieve, everything is okay for you? I am trying to find a way to express my faith even in the context of hard times, even in the context of grief and hurt. Can you?
Can you connect with God even when you are not the picture of joyful glee?
Many times I think what we really are saying when we go out and say "Isn't God good? Look what He has done!" is..."Isn't this event good? It is just what we had hoped for!"...Isn't life good! You can say that...but be careful that you don't EQUATE that with God.
God is NOT life. Neither the good life nor the horrible life. What happens does make us happy or sad, but it is not God. And God can direct the happenings of life, but not always. He is not "Prince of this World" remember? And we are not less faithful because we aknwoldge that there are times that God is good yet we are angry nonetheless.
I think I finally understand what Philip Yancey meant when he wrote about a friend who had something horrible happen to him, telling him that he wasn't mad at God "because I don't see God as life. They are two separete things. I am mad at how the world is. This desease. My disability. The death of my family and friends. But not God. He isn't that."
The opposite goes too. My miracle Jeremiah, that isn't God. My blessings are gifts from God, andI thank Him so much for them, but they are not God. If they go away, or if bad things befall me as before, when life happens, either bad or good or great, I can praise God (not just jumping for joy, but also prostrate on the ground with tears flowing and hurt showing). Either way. Life is not God. Life can be good, but that doesn't make God good. God just is goodness. Apart from experience either happiness or grief.
I was thinking about how when good things happen to us we say "Isn't God good?" Something that right now makes me mad because the flip side of that is that God is not good when things go wrong, which happens often, and sometimes in tragical ways. I am guilty myself of exclaiming merrily "God is good!" or "Praise God!" when someone gives me a good account on their life, an answered prayer, yes even a miracle. It isn't that it is wrong to do this, we are to give thanks and we can't help it, but I hardly ever hear a "God is good" when someone tragically dies, when we lose a child, a job, when pain and suffering engulf us, or most importantly others. Is God not good then? Of course He is. We know He is always good. All the time. Like people from the pulpit like to have us repeat. But when our hearts are broken it is SO HARD to say it, even if a whisper. You know the song " Blessed be His name?" the poignant verse goes:
He gives and takes away, He gives and takes away, my heart will choose to say, Blessed be His name
I can hardly say those words. Because I have lived that. God gave and took away. And it hurts so much. I cry almost every single time it is sung in worship. I am not saying it is wrong. This is how it should be. I want to want to choose to say these words. My feelings are so mixed though. Let's be honest, do we really want to Bless God when He seems so far away, so uncaring? When the one thing we pleaded for, we had faith in God for, does not happen or worse? Let's be honest... Do we feel His love? No, we don't feel it. But I know that means it is not there.
...I do not want to say "God is good" in the same manner as when good things happen to me, because it can't be the same way when times are good. It would be false. It would be projecting something I am not feeling. There is a time for grief, and lament, and they are perfetcly suibtable for praise and worship to God. Did you know that? That you can go to God and yell at Him? And tell Him you are so mad, why did He let this happen, Why has He abandoned you? Jesus did. And God was good then. And Jesus knew this. Isn't God good? We can shout at Him, hurl insults, and He loves us? I remember a lady coming after to me at worship when I had bared my soul to the assembly and shared how angry I was that God let Gioia died. Why did He give to then take away? Why let there be so much pain? This lady, who wasn't a member, came up and said she hoped I would repent, basically, and realize how wrong I was to be mad at God. How dare I think such things (btw, she did say them nicely, she wasn't mean to me but it hurt very much still). I actually told her I didn't agree. Didn't the prophets call out to God? Didn't Job? Didn't Jesus? ARe you a true Christian only because you always jump for joy, never grieve, everything is okay for you? I am trying to find a way to express my faith even in the context of hard times, even in the context of grief and hurt. Can you?
Can you connect with God even when you are not the picture of joyful glee?
Many times I think what we really are saying when we go out and say "Isn't God good? Look what He has done!" is..."Isn't this event good? It is just what we had hoped for!"...Isn't life good! You can say that...but be careful that you don't EQUATE that with God.
God is NOT life. Neither the good life nor the horrible life. What happens does make us happy or sad, but it is not God. And God can direct the happenings of life, but not always. He is not "Prince of this World" remember? And we are not less faithful because we aknwoldge that there are times that God is good yet we are angry nonetheless.
I think I finally understand what Philip Yancey meant when he wrote about a friend who had something horrible happen to him, telling him that he wasn't mad at God "because I don't see God as life. They are two separete things. I am mad at how the world is. This desease. My disability. The death of my family and friends. But not God. He isn't that."
The opposite goes too. My miracle Jeremiah, that isn't God. My blessings are gifts from God, andI thank Him so much for them, but they are not God. If they go away, or if bad things befall me as before, when life happens, either bad or good or great, I can praise God (not just jumping for joy, but also prostrate on the ground with tears flowing and hurt showing). Either way. Life is not God. Life can be good, but that doesn't make God good. God just is goodness. Apart from experience either happiness or grief.
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