Feeling Loved

So Sunday was my 25th birthday. Quarter of a century! I had a very special day, but even the weekend and the week before was great (hubby took me shopping on Wed. Just the two of us all day! And I actually found stuff I loved on sale!)
Usually my birthdays go by with a few phone calls from my family overseas, maybe a special meal and cake, and cards with perhaps a little money gift. This is all special, and by no means am I trying to diminish the love I receive from my hubby, parents, in-laws, grandparents and more. I love the attention and care I get from them this day and every other day as well. But it's been a while since I have had a b-day with friends over (been a while since I would ask "Mom, can I have a party?" and prefer to have a surprise one). This past weekend was also Memorial Day weekend and since we are to enter a very busy month before we depart for the Bel Paese (aka Italy) we decided we'd go visit friends and church family over there. It's been nine months since we first left and haven't been there at all since before Thanksgiving.

So our friends Russ and Liana (not to be confused with Ross and Rachel), who graciously hosted us this weekend, threw a party for me, with a white and pink frosted cake with my name on it, and friends from church to come eat dinner (lasagna!) and play really hilarious games...the more hilarious because of how much fun our friends are when we all get together. Yep, we had a good time. But what really made me feel all warm and fuzzy and even emotional was all the love and care, the fact that people would give me cards that say "We love you!" "You are special", that they would pay for my dinners and desserts, send me emails and cards, and wrote on my wall on facebook. And the presents I received, all were unexpected. I felt bad that I don't have the budget for getting presents for friends or even family right now, but it felt good to know someone had thought of me and bought me something just because they care. I had a very emotional week the one before, and I worried too much about what others thought of me, if the liked me, feeling like I was still in 6th grade.

What I received this weekend was the confirmation of the love from friends. Especially since they don't have to love me or even like me, the fact that they do, and I feel so underserving, makes it so special. so appreciated. so meaningful. So thank you friends for your love. It's the best gift ever!

PS I even got a free drink from the restaurant and only a waring on our way back when we were stopped for speeding! Thank you Lord for friends and unexpected freebies and grace!

Ascenscion Day, Scripture reading and Winner

Today is the day many churches who follow more closely liturgical calendars are celebrating Ascension day. I have finished reading about Lauren Winner's experience in an Episcopal church (author of Girl Meets God. I recommend this book, which is a very engaging spiritual autobiography of an orthodox Jew who became Christian in her twenties...she might be still twenty-something, so it is a very recent account. I might blog about it more later).


I know I am possibly romanticizing another Christian tradition/heritage. It is easy to do for me, I am very dramatic and prone to daydreaming. However, the idea of a more set, disciplined form worship both on Sundays, and everyday with the reading of the Book of Common Prayer, something so ancient, so time tested, is intriguing. In some ways what intrigued me was what Winner wrote in one particular chapter about why she chose the Episcopal Church, or Anglicanism. She said that a lot had to do with the way they read Scripture, they just didn't ditch all Christian authorities and writings, century old commentaries on scripture and other writings. they read scripture like the Jews read the Torah. This most intrigued me simply because my heritage is that of reading the Bible and coming to understand it for yourself. (and it is possible, sometime I'll write about a beautiful, fun story of the California surfer guy who found a Bible on the beach)
Obviously growing up others taught me Bible lessons and told me the stories (and what to believe or not) but once you are somewhat more mature and able to read and comprehend more on your own, you are expected to just 'know' what the Bible says. Well I can read the Bible, and I can tell you what it says, but I am often confused exactly what it means. There is the literal meaning, which is important to take down first, but then there is more, the allegorical and something else. Lauren Winner explains all this much better, for she is far more of an accademic intellectual than I am (bit of a snob, but I know she wont' take any offense! I think she is lot like my mom in the fact that she reads all the time and reads almost anything and I think my mom is the best!). Now, I think it is great that I can read the Bible on my own, and I should stop typing and do that very thing since I don't do it much at all. What I am saying is that this is very interesting way of putting things, something I have never thought of before. Aren't 'study' Bibles designed to enlighten us since there are thousand of years that separate us from the time the Bible was written and our own mindset and culture and understanding? Furthermore, they used much more allegory than we do nowdays as well. Don't we need help in reading these passages? It's hard to know exactly, I don't think we should be extreme as in some Christian traditions who believe only the Priest can explain things for you, reading the Bible wouldn't do you any good (The Bible, one of the 'banned' Books of the Pope for centuries). But then again, I don't think I can expect to understand EVERYTHING (esp. not the OT).

Sooooooo...................going back to Ascension Day. I guess those churches are gathering together to read about Jesus' return to Heaven to be with His Father. I think the idea of celebrating every year these important marks of the gospel story is very meaningful in the way we keep 'reminding ourselves', and for me, a very disorganized person and undisciplined in all things, it is a way to keep feeding me the food I need the most. The Story. And even on those days I don't feel an once of faith or 'spiritual' savoir faire, the tradition, the discipline of going to church, sitting, kneeling, standing, repeating, listening, singing certain hymns, reading certain verses...maybe I won't 'feel' God, the Spirit, but I will be blessed by know, yes HE still is here. Even when I can't see or feel or want, I will...because it is about bending the will "not mine but thy".
Thinking this way has made me see my own traditions at Church in a much better light. Reading about another and how interested it made me in them, I realized I can do the same with my own small ones, they are downplayed in my heritage (although very present and imporant to some), however I can take them in and let them help me in being more 'present', disciplined in my worship approach, bending my will, telling myself "M. I know you want to think about that movie and what you would have the President say and how you would conduct the sermon this morning, but focus: this is about GOD, not you. You made a promise to Him. Worship Him. Give Him honor. Think, talk, let it be about Him. Give your sacrifice of praise."

The best part of a day like today...I can look up into Heaven, imagine Him going home, and then daydream about Him coming back down. Every time I see rays of sunshine flowing from Heaven, through big cotton like clouds, I think...maybe today...maybe this is the day He'll come back, just like He went up.

Happy Ascension Day!

I am still around!

I have so much to say, too little to say, not sure how to say it, wish I could just sit down and chat over a nice glass of ice tea (yes, it is hot today).

I want the world to be a better place. I wish people wouldn't conform to others ideas just to fit in. I wish that there was no violence, that video games wouldn't make war entertainment and that guns were not invented. I wish for world peace. But I also wish that we didn't have beauty pageants. Please do not use bottled water. We are consuming in atrocious ways. I could write more and I know this is just a stream of consciousness like Ulysses Joyce coined. Just a sampling of my rambling.

TTYL. Really, I'll be back with more coherent thoughts.

PS I had written something a little too personal. I felt I was hanging dirty laundry for all to see here on this blog. It wasn't anything bad, but it was still personal. I know I am an 'open book', always have been. But that doesn't mean everyone wants to (or needs to) hear what I have to say. (Now you are probably wondering what it is uh? LOL! Keep you hanging...)

A few very good picts!

We are doing fine, the three of us. Adjusting to a new living space. Jon is doing great at school, but now has to really buckle down for finals end of this month (or beginning of next... can't remember which!). Jeremiah is so much fun and joy. We have never been quite as popular as now when toting him around. In fact it is now not "Hi, how are you?" but "Hi Jeremiah!" He is already quite a chick magnet, however big burly fellows are quite taken by him as well. Here is a picture we took last week of J-man. You can find more on our flickr site. Jon put up a real cute one, my fave, with a caption that is quite insightful on his blog. And me? So much stuff on my mind at times I think I am going to explode! So much I want to do, wish to do, have to do, don't want to do. I guess what I need is inner peace, and just embrace simplicity. Not to worry or fret. And learn the art to be 'content in every circumstance'. Yeah. Especially that last part!

