Why Gioietta?

I forgot to add this: My middle name is Joy. In Italian that is Gioia. (Yes, like my baby girl in Heaven). Gioietta like I said was a nickname of mine in HS in Italy.
But I have others: Miriuccia Gioia, Fruit Joy, Miriuzza, Mimi, Mida, Miria' (that is actually just roman dialect, you know w/ the accent and the last letter taken off). There are some that I won't mention because they are mean (yes, those back in middle school). Usually these nicknames 'belong' to people, meaning certain people use them. That's it. Just thought I'd share. =^)

Who is Gioietta?

Gioietta was a nickname my friend Laura S. from Lussana High School in Bergamo gave me, I think it was our 3rd year, that would be 11th grade.
I have created a new account, so when I post or when I leave a comment you will see "Gioietta" instead of jnmth. I have changed that account to to wryefam, I think.

Here is what I did: I had to make myself a co-admin/writer for my blogs b/c of that infamous problem we had when dh and I both switched to google blogger using the same account name/pswd.

So, now my Italian blog and this blog are under Gioietta. I also have a third blog that I share with my bosom buddy about our adventures in trying to read classic novels together (yeah, we want to be smarter than average, ahah!)

Jon's old blog (he has a new one here), I think I am going to keep in and rename it and make it one of those 'all about the family stuff' blogs. I have felt guilty sometimes because i dont' blog much about my boy and hubby and the everyday things i do. to me they are wonderful, yet it isn't what my heart wants to talk about and blog about. that isn't to say i don't love my family. but i wonder if my mom does want do know what her little grandson is doing, and if any of my relatives in italy want to practice reading in english AND see pictures and updates about us and our life in america. i probably won't be updating that all the time, b/c like i said, my heart and mind keep going to abstract yet meaningful topics that i just need to write about and share aobut.

so this was a random post about what is going on w/ the blog. i kept the look as much as i can.
i hope you like visiting my blog. i am learning as i go and having fun for the most part.

btw, anyone reading my ITALIAN BLOG?????

Precious time, precious friends

I was going to say that I have been wasting my precious time today by just reading people's blogs, mostly people I know IRL, and commenting on their posts, or just saying 'hey'.

Thank I stopped and thought: no I am not wasting time. This is time I put on relationships. Although true, it would be infinitely better to sit down and chat with them (and that is what I decided to do, I called one friend after reading her latest post and said "I need to get together and visit with you"), I still get to see glimpse of their hearts or at least, for those who don't write their very heart's secrets like I might sometimes, I get to know what is going on and catch again a partial view of what is affecting their heart, everyday, every ordinary day.

So, IMHO, it wasn't wasted time. It was preciously devoted time for my friends, for relationship building. It is different this 'building' relationships through internet, such a vehicle that sometimes generates much distrust and for very good reason. I guess it is kinda of like living in the world, uh? Much evil and bad, but so surprisingly there is also lots of good too.

Like I said, I rather get together and chat, but please post a comment, drop me a line through email. It means so much, doesn't it? Thank you for all that read my blog and for those who have told me they do (and even enjoy it!phew!)

BTW, anyone else having trouble w/ the word verification thing on blogger when you leave comments. It took me twice as long to read everyone's blog and comment b/c I had to do word verification three times before it will register that I was copying it correctly. blogger-problems, you never know what will hit you next.

Tagged again!

1. I’ve come to realize that my ex-(boyfriend) --- needs my prayers.
2. I am listening to --- the dryer running.
3. I talk --- too much.
4. I love --- holding a mug of hot tea in my hands and sipping it slowly.
5. My best friends --- know who I really am and love me anyways.
6. I lost --- my daughter (but I will find her in Heaven).
7. I hate it when people ---look down on someone because they aren't as righteous as them.
8. Love is --- hard work but pays back tenfold in the end.
9. Marriage is --- hard work too. But also the best of friendships.
10. Somewhere, someone is thinking --- Does anyone care about me at all.
11. I’ll always be --- asking the hard questions.
12. I have a crush on --- my little boy (that is how it sort of felt at the beginning, before he was even born!)
13. The last time I cried was because --- I felt overwhelmed.
14. My cell phone --- doesn't exist.
15. When I wake up in the morning ---I take sometime to get my dreams to scatter off.
16. Before I go to sleep at night --- I try to get things done I couldn't during the day
17. Right now I am thinking about --- the nap I am not having because I am on the computer.
18. Babies are --- wonder and wonderful.
19. I get on MySpace --- hardly ever.
20. Today I --- took a shower, did laundry, gave baby a bath, spent idle time on amazon and got some food ready for tonite.
21. Tonight I will --- go to a theater performance on campus with hubby and maybe get a coffee and spend some alone time with him (so thankful for free babysitting!)
22. Tomorrow I will --- hopefully have had a good night's sleep, maybe do some grocery shopping and go to the library to work on my overdue long-distance course assignment.
23. I really want --- more energy.

