Prayer for 2007

Here is a prayer for a wonderful 2007, that you will be blessed and most of all be a blessing to all who surround you.

Let your little light shine and reach for those dreams!

A New Year Prayer

Holy Father,
God of our yesterdays, our today, and our tomorrows.
We praise You for Your unequaled greatness.
Thank You for the year behind us and for the year ahead.
Help us in Your new year, Father, to fret less and laugh more.
To teach our children to laugh by laughing with them.
To teach others to love by loving them.
Knowing, when Love came to the stable in Bethlehem, He came for us.
So that Love could be with us, and we could know You.
That we could share Love with others.
Help us, Father, to hear Your love song in every sunrise,
in the chriping of sparrows in our backyards,
in the stories of our old folks, and the fantasies of our children.
Help us to stop and listen to Your love songs,
so that we may know You better and better.
We rejoice in the world You loved into being.
Thank You for another new year and for new chances every day.
We pray for peace, for light, and for hope, that we might spread them to others.
Forgive us for falling short this past year.
We leave the irreparable past in your hands, and step out into the unknown new year knowing You will go with us.
We accept Your gift of a new year and we rejoice in what's ahead, depending on You to help us do exactly what You want..
I say it again, we rejoice!
In Jesus name,
Amen.

New Year's Resolutions

I know. I can't believe I am sharing this. However, I am also going to share something that happened today that makes me feel more confident about telling everyone of my goals and thus making myself vulnerable of being teased if I don't live up to it.

I have three new year resolutions.

1. Read the Bible. Everyday. At least a paragraph. I don't have to understand it or even like it. In fact I plan to journal about it. But I will do it. With the grace of God!

2. Finish my correspondence course on writing children's literature. I am a bit ashamed to admit that I have completed only 3 of 12 assignments in the last...ahum...2 years. I have already paid it in full, but if I give a couple hours a week to work on it I should be done within a year.

3. Lose weight and get into healthy, active habits. I have an even more specific goal which will go unmentioned for now. This, to me, actually seems one of the hardest objectives for I have an emotional eating habit I need to work on and also a bad attitude towards workouts.

But the good news is that today I put a pair of jeans thinking it was one of the newer ones I was given but instead it was my PRE-PREGNANCY jeans!!! Woo-hoo! I am on the way already. I guess getting sick actually paid off. Perfect timing for the holiday season.

Sure, the jeans are not a perfect fit yet, and my hope is that they will actually be too big to wear in a few months, but it is a start.

Another reason to share: I have a lot to do that does not involve being on the computer. In fact, I really need to curb the time I spend 'surfing' the net. Butyou can always reach me at my email, so do not hesitate to contact me. Every comment you leave goes directly to my inbox.
Just a click away :)

All other ground

In Christ the solid rock I stand

All other ground is sinking sand

I have been meaning to post about a movie I saw recently. It's called "Second Chance" and it is a movie about church culture smashing with true faith and Christianity. Michael W. Smith plays one of the main roles, and honest to goodness, he is a pretty swell actor! I have to admit I was sort of skeptical though the plot intrigued me because it is something I believe every Christian, especially American Christians needs to hear.

My favorite part is close to the end, where Smith shares this old hymn "On Christ the solid Rock" and realizes that he had been wrong all the time in regards to what it meant to be a christian:

I wanted to serve Him as long as I could stay
comfortable, stay where it was safe.

Comfort is sinking sand.

Safety is sinking
sand.

I know I can say 'amen' to that. I also had this vision of a life of faith here on earth that was ease and painfree (especially emotionally), a vision that serving him would never cause me any pain or discomfort. Holding onto that notion, living as if that was what Christ was about, I found myself sinking through what I thought was unsinkabled. It's by God's grace that I was pulled out on to the rock. And the rock is not comfortable, let me tell you, nor is it in a safe place by any of our standards.

But it is solid, it is real and it is life.

So, if you have chance, watch the movie. It isn't cheasy or corny, so you shouldn't be dissapointed!

Merry Christmas!

Love to everyone! Enjoy the rest of the year!