A few good films

We really enjoy good movies, although lately they seem hard to find. I really like it when friends and others recommend movies to us, and let us know what they really enjoy, be it a new release or a nice old one. So here are a couple we have watched recently and really enjoyed. One is inspirational, based on a true story with a wonderful performance by my teenage crush Wil Smith. It is called The Pursuit of Happyness (spelled incorrectly on purpose). The other one we just watched last night and it was one of the most original movies we have got to see in a long time! Will Ferrel definetly redeemed himself for me in this one! And what could you expect from a movie that was graced by the talents of one of my all-time favourites actress, Emma Thompson? Stranger than Fiction was a true fun movie to watch.

Movies are a big thing in my family. But not just anything. I would like to say cinema was a hobby of my parents. Not going to the cinema, but the word itself has more artistic intent and depth of insight than just plain movies. My parents and I would often spend hours discussing a movie, be it Shindler's List or The Blues Brothers! They taught me what made an actor good or bad and it had NOTHING to do with looks! (That is why I could love someone like Gerard Depardieu even when I was fifteen years old). Yes, my taste in movies are quite different from my peers. I look back with nostalgia at the scripts and screenplays of movies such as Sabrina, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner and Arsenic and Old Lace. No amount of special effects can make up for the beauty of a well thought-out plot and wonderful script and casting. That is why I do not like the new Star Wars trilogy, a far cry to the original one, and why the Lord of the Rings trilogy keeps me wishing for a little more of what I see laying beneath the characters and story but hard to surface because of it's flashy action scenes and out-of-this-world imagery (which I admit that is pretty good, and the story as well).

Good films are truly hard to find these days. Why is this industry constantly putting out horror films? Why do we want to watch such things? What are we supposed to be learning from these new releases? Or is that just it, that films aren't to be insightful and meaningful for us. Could that be why more and more stupid movies abound in theaters? Is it that the film industry is trying to copy TV now? Instead of the other way around?
Low-quality story for entertainment. Just make me laugh. No, better make me NOT THINK. That is what TV is these days and what most movies are as well. They are not there to make you think of what you saw, how it translates in your life. There is not internal action to take place in our dormant minds and souls. Because all I need is to not think, not connect to others, ignore my reality and the reality around me. I don't want to be roused to action. But please do help me unlearn the precious little knowledge I do have and make me as stupid as I can be. At least, that is what I think the TV and movies are telling me these days...which means at least I can still think for myself.

And that is in part because I have books. Thank Heaven I still have my books!

Quiz

Yes, El. I am a copy-cat. I shouldn't think about what others think about me, but I am just so curious!....so, could u please my friends take this quiz about moi?

27 Things I LOVE about DH

Dear Hubby (DH) turned 27 this past Sunday. Here is what I wrote to him and share out loud with the family and friends at his birthday party:

27 reasons why I love Jon:
1. He is a patient and attentive listener
2. He is kind to everyone he meets
3. He has a nice voice
4. He thinks I am smart
5. That makes him smart too!
6. He takes risks
7. He let's me vent
8. He takes care of J-man so I can go out
9. He loves nature
10. He irnos his own shirts
11. He says I love you everyday
12. He doesn't roll his eyes when I repeat one of my stories for the 100th time
13. He loves my family
14. He loves to grill
15. He can say I love you to his guy friends!
16. Plays with and makes our son laugh a lot
17. He likes a good sweat (i.e. good with physical labor like moving boxes, mowing the yard, etc!)
18. He is very handsome (I could say more... but don't want to embarrass him)
19. He enjoys watching chick flicks with me
20. He is a hard and diligent worker
21. He loves others genuinely
22. He isn't afraid to show his emotions
23. He helps me with the computer and is patient with me about it too
24. He is a dreamer
25. He is mostly content with what he has
26. He is a loving leader and servant
27. He ages wonderfully just like wine! The older he gets the better!

I should be busy packing and getting ready right now but wanted to post something quick ( we are moving into a new place this weekend)
I know I am quite long-winded bot in real life as well as in this blogging world but I will try and just give synopsis of what's running through my brain and over me in my life.

I am going to try and read this spring Vanity Fair by Thackeray (it's pretty long!) and at least get a lot read of The Fellowship of the Rings by Tolkien with Jon. Although I wish I could put down a tons of other books I have learned that I must give myself smaller goals in order to follow through. Baby steps, baby steps.
I will be living in my in-laws' house in a small apartment they attached while remodeling two and half years ago. We will be even closer to campus. This will be at least through the summer.
We will be flying to Italy in July and Jeremiah and I will stay there for almost two months lord willing!
I am still trying to get fit, eat less sweets and lose weight. Not doing so good with #2. But last night at workout I got whipped and am so sore right now.
I can't believe Jeremiah is 9 months old! He is all over me these days, climbing on me and more. He also has learned the art of constant whining. That's his communication thing right now.
He says hello (trying to pull down the keyboard here).
I have been interested in my spiritual heritage lately. Among a numerous of other things.
I miss girl time something terrible. (Anyone want to plan a night out?)
My hubby is really busy with school work right now. He still manages to be the best dad and hubby even as a part-time student!

That's about if for now.


Talk to you later next week, I hope!

So instead of that spring cleaning, how about some spring reading? Just take up a book and head out for the park. Remember to take an old blanket or something to lay down underneath a shady tree while the cool breeze blows on you as you munch on an apple under a sunny blue sky day and read a just as delectable novel. Doesn't that just sound like a perfect spring afternoon? Find out more about this SPRING READING CHALLENGE. Thanks Lisa B. for introducing the idea!

So what am I going to read this spring? I will have to get back to you on that because I have to many to think of right now! I know I want to read Vanity Fair with Rachel (I think she is way ahead), I am just waiting for the book in the mail. How about some of you giving me some other ideas of great books? What do you think I should read this spring?


p.s. As a family reading challenge, Jon and I are going to try and undertake Tolkien's Lord of the Rings Trilogy!

Spring is here!

March 21~ Spring is here, and it has indeed already sprung. Daffodils are in bloom around town and the weather is warm, clear blue sky and a gentle warm breeze. Short sleeve shirts are ready and I am already in flip-flops although my feet do get cold still. I am so thankful! Thank you God for Spring! It is so nice to finally get out of the house and take a walk and enjoy the sights and colors spring brings. It truly does make everything 'new' in so many ways.

March 21 was also my nonna Siviglia's birthday. Thinking of you grandma. I love you.

For Fun- Visual DNA

I found a link to this from Lisa's blog. I thought I'd try it out. This is what I got: I'm a sofisticat, love bug, and I back to basics girl, can you believe it?

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

My hometown

Yes, two posts in a day to catch up folks! Although these aren't my pictures (found them on the web) I wanted to share my home town and the place where I grew up (all right, this is Citta' Alta and downtown Bergamo...too expensive to live there but I hang out here a LOT during high school)

What have I been up to?

I am so sorry I haven't been posting in, what, 2 weeks? 3?