I'll go ahead and also tag the same three people, but I might tag some more later!
Sheila, Ellen and Jon

Tagged #1

Well, dh has been tinkering with the computer, I've been sleep deprived, so finally I have caught on the fact that Jen has tagged me!
So here goes the short story with six words:

Miriam talked 'till her head popped.

No, it isn't an autobiography (although you might argue it could be).
And Yes, it was a challenge for me to write only 6 words. ha ha.

I am tagging Sheila, Ellen and Jon (I would have tagged GK but do you have a blog?)

Hellloooo out there! anyone here with me?

So, yes, I have been tinkering with the blog. It is different now under the new 'user-friendly' setting controls of the google blogger. And my tickers for J and G's birthdays can't be put right under the title for everyone to see. Oh well. I love them anyway. I'll put them down at the bottom since it doesn't make sense to have them on the side where you can't see the whole ticker.

How is everyone? January must be the busiest time of the month in some ways. I mean you have all these ideas, these resolutions for the new year, all these good and grand plans of things to do, accomplish, succed with the beginning of a new year! Alas...I find myself completely overwhelmed when I stop and consider all I want to do for today, tomorrow, next week, next month, the rest of the year, the rest of my life!!! help!

And yes, then I realize, what is going on here? Why am I wasting my time worrying about how I am going to get things done? What life is that? Most of the time life, the real stuff, happens not because you planned it and artfully succeded at getting it done. It is going for me to have dreams, even goals, and that I work to reach them. But it is the process that is more important than the goal. If I am not learning anything by living and working towards my dreams than feeling overwhelmed and frustrated, than they are not worth it! If the process is disillusionment and more than what can I expect of the goal? That goes for eating right and exercising! If I loathe and cringe everytime I think of saying no to dessert or working out than I need to stop and make some mental assesment. I want to enjoy life. No matter how hard it gets, I have only one life and I want to live it to the best of my ability.

Yeasterday I was thinking during worship about this. About the fact that I have one life on earth and that is it since I do not believe in reincarnation (thank Heaven NO!). And I came to one conclusion:
I want to live true and be real. I want to be authentic all the time, with myself, with my family, my friends, with strangers, with everyone and with God. I don't want to sit there and try to please everyone or live up to someone else's expectations or standards. I am not here to please anyone but God. And you know what? That is such a liberating feeling! You'd think, yikes...God, He is a tough one to please. He is so 'holy', so stern and so perfect. But no! It is so funny, but HE, the HOLY ONE, the righteous one, is so wonderful to please, for all He wants is your heart and for you to do your best in trusting Him and obeying Him. It isn't easy, no, but His love doesn't depend on a job well done, but on you constantly giving him your heart. The return is so much peace and freedom from all the "have to dos" of the world. I dont' have to be a succesfull person in any shape or form like the world views. I just have to journey with Him. The goal isn't success here, getting everything done while on earth. The goal is just living and loving and letting be, because God is in control and the final destination stays the same!
So my motto, having been one hour at a time has a new meaning: do not worry about what I will get done. Any small thing is a big accomplishment. So what if I haven't cleaned all the house? I vaccumed the floors today! So what if I haven't finished college yet? I am constantly reading and enjoying learning everywhere I go. So what if I don't have my parenting journey all planned out? I am learning so much, maybe more than him, and I enjoy and thank God for every moment spent with him. So what if my dreams don't all come true? It isn't about my dreams but God's, and they might seem bad right now, but I am looking at it sideways and down, I am art in the process and like with all creations they do look kinda messy when they are being worked on.