The Christmas Cold

Well, Amy March said "It doesn't feel like Christmas without presents." Well, guess what Amy, that is fine for me. But it sure doesn't feel like Christmas when you can't smell your own chicken soup boiling or when you hear yourself speak like some kind cartoon character speaking from a glass globe around his head. That is what my week before Christmas has been like.

But I am glad it is Christmas. Because even if I don't get to see my family and visiting relatives because I am in quarantine, I still know they are out there, enjoying all kinds of delicious food and pies that I can not have (because it hurts the immune system like the lady at the health food store told me) and even if I could most of my taste buds have gone on vacation as well. So I guess this is good, I am getting a good start on my new year's resolution to lose weight. Without even a pill my appetite has been curbed to 45%.

My poor little boy is also sick, only that he still manages to be just as active and energetic as ever. I guess I got the cold, he has the ear ache infection. So you should see our table full of our Christmas presents from our loved ones: oranges for vitamin c, shacklees multivatimins and more vitamin c, emergen-c (yes, we believe in this vitamin), echinacea, echinacea tea, cough suppressants, congestion medicine, sudafed that I no longer take b/c it isn't working, and last but not least, garlic extract, to put directly on the toungue. Jon is also feasting on all these supplements, although he is now on to blowing his nose too. I am afraid he wasn't spared the cold.

But I didn't want this to be a negative outlook on my present day before Christmas. One good thing: I am getting to spend time with the two guys I love the most: my hubby and my baby. Together we are taking medicine, trying to sleep and get plenty of rest, watching movies, talking through clogged nasal passages, and most of all, thanking God for each other and for His love. Because that is what matters at Christmas: the ones we love (you too, my friendly readers) and the One who loves the most.

Thankful for Christmas and what it means to us.
May yours be blessed with love and grace and hopefully without a cold. :)

Teething, crawling and busting his lip!

J-man is starting to pseudo-crawl! He pushes himself across the floor at a pretty good speed, pushing on those strong legs and with his elbows, and obviously getting himself places I rather not want him to be. Sigh. It is beginning to look like Christmas for him! And for me, it is time to get the discipline thing going. "No Jeremiah, you can't have that/touch that/get into that/play wiht that." That's the easy part. The hard part is consistently showing him you are serious and keeping a watchful eye on what he does next! Testing his boundaries already!

But I did feel like a bad mama the other day when I was not watching and he quickly got from the carpet to the kitchen's hard floor and, having this need to gnaw on everything like a little puppy because of his teething (no teeth yet, but his gums are sure bothering him!),

BHAM! He slammed his face into the floor as if it were mush cereal. Immedietly he started screaming and giving this loud cry of pain. My heart just broke. How could I have not been more careful. I go there and think "Sounds like it's really bad" and sure enough his upper lip was bleeding. He buried himself in my arms and got blood on my shirt! I gave him a wet rag with an ice-cube in it and let him suck on it. He was so distraught that he fell asleep while I rocked to comfort him.

As you see, his new crawling place is our coffee table. Paper and books are great chewing toys for him!

Birthdays in Heaven

Last week I got in the mail a sweet invitation to a friend's child's birthday.

It was a beautiful pink handmade card with a "Hello Kitty" motif.

Hope, my friend's little girl, would be turning two. This was her estimated due date, for she was born too soon here on earth and went straight to Heaven.

I had heard that recently a radio talk show hostess while airing made a derogatory comment regarding people who take pictures of their 'dead' babies once they were stillborn and how morbid that was. She was talking about me. And about other families I know. I do not think many people agree with her but I know this comment hurt a lot of families who have lost a child.

I love my friend for making a little invitation for her little girl, even though it isn't much for her as it is for my friend. Yes, it is a little crazy for some, a childish 'make believe', perhaps some would argue it is not a good thing, it won't help us 'move along' or maybe it is a sign of psychosis, who knows. I want to disagree. I think it is a very healthy sign, of a mother who loves and misses a child she never got to hold and she is using God's given gift of creativity and showing courage and strenght to do something for love in the only way she knows how.

We would want to brush our child's hair, help her get dressed in the morning, teach her "Jesus loves me," help her cross the street, read her little books, take her to the park...so many activites that we as parents often take for granted. But when your child dies all of the sudden you miss these things. Even if you never did them before, like when I lost my first child.