We've been sick for some of this time (bad icky sick, stomach bug going around). Jon just had his spring break and so I got to enjoy my hubby a little more! And well, I fell off 'the wagon' so to speak- got out of habit of posting! (every time I use a figure of speech, I wonder if I just think it is a figure of speech and I am making one up, saying it wrong you know? I really did grow up in Italy! Please don't think I am weird.)

Others often ask me what I have been up to. I have to stop and wonder about that too. Let's see: I tell "no" and "don't do that" about 7,000 times a day to my almost 9 month old. I try and do 10 things at once (check email, watch Jeremiah, put up some toys up, read, answer a phone call, try to make a phone call or write an email, cook, clean, clean Jeremiah's mess, and just doing nothing on the computer). What do I do? Staying at home makes you feel like you don't' really do anything, although it isn't true. I know I am doing what I need and want to be doing: taking care of Jeremiah. It is frustrating and wonderful at the same time!

A lot goes inside my head too though and I'd like to share that for it is very intersting: I thought a lot about a woman's identity in Christ and not in temporal roles, about politics, war, peace, about marital relationship and how to strengthen mine, about prayer and God, the environment and what am I doing about it, a lot about consumerism and how even Christians are highly consumerists and how can I change that...I am always thinking of how I'd convey my musings and ideas to others. If you ever take a trip into my brain you would feel like you are at once sitting at an UN conference, a theological seminar and a rally. I think about how I want to change the world and I come up with all kinds of ideas and I used to think everyone else did too. Finally after my dh, my sister, my counselor and several other people told me that no, most people didn't, it hit me that I am the weird one. So although my laundry is not finished, the kitchen is still a wreck, the meal in the crockpot I made up and hope it tastes fine and Jeremiah chipped the entertainment center (he manage to take a piece of the plywood off...don't ask me how...I was on the computer), in my mind I finished my my first draft on a lengthy essay on a woman's value in Christianity and added another chapter in my book about Christians and grief and started a new group that engages Christians and others to stop thinking and acting in consumerist ways and finding ways to diminish our consumerist instincts.

Maybe I'll blog about my imaginative life more often.

Quote of the Week

But in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.
- Benjamin Franklin

The Kind of Wife Every Husband Needs

Sorry I have been gone for a while. I had a busy week and actually it can be good to take a break!

While I was out 'surfing' a couple weeks ago I found this blog post I really enjoyed. I asked the author if I could share it so here it is. I thought it was well said. Being a vocal girl as well as one who believes what I am thinking and need or want should be obvious to the one who loves me (a.k.a. my husband), this was a good reminder that, well, it isn't about us girls all the time and being a wife is indeed a lot like being the very best friend on the earth. Reminds me of an Italian saying, :

Nessuno puo' trovare un amico perche' nessuno cerca di esserlo
(No one finds a friend because no one is trying to be one)

The Kind of Wife Every Husband Needs

I remember the day it started to sink in. We had vowed to stay together “for better or for worse.” I had pictured that to be tornadoes, job losses and unexpected deaths. Why didn’t anyone look me in the face and say, “Sometimes your spouse will be the ‘for worse’ part, and sometimes it will be YOU!” ? You know what? Someone probably did say that, and just like all of the marriage books I had read, as soon as I felt an ounce of conviction on my own life, and I shut the book and moved along. I was looking for someone to tell me what I wanted to hear – how to fix my husband! In the meantime, I was rejecting all that God wanted me to be.

Ten years and three kids later, I’ve learned a few things. One of those is that I still have so much more to learn! There are many more blessings and many more difficult times to come. I just want to tell you three simple things I ignored, as God was yelling them into my ear (whispering didn’t seem to be working!).

Tell your husband what you want and need. It would be gloriously romantic if he could read your mind about everything. However, he won’t … because he can’t. That doesn’t make him a jerk. It just makes him human. You’re not losing out if you have to verbalize things for him. Instead, you’re giving him the opportunity to help you and express his love for you in the best way possible. “Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned, as it were, with salt, so that you may know how you should respond to each person.” Colossians 4:6

Be his safe haven. Ladies, we’re verbal. Some of us are TERRIBLY verbal! That’s when we start to cross the line from being articulate and outgoing … to just plain sinful. Your husband needs to know that even if he falls on his face, he can come to you as a place of accountability, confession and then know that you will help him to continue to grow in his journey with Christ. The way we speak about our husbands (to them, and to others) will either help or hurt them as they slowly develop into stronger spiritual leaders in our homes. If you need counsel in your marriage, seek out a person with more life experience, and whose walk with Christ is obviously bearing fruit. Ninety-nine percent of the time, that does not include peers, co-workers or family. Give your husband the assurance that his name is safe on your tongue. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Proverbs 18:21

Let your marriage be an act of worship. You really can simplify some of this down. The closer you are to Christ, the more you see things through His eyes, and understand His heart. The way you serve your husband, speak to your husband, share intimacy with your husband … it is all an act of worship to your God! Every time there has been some sort of problem in my marriage, it has ALWAYS come down to being a spiritual problem. We are to bring glory and honor to our Creator, each and every day. One way we can do that is by honoring the marriage covenant we have made. “The people whom I formed for Myself, will declare My praise.” Isaiah 43:21

What Love Means to a Child

(This was sent to me from a dear friend and it is always warms my heart to read it! Talk about putting 'flesh' on the word Love!)

Adults should take lessons from some of these kids!!! A group of
professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year olds.

"What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than
anyone could have imagined.



1. When my grandma got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toe
nails anymore. So my grandpa does it for her now all the time, even when
his hands got arthritis too. That's love. Rebecca - age 8


2. When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just
know that your name is safe in their mouths. Billy - age 4

3. Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving Cologne and
they go out and smell each other. Kari - age 5


4. Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your french
fries without making them give you any of theirs. Chrissy - age 6


5. Love is what makes you smile when you're tired. Terri - age


6. Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip
before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK. Danny - age 7


7. Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing,
you still want to be together and you talk more. My mommy and my daddy are
like that. They look gross when they kiss. Emily - age 8


8. Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening
presents and listen. Bobby - age 7


9. If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who
you hate. Nikki - age 6


10. Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it every
day. Noelle - age 7


11. Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still
friends even after they know each other so well. Tommy - age 6


12. During my piano recital, I was on stage and I was scared. I looked at
all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the
only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore. Cindy - age 8


13. My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing
me to sleep at night. Clare - age 6

14. Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken. Elaine - age 5


15. Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is
handsomer than Robert Redford. Chris - age 7

16. Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone
all day. Mary Ann - age 4

17. When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars
come out of you. Karen - age 7

18. Love is when mommy sees daddy on the toilet and doesn't think it's
gross. Mark - age 6


19. You really shouldn't say "I LOVE YOU" unless you mean it. But if you
mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget. Jessica - age 8



And the winner was a 4 year old child whose next door neighbor was an
elderly man who had just lost his wife. When the child saw the man cry, the
little boy went over into the man's yard and climbed on top of the man's lap
and just sat there. When the boy's mother asked him what he'd said to the
neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry."

This last one is SO SPECIAL to me. I have sort of been in the place of the 'elderly man' and I know for myself that when others will come and 'cry' with you, just grieve with you, it is truly amazing: I have felt the pain wash away with the tears of someone who truly cares.