So what if I don't find my mission in life? So many talk about finding purpose in life (just think of the evangelical blockbuster hit "Purpose Driven Life", not saying it is bad, haven't read it, but it is still just a consumer-product, not life giving breath)...and while I was driving, thinking how in the past I thought I'd never be happy unless I knew what God was doing with me I realized this: That is what faith is! Not knowing! I have to trust God that my purpose is being accomplished now and all the time. I need to trust Him while having no clue whatsoever He is doing. What are you doing? I can ask Him that, and I might get an answer (i.e. clue), but it isn't up to me nor is it important for my life to know what my specific purpose is. I can live a full life without worrying or trying to work out the big plan. Because God is the big plan, and He is the driver. He stops and says : "We are getting out here" and I might interject "Why? I dont' think so? I dont' like this place, take me back!" yet...that is my purpose, to be there. I mightnot like it, but that is life....I am living God's plan. I am part of the plan. My mission is being part of His mission. He leads, I just breathe and take the next step. God, just keep my heart steady and don't leave my hand.

Lord, help me just be and not worry about being.

A river runs through it

Through our driveway, in front of our apartment. It's been raining since Thursday!
Somebody please remind me that I don't have to let it affect my mood (thanks, I reminded myself, sigh). I truly hope that the sun will come shining soon. I have missed him :) Makes me think of all those children songs about sunshine and rain. I know we need the rain. I feel like Teviah in Fiddler on the Roof "But God, will a little sunshine hurt so much?"

Well...at least I have an excuse for cuddling up with a nice cup of tea and read some...when, forgetting of course that I have to finish the dishes and laundry and entertain my beautiful 6.5 month old! More news to come :)

Happy Birthday to the man with the Big Dream

Happy Birthday Dr. King!

I know this man has made an impact in America, but also for me and others around the world. Thanks for being and living the difference :) I hope to also live the dream out loud.

Here is quote of his I gathered from the book I read in Spring '05 for my African American History class:

"Leaders are needed...in every community all over this nation..NOT leaders in love with money, but in love with justice. Not leaders in love with publicity but in love with humanity."

I saw a flier in the store this past week about campaigning for a new U.S. Department. It is a campaign to establish a dept. of PEACE. This is something that I can see myself getting involved in. You can visit their website and find out more at www.thepeacealliance.org

Oh, also, check out the picture on Google today, it's heartwarming :) (I don't know if they will change it throughout the day, but I don't think so)

Finding Sayid and a girl named Gioia

Any LOST fans out there? Jon and I are, however not the kind that stays up or video tapes the episodes. We just go on a fast for almost a year until the last episode comes out in dvd, than we rent them all and watch them in just a few evenings. The culprits of such an act are our friends Tommy and Rachel who bought us the first season over a year ago now. Thank you guys. No, really, that was such a great gift. Jon and I have loved the series. They are really captivating, and usually have great plots and storilines, that get tangled up with storylines.

On New Year's eve I was sick and Jon went out to rent some movies. He came home with the English Patient, which won a lot of oscars when it first came out in the late 90s. I remember watching it sometime in Italy. I remember loving the story of Juliette Binoche and the indian guy, not so much that of the "english patient" and his lover (which was basically a story of adultery). But it has good acting. Well you will never guess, but the Indian guy I was talking abou that has this fling with Juliette Binoche, who plays Hana, a nursue in WWII, is Sayid, the Iraquanian guy from LOST! How cool is that? I just couldn't believe it! IT is funny to look back at a movie you had enjoyed when younger and discover some actor you know now from a more recent series was in that! There was a lot of other things I 'noticed', including the smashing Colin Firth who played Darcy, and other British romantic comedies, playing the unlucky husband.

But one other sweet thing my husband tole me was about the end of the movie. When Hana leaves the English patient to breathe his last and return to her troop waiting for her to go back home (presumambly the US), an Italian lady comes to pick her up at the abandoned villa in Tuscany where she was staying. Her fellow countrymen introduces this lady as "Gioia."
I was sleeping when this scene came and went by, but it sure hit Jon. He had never "heard" the name on the screen, actually not often ever spoken about somebody other than our daughter. And it was spelled the same. Gioia is in fact kind of old fashioned and not many girls have that name in Italy. It isn't 'strange' just not common, sort of like Miriam.

So it was neat. A girl named Gioia, just popped out in the movies. I know it is silly. Isn't it neat thought that something silly like this warms our hearts anyway?

