Birthday Boy

This was my first birthday party, the theme was "Frog" :) I think I did a pretty good job frosting my very first cake. Of course, it wasn't all perfect. You can't see what happened underneath all the frosting! I also made cupcakes, you can see them on our flickr link.
Enjoy!

I'm leaving on a Jet plane

But I do know I'll be back again :) However I will be flying back home to Italy to stay for 6 weeks! I want to update my blog more often there than I have been lately. My last post was a little melancholy...ok, lame. I guess summer times has too many advertisement of skinny bikini girls running around, though I have yet to see the beach! And I will, I am going to Taormina, Sicily, not far from Mt. Etna, for about 5 days. I can't wait, it's been so long since I've seen waves wash upon a shore, retreat and come back anew...and that view, of the sea meeting the sky...ah...the sand between my feet, salty smell, the breeze and the rhythmic sounds. Yes, I am going to enjoy it a lot. Hopefully it won't be too busy where we are. I have these dreams of me waking early with Jeremiah, leaving him with my mom and walking to the beach, empty and doing yoga and meditation, morning and evening. Also a lot of reading under the ombrellone. And my son, who just turned one. (I am going to update with pictures on that, next :) I can see him chasing after those waves, laughing with glee, and stopping him from stuffing his face with sand. With luck we will be able to make it to the Alps, or the pre-Alps, like the Dolomites behind my parents' apartment. That way my hubby can leap with glee up some mountain trails and look over the glacier lakes and pine trees. If not he will probably want to climb up Mt. Etna, a very nice active volcano near Taormina (uhm...)

side note: I am having a hard time concentrating b/c dh is watching a movie on tv, Johnny Q I think, and I've never seen it and it interests me 'cause it has to do with our messed up health care system. Which should be free, the important stuff I mean (not plastic surgery) and especially for children.

Back to my travel plans. I'll be overseas till the mid of August, part of the time just me and j-man. I hope to keep in touch with everyone over there as well. Thank you to all of you who wrote such encouraging comments on my last post. Again, I know that was truly silly (and more b/c I shared it with the world), so thanks for reminding me about something I should already know: I am wonderfully made. And the most important part is the inside, the only one that matters. Character modeling should be my #1 priority.

I am guessing me next few posts will be mucho more interesting!

Pace e Amore!

Why do I think that...

...being skinny means being happy? Is it only me? Of course not, this whole crazy society we live in tells us that repeatedly (and that skinny is beautiful. That's it. Your are skinny than you must be pretty too).

I hate that I keep struggling internally with this. I went to work out with this wonderful group of women. We meet at a church building and we work out, laughing, encouraging one another, even praying. But here I come home, take one look in the mirror, from a far away position and realize that I still look just as big as I was before I started working out. I still ate some chocolate today and peanut butter. Not too much. But in my mind that is what has happened. The ugly critic inside me says "You will always be fat, you will never be pretty."

What is worse? The fact that I am traveling in Italy in less than two weeks. AND I am going to a beach. An Italian beach. My sister knows what I am talking about. In Italy it seems everybody is skinny and beautiful. The truth is that Italians, especially women, are Obssessed with looks. They probably pay the most for beauty care and products. They truly are material/physical people. I don't know how often since I have lived in the states and have gone back to visit in my home country that I have heard :"Oh, Miriam, ti sei ingrassatta" (read: you got fat). Ugh. I am dreading hearing these comments. In my mind I want to be able to reply "And you are just as unfriendly as ever" or "And you have too!" Mostly it is older people who comment like this. The fact is that it will still hurt and I do not even k now if I will have the confidence to stick up for myself. But this is what I would want for other girls in my situation. To realize that their beauty is not from the outside. But I keep coming up against all this stuff that tells me otherwise.

It's a war I guess! Sometimes I feel like I am winning, but most times I feel such a weight on my self. On my spirit. When I get down on myself a lot of times it is because of what I think of myself physically. But isn't this so superficial?? Why don't I get down on myself because of what I am spiritually or mentally? Because of my mean parts, the pride or prejudices I have, why don't I beat myself because of that? Is it because after all I really think my worth is in how I look?

Yes. That is the simple ugly truth. I think that if I were skinny I'd be happy. Because I'd finally have meaning, I'd be perfect.

I wonder how many skinny people are happy......