P.S. I am not one for pictures of Jesus, because it isn't his 'physical' appearance that was important, in fact Isaiah said he was nothing to look at really, BUT to have an image, an idea of Jesus in action, Love in action, has always been beautiful for me to see (not just the Jesus standing there, light brown hair and blue eyes and white complexion. We pretty much know that THAT Jesus was nothing like what he looked like- or was about)

Jesus be my Valentine :)

I was telling my friend and neighbor Stephanie today that I wish this day wasn't only about couples and that kind of romantic love, but just about love, simple yet wonderful, for everyone at every time in life. I am so blessed to have that kind of 'romantic' love, being married, although realistically, for us it isn't always 'passionate' and 'romantic' like those nice chick-flicks, but we do like to celebrate that part of our relationship. But it is just a part, and not the whole, and not the foundation. The foundation is and must be agape-like love: that is selfless and unconditional. Maybe Valentine's Day could be called Love Day or Jesus's Day! I believe He embodied and still does today what Love is really about, for everyone, all the time, everywhere.

I thought about looking for a poem about Jesus and Valentine's Day and though I found them they were kind of cheesy. I had these great intentions of sending some Valentine emails/cards to some friends who I know need the extra 'pick me up' during this kind of holiday (single, divorced, just plain lonely). I then realized that Jesus Himself sent His Valentine gift: His undying Love, demonstrated everyday and culminating at the cross. And His Holy Spirit, alive and active in us, if we only welcome it. God's gift, God's valentine to us: Jesus. I know this sounds all cheesy as well. Here is a verse I read the other day. There are thousands more, every word is part of His Story for us, and the purpose, the meaning, the central reason for all of this life is to love us. I remember still this day when I thought about having children. It is because it is beautifully and fulfilling to give love. Even if not children of your own, even if adults, older people, people from different countries or backgrounds or even with a complete different mindset as yours...it is still the most beautiful thing in the world: giving Love and receiving it.

"I have loved YOU with an everlasting love. I have drawn you with my loving-kindness (hesed=everlasting presence of love) "Jeremiah 31:3

Sometimes you need to put flesh on Jesus to understand this love. Check and see what some children said about love in the next (above) post!

In the meantime: I wish you love, now and always and forever!

Happy Belated Birthday Mr. Presdient!

Yeasterday was Mr. Lincoln's Birthday. I still remember the day Dr. Hayney in our History 101 class got all emotional and even shed a few tears remembering this great man of American History. Another person who 'dared to be the difference'. So Happy Birthday Abe!

The probability that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause we believe to be just. ~ Abraham Lincoln

This last quote reminds me of my dad! He used to say this to me I don't know how many times. He is such a teaser :) It is believed to belong to Mr. Abe himself:

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

Tale Madre, Tale Figlia

Like mother as daughter, the saying goes...

And true enough, I am my mother's daughter. I used to think that it was somewhat silly that my mom would spend all her extra money solely on books. That is until I realized, after hours of thinking and agonizing on what I should buy, that I really just wanted to buy books. And guess what I did with all my Christmas money? I bought books. I am now very much at peace, and even secretly happy that I have such a fascination with books (that I read them all or not). This is a big part of me like it is with my mom. And I think my mom is great.
So now all my $ has gone to reading material... with some left for chocolate and cappuccino to go along with it. And if I ever get some extra again...you will know where to find me: browsing the bookstore (though in this modern age I might be inclined to buy them from Amazon..more books for me!)

I love you mom!

I must count my blessings

It isn't easy to do, 'count your blessings.' I sometimes resented that because it made me feel like that meant my sorrows were not valid, unimportant, that if they hurt me than something was wrong with me, I was sinning.
BUT...a few weeks ago I realized I did a terrible thing (for me, myself): I forgot to write a Christmas letter to Gioia and put it in her stocking. I have done this every Christmas since she died. It was/is a tradition. Being sick, busy with a 6 month old, and just busy w/ the holidays, I forgot to do it. I immediately wrote in her diary. I know this doesn't hurt her, she isn't capable of feeling the pain of a forgetful mother, and plus I do this for myself, for my continual healing process of not having her with me everyday (you can bet I miss her and think of her everyday. Especially holidays are hard, when we are with extended family and you know someone is really missing then).

I was writing to her, in a special diary I haven't written in a long time, and realized that although I haven't been writing to her, I have been talking to her, and not just to myself, but to many others, to friends who have been alongside my journey off and on, sometimes all along, some of them sort of new to my heartache. And it HIT ME: I am so blessed, I actually have people I can talk to about Gioia and who listen, and do not judge, and who want to listen, and do not run away uncomfortable about talking about pain and death.

I tend to look at the negative side: most people don't want to talk about Gioia and change subject if I bring it up. But, there is a huge positive side: there are people, and probably I am blessed to have more than most, who do and want to hear about Gioia and share this part of my life. I am blessed. I am not 'doing' this alone. I have someone to share with and confide with. And not just with my internet community, but I mean in real life!

I would love to write down their names here, all those beautiful people who have had the courage and patience and love to walk with me and share with me the beauty and the pain, the joy and the sorrow of having and losing Gioia here on earth. But they are in my heart. Your 'gift' will never be forgotten and I count you as my most precious 'blessings' and ;bringers of healing.'

ps If my friend Jacqui, Jackson's mom, ever reads this: thank you for all you have done for me, sending me love and comfort and memories to cherish through the mail throughout the past three years!

Sorrow and laughter are both good

I won't look up the verse right now, but you know the one in Proverbs that says "Laughter is medicine for the heart." Well, the other day I heard the same author (I believe Solomon wrote most of Proverbs) in his book Ecclesiastes wrote in 7:3: Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart.

So which one is it? I don't' remember the chapter/verse also for this one, but I remember someone pointing out that in the same book of Proverbs we have a verse that say "Do not respond a fool according to his folly" and then a little later "respond to a fool according to his folly" (again, something like that). The preacher/teacher was saying that this points out to a huge contradiction, which would seem to justify the Bible not being so reliable after all (I have to admit I have dealt with such feelings before, even now with certain verses of the Bible that seem to clash). Which one instruction do we follow? Which one is the correct one? Well...maybe both are. I know this might be elementary for some of you (do you say that in English? "elementary", you know, like "Elementary, Watson?"...I am literal-translating from Italian), but for me this was a light bulb. Why can't they both be right. Sometimes you should reply to someone stupid, sometimes you should not. And we need God's wisdom to distinguished both.

In Ecclesiastes again the author says there is a time for everything. A time to laugh and a time to mourn. Neither is wrong. So, although laughter is good medicine (and I intend to get a good fun movie tonight, as a prescription for my heart), sorrow is also good, although it's effects are not immediate like laughter. And it definitely does not feel good to your heart. I think the truth is that it is good for our character, for our whole person, not just how we 'feel and think' with our heart. The person who shared this verse also shared this part of a devotional with me: God never uses anyone to a great degree until He breaks the person completely. Joseph experienced more sorrow than the other sons of Jacob, and it led him into a ministry of food for all the nations For this reason, the Holy Spirit said of him, "Joseph is a fruitful vine...near a spring, whose branches climb over a wall" (Gen. 49:22). It takes sorrow to expand and deepen the soul.

Some people sing the song "Break My Heart" and I think...do they know what they are asking? It really hurts, when God breaks are heart. But it is good for us. A kind of good that does n' t translate in our human terms, that doesn't taste good, but tastes like sorrow and grief and wretchedness, like the cup of Christ.

Laughter and sorrow are both good. But it is through sorrow that we have the opportunity to reach out the most to others and give them God's love.