Just thought I'd share!

God IS NOT life: a realization

I apologize before hand for this post for it is kinda angry/hurt. I just need to write how I feel, but it isn't against anyone in particular. For those who know where I come from and what I have and still struggle with spiritually this might make a lot of sense.


I was thinking about how when good things happen to us we say "Isn't God good?" Something that right now makes me mad because the flip side of that is that God is not good when things go wrong, which happens often, and sometimes in tragical ways. I am guilty myself of exclaiming merrily "God is good!" or "Praise God!" when someone gives me a good account on their life, an answered prayer, yes even a miracle. It isn't that it is wrong to do this, we are to give thanks and we can't help it, but I hardly ever hear a "God is good" when someone tragically dies, when we lose a child, a job, when pain and suffering engulf us, or most importantly others. Is God not good then? Of course He is. We know He is always good. All the time. Like people from the pulpit like to have us repeat. But when our hearts are broken it is SO HARD to say it, even if a whisper. You know the song " Blessed be His name?" the poignant verse goes:
He gives and takes away, He gives and takes away, my heart will choose to say, Blessed be His name

I can hardly say those words. Because I have lived that. God gave and took away. And it hurts so much. I cry almost every single time it is sung in worship. I am not saying it is wrong. This is how it should be. I want to want to choose to say these words. My feelings are so mixed though. Let's be honest, do we really want to Bless God when He seems so far away, so uncaring? When the one thing we pleaded for, we had faith in God for, does not happen or worse? Let's be honest... Do we feel His love? No, we don't feel it. But I know that means it is not there.


...I do not want to say "God is good" in the same manner as when good things happen to me, because it can't be the same way when times are good. It would be false. It would be projecting something I am not feeling. There is a time for grief, and lament, and they are perfetcly suibtable for praise and worship to God. Did you know that? That you can go to God and yell at Him? And tell Him you are so mad, why did He let this happen, Why has He abandoned you? Jesus did. And God was good then. And Jesus knew this. Isn't God good? We can shout at Him, hurl insults, and He loves us? I remember a lady coming after to me at worship when I had bared my soul to the assembly and shared how angry I was that God let Gioia died. Why did He give to then take away? Why let there be so much pain? This lady, who wasn't a member, came up and said she hoped I would repent, basically, and realize how wrong I was to be mad at God. How dare I think such things (btw, she did say them nicely, she wasn't mean to me but it hurt very much still). I actually told her I didn't agree. Didn't the prophets call out to God? Didn't Job? Didn't Jesus? ARe you a true Christian only because you always jump for joy, never grieve, everything is okay for you? I am trying to find a way to express my faith even in the context of hard times, even in the context of grief and hurt. Can you?
Can you connect with God even when you are not the picture of joyful glee?

Many times I think what we really are saying when we go out and say "Isn't God good? Look what He has done!" is..."Isn't this event good? It is just what we had hoped for!"...Isn't life good! You can say that...but be careful that you don't EQUATE that with God.

God is NOT life. Neither the good life nor the horrible life. What happens does make us happy or sad, but it is not God. And God can direct the happenings of life, but not always. He is not "Prince of this World" remember? And we are not less faithful because we aknwoldge that there are times that God is good yet we are angry nonetheless.

I think I finally understand what Philip Yancey meant when he wrote about a friend who had something horrible happen to him, telling him that he wasn't mad at God "because I don't see God as life. They are two separete things. I am mad at how the world is. This desease. My disability. The death of my family and friends. But not God. He isn't that."

The opposite goes too. My miracle Jeremiah, that isn't God. My blessings are gifts from God, andI thank Him so much for them, but they are not God. If they go away, or if bad things befall me as before, when life happens, either bad or good or great, I can praise God (not just jumping for joy, but also prostrate on the ground with tears flowing and hurt showing). Either way. Life is not God. Life can be good, but that doesn't make God good. God just is goodness. Apart from experience either happiness or grief.

Prayer for 2007

Here is a prayer for a wonderful 2007, that you will be blessed and most of all be a blessing to all who surround you.

Let your little light shine and reach for those dreams!