And inthe same way you miss giving a birthday party.

For Gioia's first birthday I held a baloon release. I got a big container to inflate the baloons and bought pink and yellow baloons, my colors for Gioia. I also made pink and yellow cupcakes and decorated them with little butterflies. I got a number 1 candle to put in one of the cupcakes for Gioia to "blow out." I invited close friends and family, those who have been close to us and who love Gioia too although they never got to 'see' her perhaps. We went to the place where she is buried and at her marker we sang together some special songs and a lullabye and then lit up the candle for the wind to blow out. We then wrote messages on the baloons for Gioia and sent them up to Heaven. While we watched them 'dissapear' in the sky we ate our cupcakes and had pink lemonade. It was a good time. And it did my heart a lot of good too.

Not everyone who has lost a child will feel the need to express her love this way. We are all different and our personalities are different, therefore we should not assume everyone will grieve the same way. It also doesn't mean that some might love the children they loss more than others. Everyone has a certain degree of comfort with their experience of loss, just like my husband sometimes has a different way to express his feelings than I do.

So, do they celebrate birthdays in Heaven? I remember always wondering when was Gioia's birhday. She was born still on Sept. 4th, but she actually died around August 28th sometime. So is it then that she was born, albeit into Heaven? These questions can make it hard for someone who has lost a child to stillbirht or miscarriage. You wonder if you even had a child, if it was legit, if you are a mother. I have chosen to say yes. Yes, I did have a child. I am a mother, even if my second loss was only a few days past conception.

So, dear Hope. Happy Birthday! I wonder if you will have a birthday party in Heaven? Or is it that really, every day, is a true celebration for you because you are home with Jesus, happily waiting for your family to join you there?

Celebrating Hope, and life and death in Christ, knowing that there is peace and fulfillment awaiting for us there!

P.S. My friend also sent party favors in the mail! cute little pink favors for little girls. I brought them to Gioia's marker to show them to her. She likes hello kitty too, I am sure, just like every little girl:)

Forgive the Silence

First forgive the silence

That answers prayer,
Then forgive the prayer
That stains the silence.

Excuse the absence
That feels like presence,

Then excuse the feeling
That insists on presence.

Pardon the delay
Of revelation,
Then ask pardon for revealing
Your impatience.

Forgive God
For being only a word,
Then ask God to forgive
The betrayal of language.

Mark Jarman, from the "Five Psalms" in "To the Green Man"

I found this poem in the book on Prayer by Philip Yancey.
Here is an excerpt that really spoke to me about God's silence.

Religious radio and television, as well as certain books and magazines, say little of God's silence. By their accounts God seems to speak volubly, commanding this minister to build a new sanctuary and that housewife to launch a new Web-based company. God represents success, good feelings, a sense of peace, a warm glow. To an audience regaled by such inspiring stories, an encounter with the silence of God hits like a shocking exception and stirs up feelings of inadequacy. The exception, in fact, is the cheery optimism of modern consumer-oriented faith. For centuries Christians learned what to expect on their spiritual journey from the bumbling pilgrim in Pilgrim's Progress, from John of the Cross' Dark Night of the Soul, from Thomas à Kempis's challenging Imitation of Christ. The one mentor who wrote most openly about the presence of God, Brother Lawrence, composed his thoughts while washing dishes and cleaning toilets.

HELP SAVE OUR BLOGS!

I am campaigning on behalf of my hubby's blog. And mine too in some ways. Our switch to beta blogger was a misfit. I already explained what happened and why. I have written a 'post' on Google's group "Blogger Help." No one has replied. :(

So...if you know how we can sucessfully transfer Jon's blog to a new user account/profile, and therefore change the current profile for just me, please let us know! I don't want him to have to delete his entire blog. That just makes me sad. And I am upset that no one has replied to my post and I have no idea how to contact the blogger reps (I have looked all over for their e-mail, and there is no FAQ that adresses this issue).

If you can help we appreciate it so much! We are counting on our faithful readers :)

Giving Thanks

I know it is late, Thanksgiving was last week, but I must say Thanks.

Thank you God for answering our most wrestled-with-you prayer, for blessing us with Jeremiah...thank you does not even convey how I feel.