Tell me about YOU!

So, instead of doing that tag thing, I will just ask my readers some weird questions (just kidding!).
Just reply in the comments! I will too :)
1. What book are you (mostly) reading right now?
2. If you could travel anywhere, all expenses paid, where would you go?
3. If you had been born in another historical time, what would that be?
4. What's your usual breakfast? (do you have breakfast?)
5. Name one of your favorite writers.
6. Dogs or cats?
7. Art or science?
8. Your favorite (or one of your favorite) oldie movie (if you have one, if not whatever)

It's official now...

I am deemed a Souther girl. I have been here, oh boy, 8 years. (there you see, that, I said "oh boy") and just the other night I ran into my old high school teacher, Mrs. Lightle. She recongnized me. I said "Hi, remember me?" before I realized I said my married name, so she said, "Miriam Console! What is it now?" and "Are you still here?" Crazy yeah. Actually we did live in Memphis for a couple years. She looked at me and said "You lost your Italian accent"...Oh, that made me really sad. I have got that sweet little souther twang now, no one would know I was actually raised in Italy. I sound Arkansan all the way! (BIG sigh)

Oh well, my mom is a nice Southern gal, but with the greatest Italian heart I know, so I guess, it isn't too too bad. I have my Italian eyes and skin with a sweet southern american accent. LOL.

(But I am still Italian at heart!)

Why Gioietta?

I forgot to add this: My middle name is Joy. In Italian that is Gioia. (Yes, like my baby girl in Heaven). Gioietta like I said was a nickname of mine in HS in Italy.
But I have others: Miriuccia Gioia, Fruit Joy, Miriuzza, Mimi, Mida, Miria' (that is actually just roman dialect, you know w/ the accent and the last letter taken off). There are some that I won't mention because they are mean (yes, those back in middle school). Usually these nicknames 'belong' to people, meaning certain people use them. That's it. Just thought I'd share. =^)

Who is Gioietta?

Gioietta was a nickname my friend Laura S. from Lussana High School in Bergamo gave me, I think it was our 3rd year, that would be 11th grade.
I have created a new account, so when I post or when I leave a comment you will see "Gioietta" instead of jnmth. I have changed that account to to wryefam, I think.

Here is what I did: I had to make myself a co-admin/writer for my blogs b/c of that infamous problem we had when dh and I both switched to google blogger using the same account name/pswd.

So, now my Italian blog and this blog are under Gioietta. I also have a third blog that I share with my bosom buddy about our adventures in trying to read classic novels together (yeah, we want to be smarter than average, ahah!)

Jon's old blog (he has a new one here), I think I am going to keep in and rename it and make it one of those 'all about the family stuff' blogs. I have felt guilty sometimes because i dont' blog much about my boy and hubby and the everyday things i do. to me they are wonderful, yet it isn't what my heart wants to talk about and blog about. that isn't to say i don't love my family. but i wonder if my mom does want do know what her little grandson is doing, and if any of my relatives in italy want to practice reading in english AND see pictures and updates about us and our life in america. i probably won't be updating that all the time, b/c like i said, my heart and mind keep going to abstract yet meaningful topics that i just need to write about and share aobut.

so this was a random post about what is going on w/ the blog. i kept the look as much as i can.
i hope you like visiting my blog. i am learning as i go and having fun for the most part.

btw, anyone reading my ITALIAN BLOG?????

Precious time, precious friends

I was going to say that I have been wasting my precious time today by just reading people's blogs, mostly people I know IRL, and commenting on their posts, or just saying 'hey'.

Thank I stopped and thought: no I am not wasting time. This is time I put on relationships. Although true, it would be infinitely better to sit down and chat with them (and that is what I decided to do, I called one friend after reading her latest post and said "I need to get together and visit with you"), I still get to see glimpse of their hearts or at least, for those who don't write their very heart's secrets like I might sometimes, I get to know what is going on and catch again a partial view of what is affecting their heart, everyday, every ordinary day.

So, IMHO, it wasn't wasted time. It was preciously devoted time for my friends, for relationship building. It is different this 'building' relationships through internet, such a vehicle that sometimes generates much distrust and for very good reason. I guess it is kinda of like living in the world, uh? Much evil and bad, but so surprisingly there is also lots of good too.

Like I said, I rather get together and chat, but please post a comment, drop me a line through email. It means so much, doesn't it? Thank you for all that read my blog and for those who have told me they do (and even enjoy it!phew!)

BTW, anyone else having trouble w/ the word verification thing on blogger when you leave comments. It took me twice as long to read everyone's blog and comment b/c I had to do word verification three times before it will register that I was copying it correctly. blogger-problems, you never know what will hit you next.

Tagged again!

1. I’ve come to realize that my ex-(boyfriend) --- needs my prayers.
2. I am listening to --- the dryer running.
3. I talk --- too much.
4. I love --- holding a mug of hot tea in my hands and sipping it slowly.
5. My best friends --- know who I really am and love me anyways.
6. I lost --- my daughter (but I will find her in Heaven).
7. I hate it when people ---look down on someone because they aren't as righteous as them.
8. Love is --- hard work but pays back tenfold in the end.
9. Marriage is --- hard work too. But also the best of friendships.
10. Somewhere, someone is thinking --- Does anyone care about me at all.
11. I’ll always be --- asking the hard questions.
12. I have a crush on --- my little boy (that is how it sort of felt at the beginning, before he was even born!)
13. The last time I cried was because --- I felt overwhelmed.
14. My cell phone --- doesn't exist.
15. When I wake up in the morning ---I take sometime to get my dreams to scatter off.
16. Before I go to sleep at night --- I try to get things done I couldn't during the day
17. Right now I am thinking about --- the nap I am not having because I am on the computer.
18. Babies are --- wonder and wonderful.
19. I get on MySpace --- hardly ever.
20. Today I --- took a shower, did laundry, gave baby a bath, spent idle time on amazon and got some food ready for tonite.
21. Tonight I will --- go to a theater performance on campus with hubby and maybe get a coffee and spend some alone time with him (so thankful for free babysitting!)
22. Tomorrow I will --- hopefully have had a good night's sleep, maybe do some grocery shopping and go to the library to work on my overdue long-distance course assignment.
23. I really want --- more energy.

I'll go ahead and also tag the same three people, but I might tag some more later!
Sheila, Ellen and Jon

Tagged #1

Well, dh has been tinkering with the computer, I've been sleep deprived, so finally I have caught on the fact that Jen has tagged me!
So here goes the short story with six words:

Miriam talked 'till her head popped.

No, it isn't an autobiography (although you might argue it could be).
And Yes, it was a challenge for me to write only 6 words. ha ha.

I am tagging Sheila, Ellen and Jon (I would have tagged GK but do you have a blog?)

Hellloooo out there! anyone here with me?

So, yes, I have been tinkering with the blog. It is different now under the new 'user-friendly' setting controls of the google blogger. And my tickers for J and G's birthdays can't be put right under the title for everyone to see. Oh well. I love them anyway. I'll put them down at the bottom since it doesn't make sense to have them on the side where you can't see the whole ticker.

How is everyone? January must be the busiest time of the month in some ways. I mean you have all these ideas, these resolutions for the new year, all these good and grand plans of things to do, accomplish, succed with the beginning of a new year! Alas...I find myself completely overwhelmed when I stop and consider all I want to do for today, tomorrow, next week, next month, the rest of the year, the rest of my life!!! help!