A New Year Prayer

Holy Father,
God of our yesterdays, our today, and our tomorrows.
We praise You for Your unequaled greatness.
Thank You for the year behind us and for the year ahead.
Help us in Your new year, Father, to fret less and laugh more.
To teach our children to laugh by laughing with them.
To teach others to love by loving them.
Knowing, when Love came to the stable in Bethlehem, He came for us.
So that Love could be with us, and we could know You.
That we could share Love with others.
Help us, Father, to hear Your love song in every sunrise,
in the chriping of sparrows in our backyards,
in the stories of our old folks, and the fantasies of our children.
Help us to stop and listen to Your love songs,
so that we may know You better and better.
We rejoice in the world You loved into being.
Thank You for another new year and for new chances every day.
We pray for peace, for light, and for hope, that we might spread them to others.
Forgive us for falling short this past year.
We leave the irreparable past in your hands, and step out into the unknown new year knowing You will go with us.
We accept Your gift of a new year and we rejoice in what's ahead, depending on You to help us do exactly what You want..
I say it again, we rejoice!
In Jesus name,
Amen.

New Year's Resolutions

I know. I can't believe I am sharing this. However, I am also going to share something that happened today that makes me feel more confident about telling everyone of my goals and thus making myself vulnerable of being teased if I don't live up to it.

I have three new year resolutions.

1. Read the Bible. Everyday. At least a paragraph. I don't have to understand it or even like it. In fact I plan to journal about it. But I will do it. With the grace of God!

2. Finish my correspondence course on writing children's literature. I am a bit ashamed to admit that I have completed only 3 of 12 assignments in the last...ahum...2 years. I have already paid it in full, but if I give a couple hours a week to work on it I should be done within a year.

3. Lose weight and get into healthy, active habits. I have an even more specific goal which will go unmentioned for now. This, to me, actually seems one of the hardest objectives for I have an emotional eating habit I need to work on and also a bad attitude towards workouts.

But the good news is that today I put a pair of jeans thinking it was one of the newer ones I was given but instead it was my PRE-PREGNANCY jeans!!! Woo-hoo! I am on the way already. I guess getting sick actually paid off. Perfect timing for the holiday season.

Sure, the jeans are not a perfect fit yet, and my hope is that they will actually be too big to wear in a few months, but it is a start.

Another reason to share: I have a lot to do that does not involve being on the computer. In fact, I really need to curb the time I spend 'surfing' the net. Butyou can always reach me at my email, so do not hesitate to contact me. Every comment you leave goes directly to my inbox.
Just a click away :)

All other ground

In Christ the solid rock I stand

All other ground is sinking sand

I have been meaning to post about a movie I saw recently. It's called "Second Chance" and it is a movie about church culture smashing with true faith and Christianity. Michael W. Smith plays one of the main roles, and honest to goodness, he is a pretty swell actor! I have to admit I was sort of skeptical though the plot intrigued me because it is something I believe every Christian, especially American Christians needs to hear.

My favorite part is close to the end, where Smith shares this old hymn "On Christ the solid Rock" and realizes that he had been wrong all the time in regards to what it meant to be a christian:

I wanted to serve Him as long as I could stay
comfortable, stay where it was safe.

Comfort is sinking sand.

Safety is sinking
sand.

I know I can say 'amen' to that. I also had this vision of a life of faith here on earth that was ease and painfree (especially emotionally), a vision that serving him would never cause me any pain or discomfort. Holding onto that notion, living as if that was what Christ was about, I found myself sinking through what I thought was unsinkabled. It's by God's grace that I was pulled out on to the rock. And the rock is not comfortable, let me tell you, nor is it in a safe place by any of our standards.

But it is solid, it is real and it is life.

So, if you have chance, watch the movie. It isn't cheasy or corny, so you shouldn't be dissapointed!

Merry Christmas!

Love to everyone! Enjoy the rest of the year!

The Christmas Cold

Well, Amy March said "It doesn't feel like Christmas without presents." Well, guess what Amy, that is fine for me. But it sure doesn't feel like Christmas when you can't smell your own chicken soup boiling or when you hear yourself speak like some kind cartoon character speaking from a glass globe around his head. That is what my week before Christmas has been like.

But I am glad it is Christmas. Because even if I don't get to see my family and visiting relatives because I am in quarantine, I still know they are out there, enjoying all kinds of delicious food and pies that I can not have (because it hurts the immune system like the lady at the health food store told me) and even if I could most of my taste buds have gone on vacation as well. So I guess this is good, I am getting a good start on my new year's resolution to lose weight. Without even a pill my appetite has been curbed to 45%.