Thank you for my friends, for my family, for those who love me...but Lord, help me to learn to bless also those who do not love me, or who I do not like, who I find myself indifferent to or from whom I feel being the recepient of such indifference or uncaring attitude, for my enemies and the enemies of my friends.

Lord I pray for my spiritual family, for your body, your church, your bride, for those who are hurting and being persecuted. Lord, help, help us all. Bless us all.

Lord, I pray for all those who are hurting because at times Thanksgiving and Christmas can hurt...because people we love are not here with us anymore, or never have been. I am praying for all of your children who need you and have a hard time saying thank you because they are hurting so deeply.

A thankful heart is a happy heart...please teach me that to be thankful, I only need Jesus and his Grace. And that I have always. I am thankful, becauase I am full of your Grace and Love.

What happened to my profile and a funny joke/story

I have learned now that if you are not dissatisfied with something, than DON'T CHANGE IT! Or at least, wait a while and THINK about it for some time.

My profile is gone because I didn't really think what was going to happen when I "switched" to the beta blogger they are advertising using our gmail account that my husband had ALREADY used to switch his blog into beta. Therefore, he has 3 blogs under his name. His, mine and my Italian one. That is why my blogs are under his profile. I lost my profile. sigh. :-(

I am not sure what I am going to do right now. We are going to see if there is some way we can 'undo' what we did, saving my blogs yet giving me my own profile back. So sorry guys. Now you know the truth: we are not blogging gurus yet.

So, unto the funny joke our preacher shared last Sunday prior to his message. It is about Lawns and the Suburbunite tribe of the USA. I really enjoyed it...because it is so true!

"Winterize your lawn," the big sign outside the garden store commanded.
I've fed it, watered it, mowed it, raked it and watched a lot of it die anyway.
Now I'm supposed to winterize it? I hope it's too late. Grass lawns have to be
the stupidest thing we've come up with outside of thong swimsuits! We constantly
battle dandelions, Queen Anne's lace, thistle, violets, chicory and clover that
thrive naturally, so we can grow grass that must be nursed through an annual
four-step chemical dependency.

Imagine the conversation The Creator might have with St. Francis about
this:
"Frank you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on
down there in the Midwest? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and
stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those
plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon.
The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracted butterflies, honey bees and
flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I
see are these green rectangles."
"It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started
calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great extent to kill them and replace
them with grass."
"Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract
butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with
temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing
there?"
"Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green.
They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that
crops up in the lawn."
"The spring rains and cool weather probably make grass grow really fast.
That must make the Suburbanites happy."
"Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it -
sometimes twice a week."
"They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?"
"Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags."
"They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?"
"No, sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away."
"Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And
when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?"
"Yes, sir."
"These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the
rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of
work."
"You aren't going believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast,
they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow
it and pay to get rid of it."
"What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer
stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to
provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground
and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees
and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's
a natural circle of life."
"You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As
soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and have them hauled
away."
"No! What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and
keep the soil moist and loose?"
"After throwing away your leaves, they go out and buy something they call
mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves."
"And where do they get this mulch?"
"They cut down trees and grind them up."
"Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. Saint Catherine, you're
in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?"
"Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about..."
"Never mind I think I just heard the whole story."

Good Clean Funnies List

The Evolution of the piano

Last week my dh (dear hubby), after reading my complaints of not getting much "live music," took me out to a piano program at HU, where a grand piano as well as his ancestors, a clavichord, harpsichord and fortepiano, were displayed to view on stage. I even got to touch a clavichord! Not many of those around except in museums. I thought it was nice that the technician and the pianist, Dr. Anderson, invited all the audience to come and check these instruments and even play them some. Dr. Andrea Anderson not only spoke about the different pianos and how the instrument came about and evolved through time, but played each one by choosing composers that had writtend music specifically for that very type of instrument or during the time in which it was in use. Above is an example of a flemish harpsichord I found on the web.

From the program's notes I found this excerpt on Mozart very interesting (J-man is watching Baby Mozart right now. I hope he will learn to play and understand music as he grows!)