And yes, then I realize, what is going on here? Why am I wasting my time worrying about how I am going to get things done? What life is that? Most of the time life, the real stuff, happens not because you planned it and artfully succeded at getting it done. It is going for me to have dreams, even goals, and that I work to reach them. But it is the process that is more important than the goal. If I am not learning anything by living and working towards my dreams than feeling overwhelmed and frustrated, than they are not worth it! If the process is disillusionment and more than what can I expect of the goal? That goes for eating right and exercising! If I loathe and cringe everytime I think of saying no to dessert or working out than I need to stop and make some mental assesment. I want to enjoy life. No matter how hard it gets, I have only one life and I want to live it to the best of my ability.

Yeasterday I was thinking during worship about this. About the fact that I have one life on earth and that is it since I do not believe in reincarnation (thank Heaven NO!). And I came to one conclusion:
I want to live true and be real. I want to be authentic all the time, with myself, with my family, my friends, with strangers, with everyone and with God. I don't want to sit there and try to please everyone or live up to someone else's expectations or standards. I am not here to please anyone but God. And you know what? That is such a liberating feeling! You'd think, yikes...God, He is a tough one to please. He is so 'holy', so stern and so perfect. But no! It is so funny, but HE, the HOLY ONE, the righteous one, is so wonderful to please, for all He wants is your heart and for you to do your best in trusting Him and obeying Him. It isn't easy, no, but His love doesn't depend on a job well done, but on you constantly giving him your heart. The return is so much peace and freedom from all the "have to dos" of the world. I dont' have to be a succesfull person in any shape or form like the world views. I just have to journey with Him. The goal isn't success here, getting everything done while on earth. The goal is just living and loving and letting be, because God is in control and the final destination stays the same!
So my motto, having been one hour at a time has a new meaning: do not worry about what I will get done. Any small thing is a big accomplishment. So what if I haven't cleaned all the house? I vaccumed the floors today! So what if I haven't finished college yet? I am constantly reading and enjoying learning everywhere I go. So what if I don't have my parenting journey all planned out? I am learning so much, maybe more than him, and I enjoy and thank God for every moment spent with him. So what if my dreams don't all come true? It isn't about my dreams but God's, and they might seem bad right now, but I am looking at it sideways and down, I am art in the process and like with all creations they do look kinda messy when they are being worked on.

So what if I don't find my mission in life? So many talk about finding purpose in life (just think of the evangelical blockbuster hit "Purpose Driven Life", not saying it is bad, haven't read it, but it is still just a consumer-product, not life giving breath)...and while I was driving, thinking how in the past I thought I'd never be happy unless I knew what God was doing with me I realized this: That is what faith is! Not knowing! I have to trust God that my purpose is being accomplished now and all the time. I need to trust Him while having no clue whatsoever He is doing. What are you doing? I can ask Him that, and I might get an answer (i.e. clue), but it isn't up to me nor is it important for my life to know what my specific purpose is. I can live a full life without worrying or trying to work out the big plan. Because God is the big plan, and He is the driver. He stops and says : "We are getting out here" and I might interject "Why? I dont' think so? I dont' like this place, take me back!" yet...that is my purpose, to be there. I mightnot like it, but that is life....I am living God's plan. I am part of the plan. My mission is being part of His mission. He leads, I just breathe and take the next step. God, just keep my heart steady and don't leave my hand.

Lord, help me just be and not worry about being.

A river runs through it

Through our driveway, in front of our apartment. It's been raining since Thursday!
Somebody please remind me that I don't have to let it affect my mood (thanks, I reminded myself, sigh). I truly hope that the sun will come shining soon. I have missed him :) Makes me think of all those children songs about sunshine and rain. I know we need the rain. I feel like Teviah in Fiddler on the Roof "But God, will a little sunshine hurt so much?"

Well...at least I have an excuse for cuddling up with a nice cup of tea and read some...when, forgetting of course that I have to finish the dishes and laundry and entertain my beautiful 6.5 month old! More news to come :)

Happy Birthday to the man with the Big Dream

Happy Birthday Dr. King!

I know this man has made an impact in America, but also for me and others around the world. Thanks for being and living the difference :) I hope to also live the dream out loud.

Here is quote of his I gathered from the book I read in Spring '05 for my African American History class:

"Leaders are needed...in every community all over this nation..NOT leaders in love with money, but in love with justice. Not leaders in love with publicity but in love with humanity."

I saw a flier in the store this past week about campaigning for a new U.S. Department. It is a campaign to establish a dept. of PEACE. This is something that I can see myself getting involved in. You can visit their website and find out more at www.thepeacealliance.org

Oh, also, check out the picture on Google today, it's heartwarming :) (I don't know if they will change it throughout the day, but I don't think so)

Finding Sayid and a girl named Gioia

Any LOST fans out there? Jon and I are, however not the kind that stays up or video tapes the episodes. We just go on a fast for almost a year until the last episode comes out in dvd, than we rent them all and watch them in just a few evenings. The culprits of such an act are our friends Tommy and Rachel who bought us the first season over a year ago now. Thank you guys. No, really, that was such a great gift. Jon and I have loved the series. They are really captivating, and usually have great plots and storilines, that get tangled up with storylines.

On New Year's eve I was sick and Jon went out to rent some movies. He came home with the English Patient, which won a lot of oscars when it first came out in the late 90s. I remember watching it sometime in Italy. I remember loving the story of Juliette Binoche and the indian guy, not so much that of the "english patient" and his lover (which was basically a story of adultery). But it has good acting. Well you will never guess, but the Indian guy I was talking abou that has this fling with Juliette Binoche, who plays Hana, a nursue in WWII, is Sayid, the Iraquanian guy from LOST! How cool is that? I just couldn't believe it! IT is funny to look back at a movie you had enjoyed when younger and discover some actor you know now from a more recent series was in that! There was a lot of other things I 'noticed', including the smashing Colin Firth who played Darcy, and other British romantic comedies, playing the unlucky husband.

But one other sweet thing my husband tole me was about the end of the movie. When Hana leaves the English patient to breathe his last and return to her troop waiting for her to go back home (presumambly the US), an Italian lady comes to pick her up at the abandoned villa in Tuscany where she was staying. Her fellow countrymen introduces this lady as "Gioia."
I was sleeping when this scene came and went by, but it sure hit Jon. He had never "heard" the name on the screen, actually not often ever spoken about somebody other than our daughter. And it was spelled the same. Gioia is in fact kind of old fashioned and not many girls have that name in Italy. It isn't 'strange' just not common, sort of like Miriam.

So it was neat. A girl named Gioia, just popped out in the movies. I know it is silly. Isn't it neat thought that something silly like this warms our hearts anyway?

Just thought I'd share!

God IS NOT life: a realization

I apologize before hand for this post for it is kinda angry/hurt. I just need to write how I feel, but it isn't against anyone in particular. For those who know where I come from and what I have and still struggle with spiritually this might make a lot of sense.