My poor little boy is also sick, only that he still manages to be just as active and energetic as ever. I guess I got the cold, he has the ear ache infection. So you should see our table full of our Christmas presents from our loved ones: oranges for vitamin c, shacklees multivatimins and more vitamin c, emergen-c (yes, we believe in this vitamin), echinacea, echinacea tea, cough suppressants, congestion medicine, sudafed that I no longer take b/c it isn't working, and last but not least, garlic extract, to put directly on the toungue. Jon is also feasting on all these supplements, although he is now on to blowing his nose too. I am afraid he wasn't spared the cold.

But I didn't want this to be a negative outlook on my present day before Christmas. One good thing: I am getting to spend time with the two guys I love the most: my hubby and my baby. Together we are taking medicine, trying to sleep and get plenty of rest, watching movies, talking through clogged nasal passages, and most of all, thanking God for each other and for His love. Because that is what matters at Christmas: the ones we love (you too, my friendly readers) and the One who loves the most.

Thankful for Christmas and what it means to us.
May yours be blessed with love and grace and hopefully without a cold. :)

Teething, crawling and busting his lip!

J-man is starting to pseudo-crawl! He pushes himself across the floor at a pretty good speed, pushing on those strong legs and with his elbows, and obviously getting himself places I rather not want him to be. Sigh. It is beginning to look like Christmas for him! And for me, it is time to get the discipline thing going. "No Jeremiah, you can't have that/touch that/get into that/play wiht that." That's the easy part. The hard part is consistently showing him you are serious and keeping a watchful eye on what he does next! Testing his boundaries already!

But I did feel like a bad mama the other day when I was not watching and he quickly got from the carpet to the kitchen's hard floor and, having this need to gnaw on everything like a little puppy because of his teething (no teeth yet, but his gums are sure bothering him!),

BHAM! He slammed his face into the floor as if it were mush cereal. Immedietly he started screaming and giving this loud cry of pain. My heart just broke. How could I have not been more careful. I go there and think "Sounds like it's really bad" and sure enough his upper lip was bleeding. He buried himself in my arms and got blood on my shirt! I gave him a wet rag with an ice-cube in it and let him suck on it. He was so distraught that he fell asleep while I rocked to comfort him.

As you see, his new crawling place is our coffee table. Paper and books are great chewing toys for him!

Birthdays in Heaven

Last week I got in the mail a sweet invitation to a friend's child's birthday.

It was a beautiful pink handmade card with a "Hello Kitty" motif.

Hope, my friend's little girl, would be turning two. This was her estimated due date, for she was born too soon here on earth and went straight to Heaven.

I had heard that recently a radio talk show hostess while airing made a derogatory comment regarding people who take pictures of their 'dead' babies once they were stillborn and how morbid that was. She was talking about me. And about other families I know. I do not think many people agree with her but I know this comment hurt a lot of families who have lost a child.

I love my friend for making a little invitation for her little girl, even though it isn't much for her as it is for my friend. Yes, it is a little crazy for some, a childish 'make believe', perhaps some would argue it is not a good thing, it won't help us 'move along' or maybe it is a sign of psychosis, who knows. I want to disagree. I think it is a very healthy sign, of a mother who loves and misses a child she never got to hold and she is using God's given gift of creativity and showing courage and strenght to do something for love in the only way she knows how.

We would want to brush our child's hair, help her get dressed in the morning, teach her "Jesus loves me," help her cross the street, read her little books, take her to the park...so many activites that we as parents often take for granted. But when your child dies all of the sudden you miss these things. Even if you never did them before, like when I lost my first child.

And inthe same way you miss giving a birthday party.

For Gioia's first birthday I held a baloon release. I got a big container to inflate the baloons and bought pink and yellow baloons, my colors for Gioia. I also made pink and yellow cupcakes and decorated them with little butterflies. I got a number 1 candle to put in one of the cupcakes for Gioia to "blow out." I invited close friends and family, those who have been close to us and who love Gioia too although they never got to 'see' her perhaps. We went to the place where she is buried and at her marker we sang together some special songs and a lullabye and then lit up the candle for the wind to blow out. We then wrote messages on the baloons for Gioia and sent them up to Heaven. While we watched them 'dissapear' in the sky we ate our cupcakes and had pink lemonade. It was a good time. And it did my heart a lot of good too.