Mozart, according to his sister Nannarel, never practiced scales and technical
studies. She wrote: "From his childhood on he liked playing the best at night.
When he sat down to the Klavier at 9 in the evening, one could not take him away
before midnight, and even then only by force, or he would have improvised the
whole night...I have no knowledge of his practicing the Klavier after he was
seven years of age, for he always had to improvise, to play at sight, and to
play concerts in front of people, and that was his whole exercicium."

Cousin's talents

After discussing live music and the talents of my cousins' Seth and Jeremy I think that I should point out some of my girl cousins' talents as well:

Becca published her very own book, "The Chains," when she was just 11 years old!

Whereas Kenna crocheted (spell?) this beautiful little tote bag pictured above.

Most of all they are the sweetest girls. I love hanging out with them!

"Silly" discipline

Who would have thought that my little 4 and a half month boy would be LAUGHING at his mamma when I try to discipline him?!?! I know he is really small, and can not understand when he does something wrong, and I don't want you to think that I pull out my belt or a twitch and spank him (and if I did those diapers wouldn't make a difference they are so cushy.)
Jeremiah has started to pinch me, of course unknowingly, however it REALLY hurts, a couple of times it has made me cry out in pain! This boy is very strong. He is going to outgrow me fast I am afraid. He has also started to cry out in anger, as in throwing a temper. He has a strong will as well. Jon has started to flick him on his mouth when he does it saying "NO" very firmly. And of course, he has told me to do this as well in order to teach him not to.
But I was astonished to find out that not only was there no real pain reaction when I either pinched him back or flicked him on the mouth. HE OUTRIGHT LAUGHED AT ME!! you know, those cute shrills a little baby makes when he is tickled!! The first time I did that, Jon heard him and asked me "Didn't you just tell him no and pinched him back?" I said "yes!" We really had to hold ourselves back trying not to laugh outloud. I guess I am tickling him instead of hurting him. It usually works better when I say no and flick him after he has yelled out in frustration with me. It makes him more angry, but at least he doesn't laugh as though it was a big joke. Oh, well.

The truth is that this discipline thing is hard. Being a parent requires you to be tough and consistant. Like my friend reminded me, to discipline is to be disciplined. And I have a lot to practice, being not a very disciplined person to begin with. I appreciate your prayers. We parents aren't all-powerful, and we need a lot of support, love and prayers, as do our children. We depend on our family and our larger, Christian family to help us through this stage in life. Everyone has something to contribute, if nothing else letting us know they care and that we aren't failing as parents and that they love us and our children.
Thanks to all of you, for your love and prayers. I know so many of you have prayed for this baby to join our family and I am so grateful that our prayers have been answered yes with our precious Jeremiah. He is a blessing, and as most blessings happen to be, he is challening us and helping us become better parents and better children of God.

Live Music

Last night Jon and I went to a staff dinner and as entertainment they had a couple of professors play their guitars and entertain us with western music and comedian charm. I really enjoyed it and was glad I went, even just to hear some live music being played by people who truly enjoy music for music's sake. I wish there was more music going around. In our fast-paced entertainment world it is all about downloads, ipods, radio, videos, youtube, and so on. There is no more just plain and simple community music, played on the streets, on someone's front porch, inside the home after dinner, at the community envent center. It isn't as much a thing to enjoy together. Sometimes it is only another buzz noise or distraction to add to the millions we have in this modern world.

I did not grow up with live music because my parents aren't that talented in that area, although they LOVE all kinds of music (for which I am thankful) and we didn't have money for music lessons (the schools in Italy didn't either.) So here I am wanting to soak in music, but guess what? The cheapest tickets are 50 bucks! I remember talking with some friends and them telling me that their father checked in some tickets for a Josh Grobin concert...something like 400$ a piece? and that for just a regular seat??? What?? Why is it so expensive?

Well...I comfort myself knowing I can always go hear the beautiful music my talented cousins make. If they remind me where they are going to play. This is a recent picture of them and their band, Arno, playing at a rock jym for the one year anniversary of the opening. They are very talented, they have a female fiddler player who is great as well. I love listening to them!

I just wish there was more opportunities to make music all together (although I know my voice isn't that great, but still just for fun I wouldn't mind pitching in!)

I love books!