I was thinking about how when good things happen to us we say "Isn't God good?" Something that right now makes me mad because the flip side of that is that God is not good when things go wrong, which happens often, and sometimes in tragical ways. I am guilty myself of exclaiming merrily "God is good!" or "Praise God!" when someone gives me a good account on their life, an answered prayer, yes even a miracle. It isn't that it is wrong to do this, we are to give thanks and we can't help it, but I hardly ever hear a "God is good" when someone tragically dies, when we lose a child, a job, when pain and suffering engulf us, or most importantly others. Is God not good then? Of course He is. We know He is always good. All the time. Like people from the pulpit like to have us repeat. But when our hearts are broken it is SO HARD to say it, even if a whisper. You know the song " Blessed be His name?" the poignant verse goes:
He gives and takes away, He gives and takes away, my heart will choose to say, Blessed be His name

I can hardly say those words. Because I have lived that. God gave and took away. And it hurts so much. I cry almost every single time it is sung in worship. I am not saying it is wrong. This is how it should be. I want to want to choose to say these words. My feelings are so mixed though. Let's be honest, do we really want to Bless God when He seems so far away, so uncaring? When the one thing we pleaded for, we had faith in God for, does not happen or worse? Let's be honest... Do we feel His love? No, we don't feel it. But I know that means it is not there.


...I do not want to say "God is good" in the same manner as when good things happen to me, because it can't be the same way when times are good. It would be false. It would be projecting something I am not feeling. There is a time for grief, and lament, and they are perfetcly suibtable for praise and worship to God. Did you know that? That you can go to God and yell at Him? And tell Him you are so mad, why did He let this happen, Why has He abandoned you? Jesus did. And God was good then. And Jesus knew this. Isn't God good? We can shout at Him, hurl insults, and He loves us? I remember a lady coming after to me at worship when I had bared my soul to the assembly and shared how angry I was that God let Gioia died. Why did He give to then take away? Why let there be so much pain? This lady, who wasn't a member, came up and said she hoped I would repent, basically, and realize how wrong I was to be mad at God. How dare I think such things (btw, she did say them nicely, she wasn't mean to me but it hurt very much still). I actually told her I didn't agree. Didn't the prophets call out to God? Didn't Job? Didn't Jesus? ARe you a true Christian only because you always jump for joy, never grieve, everything is okay for you? I am trying to find a way to express my faith even in the context of hard times, even in the context of grief and hurt. Can you?
Can you connect with God even when you are not the picture of joyful glee?

Many times I think what we really are saying when we go out and say "Isn't God good? Look what He has done!" is..."Isn't this event good? It is just what we had hoped for!"...Isn't life good! You can say that...but be careful that you don't EQUATE that with God.

God is NOT life. Neither the good life nor the horrible life. What happens does make us happy or sad, but it is not God. And God can direct the happenings of life, but not always. He is not "Prince of this World" remember? And we are not less faithful because we aknwoldge that there are times that God is good yet we are angry nonetheless.

I think I finally understand what Philip Yancey meant when he wrote about a friend who had something horrible happen to him, telling him that he wasn't mad at God "because I don't see God as life. They are two separete things. I am mad at how the world is. This desease. My disability. The death of my family and friends. But not God. He isn't that."

The opposite goes too. My miracle Jeremiah, that isn't God. My blessings are gifts from God, andI thank Him so much for them, but they are not God. If they go away, or if bad things befall me as before, when life happens, either bad or good or great, I can praise God (not just jumping for joy, but also prostrate on the ground with tears flowing and hurt showing). Either way. Life is not God. Life can be good, but that doesn't make God good. God just is goodness. Apart from experience either happiness or grief.

Prayer for 2007

Here is a prayer for a wonderful 2007, that you will be blessed and most of all be a blessing to all who surround you.

Let your little light shine and reach for those dreams!

A New Year Prayer

Holy Father,
God of our yesterdays, our today, and our tomorrows.
We praise You for Your unequaled greatness.
Thank You for the year behind us and for the year ahead.
Help us in Your new year, Father, to fret less and laugh more.
To teach our children to laugh by laughing with them.
To teach others to love by loving them.
Knowing, when Love came to the stable in Bethlehem, He came for us.
So that Love could be with us, and we could know You.
That we could share Love with others.
Help us, Father, to hear Your love song in every sunrise,
in the chriping of sparrows in our backyards,
in the stories of our old folks, and the fantasies of our children.
Help us to stop and listen to Your love songs,
so that we may know You better and better.
We rejoice in the world You loved into being.
Thank You for another new year and for new chances every day.
We pray for peace, for light, and for hope, that we might spread them to others.
Forgive us for falling short this past year.
We leave the irreparable past in your hands, and step out into the unknown new year knowing You will go with us.
We accept Your gift of a new year and we rejoice in what's ahead, depending on You to help us do exactly what You want..
I say it again, we rejoice!
In Jesus name,
Amen.

New Year's Resolutions

I know. I can't believe I am sharing this. However, I am also going to share something that happened today that makes me feel more confident about telling everyone of my goals and thus making myself vulnerable of being teased if I don't live up to it.

I have three new year resolutions.

1. Read the Bible. Everyday. At least a paragraph. I don't have to understand it or even like it. In fact I plan to journal about it. But I will do it. With the grace of God!

2. Finish my correspondence course on writing children's literature. I am a bit ashamed to admit that I have completed only 3 of 12 assignments in the last...ahum...2 years. I have already paid it in full, but if I give a couple hours a week to work on it I should be done within a year.

3. Lose weight and get into healthy, active habits. I have an even more specific goal which will go unmentioned for now. This, to me, actually seems one of the hardest objectives for I have an emotional eating habit I need to work on and also a bad attitude towards workouts.

But the good news is that today I put a pair of jeans thinking it was one of the newer ones I was given but instead it was my PRE-PREGNANCY jeans!!! Woo-hoo! I am on the way already. I guess getting sick actually paid off. Perfect timing for the holiday season.

Sure, the jeans are not a perfect fit yet, and my hope is that they will actually be too big to wear in a few months, but it is a start.

Another reason to share: I have a lot to do that does not involve being on the computer. In fact, I really need to curb the time I spend 'surfing' the net. Butyou can always reach me at my email, so do not hesitate to contact me. Every comment you leave goes directly to my inbox.
Just a click away :)

All other ground

In Christ the solid rock I stand

All other ground is sinking sand

I have been meaning to post about a movie I saw recently. It's called "Second Chance" and it is a movie about church culture smashing with true faith and Christianity. Michael W. Smith plays one of the main roles, and honest to goodness, he is a pretty swell actor! I have to admit I was sort of skeptical though the plot intrigued me because it is something I believe every Christian, especially American Christians needs to hear.

My favorite part is close to the end, where Smith shares this old hymn "On Christ the solid Rock" and realizes that he had been wrong all the time in regards to what it meant to be a christian:

I wanted to serve Him as long as I could stay
comfortable, stay where it was safe.

Comfort is sinking sand.

Safety is sinking
sand.

I know I can say 'amen' to that. I also had this vision of a life of faith here on earth that was ease and painfree (especially emotionally), a vision that serving him would never cause me any pain or discomfort. Holding onto that notion, living as if that was what Christ was about, I found myself sinking through what I thought was unsinkabled. It's by God's grace that I was pulled out on to the rock. And the rock is not comfortable, let me tell you, nor is it in a safe place by any of our standards.

But it is solid, it is real and it is life.

So, if you have chance, watch the movie. It isn't cheasy or corny, so you shouldn't be dissapointed!

Merry Christmas!

Love to everyone! Enjoy the rest of the year!