Not everyone who has lost a child will feel the need to express her love this way. We are all different and our personalities are different, therefore we should not assume everyone will grieve the same way. It also doesn't mean that some might love the children they loss more than others. Everyone has a certain degree of comfort with their experience of loss, just like my husband sometimes has a different way to express his feelings than I do.

So, do they celebrate birthdays in Heaven? I remember always wondering when was Gioia's birhday. She was born still on Sept. 4th, but she actually died around August 28th sometime. So is it then that she was born, albeit into Heaven? These questions can make it hard for someone who has lost a child to stillbirht or miscarriage. You wonder if you even had a child, if it was legit, if you are a mother. I have chosen to say yes. Yes, I did have a child. I am a mother, even if my second loss was only a few days past conception.

So, dear Hope. Happy Birthday! I wonder if you will have a birthday party in Heaven? Or is it that really, every day, is a true celebration for you because you are home with Jesus, happily waiting for your family to join you there?

Celebrating Hope, and life and death in Christ, knowing that there is peace and fulfillment awaiting for us there!

P.S. My friend also sent party favors in the mail! cute little pink favors for little girls. I brought them to Gioia's marker to show them to her. She likes hello kitty too, I am sure, just like every little girl:)

Forgive the Silence

First forgive the silence

That answers prayer,
Then forgive the prayer
That stains the silence.

Excuse the absence
That feels like presence,

Then excuse the feeling
That insists on presence.

Pardon the delay
Of revelation,
Then ask pardon for revealing
Your impatience.

Forgive God
For being only a word,
Then ask God to forgive
The betrayal of language.

Mark Jarman, from the "Five Psalms" in "To the Green Man"

I found this poem in the book on Prayer by Philip Yancey.
Here is an excerpt that really spoke to me about God's silence.

Religious radio and television, as well as certain books and magazines, say little of God's silence. By their accounts God seems to speak volubly, commanding this minister to build a new sanctuary and that housewife to launch a new Web-based company. God represents success, good feelings, a sense of peace, a warm glow. To an audience regaled by such inspiring stories, an encounter with the silence of God hits like a shocking exception and stirs up feelings of inadequacy. The exception, in fact, is the cheery optimism of modern consumer-oriented faith. For centuries Christians learned what to expect on their spiritual journey from the bumbling pilgrim in Pilgrim's Progress, from John of the Cross' Dark Night of the Soul, from Thomas à Kempis's challenging Imitation of Christ. The one mentor who wrote most openly about the presence of God, Brother Lawrence, composed his thoughts while washing dishes and cleaning toilets.

HELP SAVE OUR BLOGS!

I am campaigning on behalf of my hubby's blog. And mine too in some ways. Our switch to beta blogger was a misfit. I already explained what happened and why. I have written a 'post' on Google's group "Blogger Help." No one has replied. :(

So...if you know how we can sucessfully transfer Jon's blog to a new user account/profile, and therefore change the current profile for just me, please let us know! I don't want him to have to delete his entire blog. That just makes me sad. And I am upset that no one has replied to my post and I have no idea how to contact the blogger reps (I have looked all over for their e-mail, and there is no FAQ that adresses this issue).

If you can help we appreciate it so much! We are counting on our faithful readers :)

Giving Thanks

I know it is late, Thanksgiving was last week, but I must say Thanks.

Thank you God for answering our most wrestled-with-you prayer, for blessing us with Jeremiah...thank you does not even convey how I feel.

Thank you for my friends, for my family, for those who love me...but Lord, help me to learn to bless also those who do not love me, or who I do not like, who I find myself indifferent to or from whom I feel being the recepient of such indifference or uncaring attitude, for my enemies and the enemies of my friends.

Lord I pray for my spiritual family, for your body, your church, your bride, for those who are hurting and being persecuted. Lord, help, help us all. Bless us all.

Lord, I pray for all those who are hurting because at times Thanksgiving and Christmas can hurt...because people we love are not here with us anymore, or never have been. I am praying for all of your children who need you and have a hard time saying thank you because they are hurting so deeply.

A thankful heart is a happy heart...please teach me that to be thankful, I only need Jesus and his Grace. And that I have always. I am thankful, becauase I am full of your Grace and Love.