I really do. I could never have too many. What else would you bring to that desert island? I mean, you have to do something with all that free time, uh? The idea of a day spent reading a real good novel has never sound too boring for me. It is the way I wind down. When asked about my favorite books I never know where to start. I keep thinking of ones I liked that I want to add to my list of "favorites" here on my profile.
Here are the books I am reading now:

1. A room with a view by E.M. Forster

2. Prayer-does it make a difference by Philip Yancey

3. The Myth of Certainty by Daniel Taylor (this I just started. The style is more academic so it takes some time to get into it)

(The last two I am going have to renew if I want to finish them!)

National Adoption Awareness Month

This past Saturday I went to the County's Adoption Picnic, sponsored by the Children's Homes in the area. There I was able to observe the children having some time of fun and games, children seeking a home. Jon and I are hoping, Lord willing, to adopt a child in the future. One of my relatives is also doing foster parenting and I have come to love their little foster child and I know they pray for all of them and love them unconditionally, giving out their hearts even knowing they might be broken time and time again. In this state there are 450 children waiting to be adopted. Anyways, at the picnic they had this houndout whith this quote I wanted to share:

There are no unwanted children, only unfound families.

Praying for all the children of the world. May God use His people to spread His love to them, however we come in contact with them.

Pornography

Last night I attended a women's devotional. I was convicted by the message of one of the girls who spoke of the struggle that every young (and older) man deals with: pornography. Someone even told her that if some guy said that he did not struggle with it he was very likely lying. It is really sad and I felt heavy in my heart for my husband and all the other men out there. What a (not meaningful)sex-saturated world we live in.
I know that for me it is extremly hard to understand the pull that pornography has on men. I know they have a higher sex drive, or better, they are drawn to it more easily/quickly because it comes through the 'eyes', through seeing/looking at/imagining the naked body.
(LADIES, we have a wonderful gift, the gift of being pleasing, but DO NOT BE FOOLED, men are much more pleased by a woman who RESPECTS them enough to not show her body off. We have a responsability, just like we want men to respect us enough and not look at us like pieces of meat, just some pretty thing to look at and touch, than we MUST not DRESS nor ACT like we are such).
Although it might be hard for most of us girls to understand this sin, God opened my eyes recently to some of my own sins (which are so easy to dismiss, for some reason our own struggles always seem 'less' than others). I remember confessing to my husband with an embarassed smiled that I had finished the entire cake in one sitting. Ugh, I felt (and still do) so disgusted with myeslf. You see, I have an eating struggle. I am sometimes controled by my sinful nature that lusts for sweets. Especially chocolate. Many times it is triggered by emotions, such as boredom, moodiness, anger, depression, etc. My husband at first did not understand why I gave in so easily, because he does not struggle like I do with food. Than it hit me! I told him that for me OVEREATING SWEETS was like men's struggle with pornography.
My eyes were open to what he deals with by realizing how easily I fall in the temptation of overeating. I think things such as "it is just this time, I wont eat much longer (and I always do), it isn't that big of a deal"...very similar thoughts that Satan entices men to agree with when tempting them through pornography.
But I had to pray to God last night to give me a greater understanding and to convict me in spirit that this struggle with pornography, just as my own sins and struggles, were a BIG DEAL. It is much easier and nicer to forget about it, because I want to fix it and I know that I am powerless to "undo" with the switch of a wand the lure of pornography and gluttony. But I must realize that I must aknowledge them and accordingly struggle against them, fight them as a soldier of God's army, because my marriage, my husband, my son, the men in my life are important and worhty and that pornography is destroying their spirits. They do not like it one bit. It is never 'nice' or 'fun' to be controlled by something, like sex or food. Things intended for good are distorted by our self-centered need to be immedietly appeased. For why do I always eat chocolate if not to get immedieate gratification? Instead of turning to God and trusting Him to fulfill me in the way I need, I immedietly run to the pantry, the coffeeshop, in hopes to be 'restored' by peanut butter and a mocha. Although I immedietly get the gratification I seek and feel good, it tastes bitter and rotten in the end. Doesn't it? It always goes that way. We are immedietly gratificated but it leaves us very soon even more empty and sadden than before. I am not good at being patient, waiting for God to fulfill me. I want Him to talk to me immedietly, in audible voice. But if I did, would I take what He says and be content, or would I think choclate is better? Because who am I living for? For my lusts, for food, or ...? Will I give God a chance and live for Him? I want to Lord. Help me. Help us all. For we are powerless, but you have the Power to make us whole and save us from ourselves. Amen.