The Christmas Cold

Well, Amy March said "It doesn't feel like Christmas without presents." Well, guess what Amy, that is fine for me. But it sure doesn't feel like Christmas when you can't smell your own chicken soup boiling or when you hear yourself speak like some kind cartoon character speaking from a glass globe around his head. That is what my week before Christmas has been like.

But I am glad it is Christmas. Because even if I don't get to see my family and visiting relatives because I am in quarantine, I still know they are out there, enjoying all kinds of delicious food and pies that I can not have (because it hurts the immune system like the lady at the health food store told me) and even if I could most of my taste buds have gone on vacation as well. So I guess this is good, I am getting a good start on my new year's resolution to lose weight. Without even a pill my appetite has been curbed to 45%.

My poor little boy is also sick, only that he still manages to be just as active and energetic as ever. I guess I got the cold, he has the ear ache infection. So you should see our table full of our Christmas presents from our loved ones: oranges for vitamin c, shacklees multivatimins and more vitamin c, emergen-c (yes, we believe in this vitamin), echinacea, echinacea tea, cough suppressants, congestion medicine, sudafed that I no longer take b/c it isn't working, and last but not least, garlic extract, to put directly on the toungue. Jon is also feasting on all these supplements, although he is now on to blowing his nose too. I am afraid he wasn't spared the cold.

But I didn't want this to be a negative outlook on my present day before Christmas. One good thing: I am getting to spend time with the two guys I love the most: my hubby and my baby. Together we are taking medicine, trying to sleep and get plenty of rest, watching movies, talking through clogged nasal passages, and most of all, thanking God for each other and for His love. Because that is what matters at Christmas: the ones we love (you too, my friendly readers) and the One who loves the most.

Thankful for Christmas and what it means to us.
May yours be blessed with love and grace and hopefully without a cold. :)

Teething, crawling and busting his lip!

J-man is starting to pseudo-crawl! He pushes himself across the floor at a pretty good speed, pushing on those strong legs and with his elbows, and obviously getting himself places I rather not want him to be. Sigh. It is beginning to look like Christmas for him! And for me, it is time to get the discipline thing going. "No Jeremiah, you can't have that/touch that/get into that/play wiht that." That's the easy part. The hard part is consistently showing him you are serious and keeping a watchful eye on what he does next! Testing his boundaries already!

But I did feel like a bad mama the other day when I was not watching and he quickly got from the carpet to the kitchen's hard floor and, having this need to gnaw on everything like a little puppy because of his teething (no teeth yet, but his gums are sure bothering him!),

BHAM! He slammed his face into the floor as if it were mush cereal. Immedietly he started screaming and giving this loud cry of pain. My heart just broke. How could I have not been more careful. I go there and think "Sounds like it's really bad" and sure enough his upper lip was bleeding. He buried himself in my arms and got blood on my shirt! I gave him a wet rag with an ice-cube in it and let him suck on it. He was so distraught that he fell asleep while I rocked to comfort him.

As you see, his new crawling place is our coffee table. Paper and books are great chewing toys for him!

Birthdays in Heaven

Last week I got in the mail a sweet invitation to a friend's child's birthday.

It was a beautiful pink handmade card with a "Hello Kitty" motif.

Hope, my friend's little girl, would be turning two. This was her estimated due date, for she was born too soon here on earth and went straight to Heaven.

I had heard that recently a radio talk show hostess while airing made a derogatory comment regarding people who take pictures of their 'dead' babies once they were stillborn and how morbid that was. She was talking about me. And about other families I know. I do not think many people agree with her but I know this comment hurt a lot of families who have lost a child.

I love my friend for making a little invitation for her little girl, even though it isn't much for her as it is for my friend. Yes, it is a little crazy for some, a childish 'make believe', perhaps some would argue it is not a good thing, it won't help us 'move along' or maybe it is a sign of psychosis, who knows. I want to disagree. I think it is a very healthy sign, of a mother who loves and misses a child she never got to hold and she is using God's given gift of creativity and showing courage and strenght to do something for love in the only way she knows how.

We would want to brush our child's hair, help her get dressed in the morning, teach her "Jesus loves me," help her cross the street, read her little books, take her to the park...so many activites that we as parents often take for granted. But when your child dies all of the sudden you miss these things. Even if you never did them before, like when I lost my first child.

And inthe same way you miss giving a birthday party.

For Gioia's first birthday I held a baloon release. I got a big container to inflate the baloons and bought pink and yellow baloons, my colors for Gioia. I also made pink and yellow cupcakes and decorated them with little butterflies. I got a number 1 candle to put in one of the cupcakes for Gioia to "blow out." I invited close friends and family, those who have been close to us and who love Gioia too although they never got to 'see' her perhaps. We went to the place where she is buried and at her marker we sang together some special songs and a lullabye and then lit up the candle for the wind to blow out. We then wrote messages on the baloons for Gioia and sent them up to Heaven. While we watched them 'dissapear' in the sky we ate our cupcakes and had pink lemonade. It was a good time. And it did my heart a lot of good too.

Not everyone who has lost a child will feel the need to express her love this way. We are all different and our personalities are different, therefore we should not assume everyone will grieve the same way. It also doesn't mean that some might love the children they loss more than others. Everyone has a certain degree of comfort with their experience of loss, just like my husband sometimes has a different way to express his feelings than I do.

So, do they celebrate birthdays in Heaven? I remember always wondering when was Gioia's birhday. She was born still on Sept. 4th, but she actually died around August 28th sometime. So is it then that she was born, albeit into Heaven? These questions can make it hard for someone who has lost a child to stillbirht or miscarriage. You wonder if you even had a child, if it was legit, if you are a mother. I have chosen to say yes. Yes, I did have a child. I am a mother, even if my second loss was only a few days past conception.

So, dear Hope. Happy Birthday! I wonder if you will have a birthday party in Heaven? Or is it that really, every day, is a true celebration for you because you are home with Jesus, happily waiting for your family to join you there?

Celebrating Hope, and life and death in Christ, knowing that there is peace and fulfillment awaiting for us there!

P.S. My friend also sent party favors in the mail! cute little pink favors for little girls. I brought them to Gioia's marker to show them to her. She likes hello kitty too, I am sure, just like every little girl:)

Forgive the Silence

First forgive the silence

That answers prayer,
Then forgive the prayer
That stains the silence.

Excuse the absence
That feels like presence,

Then excuse the feeling
That insists on presence.

Pardon the delay
Of revelation,
Then ask pardon for revealing
Your impatience.

Forgive God
For being only a word,
Then ask God to forgive
The betrayal of language.

Mark Jarman, from the "Five Psalms" in "To the Green Man"

I found this poem in the book on Prayer by Philip Yancey.
Here is an excerpt that really spoke to me about God's silence.

Religious radio and television, as well as certain books and magazines, say little of God's silence. By their accounts God seems to speak volubly, commanding this minister to build a new sanctuary and that housewife to launch a new Web-based company. God represents success, good feelings, a sense of peace, a warm glow. To an audience regaled by such inspiring stories, an encounter with the silence of God hits like a shocking exception and stirs up feelings of inadequacy. The exception, in fact, is the cheery optimism of modern consumer-oriented faith. For centuries Christians learned what to expect on their spiritual journey from the bumbling pilgrim in Pilgrim's Progress, from John of the Cross' Dark Night of the Soul, from Thomas à Kempis's challenging Imitation of Christ. The one mentor who wrote most openly about the presence of God, Brother Lawrence, composed his thoughts while washing dishes and cleaning toilets.