Question about Faith and God's Faithfulness

Here is what happened last week. I was on campus when I left the Bible building with Jeremiah to head back home and a woman in the hall stopped me to check him out (he is a cute baby, so I get stopped a lot:) The lady asked me how old he was and went on to tell me she had a 15 month old. She than, sort of out of the blue, told me how she had been diagnosed with cancer and that the Drs had given her just 6 months to live but now it had been much longer than that and she felt great. Of course, out of happiness for her I rejoiced by saying "Praise God" and she answered:
"Yes, I have faith, lot of faith, and lots of prayers."

My chin dropped. It was like a knife cut straight through my heart.
You see, I prayed too, many people prayed, we had faith, I had faith, a lot of faith as well. However....my daughter wasn't healed. She died, in the womb, at 24 weeks gestation.
We had faith, we had lots of prayers...just like this woman, but I did not have the outcome she had. But when I hear her and many, many others like her recount their own stories or stories of others, it would seem like THAT is what made the difference, what brought on the healing, or the positive answer to a request, a blessing one was hoping for. That it is FAITH and PRAYERS OF FAITH performed by people that gives the positive outcome. Why not for us?

Here is another hard question to ponder. A woman from my Hannah's Prayer support group wrote about this. She was wondering what to think about God and His faithfulness in the light that she might not ever carry a child to term. She said "I know that for those who do indeed become pregnant and who carry a child to term, or for those who are able to adopt and become parents that way, God is faithful to them. But how is God faithful to those who do not ever have any children?

This is a real issue for me and others like me who are struggling spiritually and in church. We hear other Christians use these pharses all the time "God is faithful because he answered (yes) my prayers and now I have_____(fill in the blank)." It isn't that I don't rejoice with them. As you saw before, I immedietly rejoiced and praised God for this woman's healing. I was genuinly happy for her and thankful to God for her healing. But when she added that last statement, I was hurt. Possibly because the way it sounds is that it was HER FAITH and the FAITH OF OTHERS that made the healing possible. Of course we know it was God. But God sometimes says no. Is faith that which determines the outcome? What about Job?
And is God faithful only when we receive, even after years and years of prayers and suffering, the ultimate thing we had prayed for? And is He no longer faithful when He doesn't?
I know we know the answer, but when we speak what do our words say, what do others hear? There is nothing WRONG in thanking God for the good things in life, in praising him and thanking Him for healing, for the blessing of a child, for a prayer answered YES. We did that just not too long ago with Jeremiah! And I will thank Him again! Praise you God! It would be sin not to thank Him. He is the one who made it possible, but when we say things like "You see, I told you God is Faithful" it links the positive (to us) outcome with God's faithfulness and only the positive outcome.
Have you ever heard someone say "God is faithful" even when they are going through the worst possible, when it seems God has abandoned them, when their loved ones suffer or have died? How often do you hear God's faithfulness in that kind of setting?
What makes God faithful, I mean really Faithful...what does it consist of?

As you see I have a task set before me. I must seek and find out this answer. I must ask God to guide me and show me Who He really is, and show me His Love and Faithfulness.

If you'd like to see what my dear hubby wrote about God's Love and how we associate it with our blessings, I would encourage you to read it here: http://jnmthw.blogspot.com/2005/12/gods-love-language.html
It is really succint, not as long as my posts! God Bless you!

My little pumpkin! (I mean duck!)

Yeasterday zia Sarah came by and we dressed Jeremiah up for a little while, just enough to get some pictures taken. As I said, I do not intend to participate in every aspect of Halloween, but I did want to dress Jeremiah up since Aunt Becca was so kind to get him this beautiful little duckie costume! Thank you Anunt Becca! (and the other reason is that we have this cute frame from mamaw and papaw where you pute pictures of all the 'firsts' for your baby, and Halloween is obviously included and obviously I had to get one pict at least!).
Sarah and I have talked about it and we really want to have Carnevale next year! I get to dress him up again (and myself!) yeah!