HELP SAVE OUR BLOGS!

I am campaigning on behalf of my hubby's blog. And mine too in some ways. Our switch to beta blogger was a misfit. I already explained what happened and why. I have written a 'post' on Google's group "Blogger Help." No one has replied. :(

So...if you know how we can sucessfully transfer Jon's blog to a new user account/profile, and therefore change the current profile for just me, please let us know! I don't want him to have to delete his entire blog. That just makes me sad. And I am upset that no one has replied to my post and I have no idea how to contact the blogger reps (I have looked all over for their e-mail, and there is no FAQ that adresses this issue).

If you can help we appreciate it so much! We are counting on our faithful readers :)

Giving Thanks

I know it is late, Thanksgiving was last week, but I must say Thanks.

Thank you God for answering our most wrestled-with-you prayer, for blessing us with Jeremiah...thank you does not even convey how I feel.

Thank you for my friends, for my family, for those who love me...but Lord, help me to learn to bless also those who do not love me, or who I do not like, who I find myself indifferent to or from whom I feel being the recepient of such indifference or uncaring attitude, for my enemies and the enemies of my friends.

Lord I pray for my spiritual family, for your body, your church, your bride, for those who are hurting and being persecuted. Lord, help, help us all. Bless us all.

Lord, I pray for all those who are hurting because at times Thanksgiving and Christmas can hurt...because people we love are not here with us anymore, or never have been. I am praying for all of your children who need you and have a hard time saying thank you because they are hurting so deeply.

A thankful heart is a happy heart...please teach me that to be thankful, I only need Jesus and his Grace. And that I have always. I am thankful, becauase I am full of your Grace and Love.

What happened to my profile and a funny joke/story

I have learned now that if you are not dissatisfied with something, than DON'T CHANGE IT! Or at least, wait a while and THINK about it for some time.

My profile is gone because I didn't really think what was going to happen when I "switched" to the beta blogger they are advertising using our gmail account that my husband had ALREADY used to switch his blog into beta. Therefore, he has 3 blogs under his name. His, mine and my Italian one. That is why my blogs are under his profile. I lost my profile. sigh. :-(

I am not sure what I am going to do right now. We are going to see if there is some way we can 'undo' what we did, saving my blogs yet giving me my own profile back. So sorry guys. Now you know the truth: we are not blogging gurus yet.

So, unto the funny joke our preacher shared last Sunday prior to his message. It is about Lawns and the Suburbunite tribe of the USA. I really enjoyed it...because it is so true!

"Winterize your lawn," the big sign outside the garden store commanded.
I've fed it, watered it, mowed it, raked it and watched a lot of it die anyway.
Now I'm supposed to winterize it? I hope it's too late. Grass lawns have to be
the stupidest thing we've come up with outside of thong swimsuits! We constantly
battle dandelions, Queen Anne's lace, thistle, violets, chicory and clover that
thrive naturally, so we can grow grass that must be nursed through an annual
four-step chemical dependency.

Imagine the conversation The Creator might have with St. Francis about
this:
"Frank you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on
down there in the Midwest? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and
stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those
plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon.
The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracted butterflies, honey bees and
flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I
see are these green rectangles."
"It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started
calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great extent to kill them and replace
them with grass."
"Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract
butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with
temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing
there?"
"Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green.
They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that
crops up in the lawn."
"The spring rains and cool weather probably make grass grow really fast.
That must make the Suburbanites happy."
"Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it -
sometimes twice a week."
"They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?"
"Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags."
"They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?"
"No, sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away."
"Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And
when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?"
"Yes, sir."
"These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the
rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of
work."
"You aren't going believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast,
they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow
it and pay to get rid of it."
"What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer
stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to
provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground
and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees
and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's
a natural circle of life."
"You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As
soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and have them hauled
away."
"No! What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and
keep the soil moist and loose?"
"After throwing away your leaves, they go out and buy something they call
mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves."
"And where do they get this mulch?"
"They cut down trees and grind them up."
"Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. Saint Catherine, you're
in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?"
"Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about..."
"Never mind I think I just heard the whole story."

Good Clean Funnies List

The Evolution of the piano

Last week my dh (dear hubby), after reading my complaints of not getting much "live music," took me out to a piano program at HU, where a grand piano as well as his ancestors, a clavichord, harpsichord and fortepiano, were displayed to view on stage. I even got to touch a clavichord! Not many of those around except in museums. I thought it was nice that the technician and the pianist, Dr. Anderson, invited all the audience to come and check these instruments and even play them some. Dr. Andrea Anderson not only spoke about the different pianos and how the instrument came about and evolved through time, but played each one by choosing composers that had writtend music specifically for that very type of instrument or during the time in which it was in use. Above is an example of a flemish harpsichord I found on the web.

From the program's notes I found this excerpt on Mozart very interesting (J-man is watching Baby Mozart right now. I hope he will learn to play and understand music as he grows!)

Mozart, according to his sister Nannarel, never practiced scales and technical
studies. She wrote: "From his childhood on he liked playing the best at night.
When he sat down to the Klavier at 9 in the evening, one could not take him away
before midnight, and even then only by force, or he would have improvised the
whole night...I have no knowledge of his practicing the Klavier after he was
seven years of age, for he always had to improvise, to play at sight, and to
play concerts in front of people, and that was his whole exercicium."

Cousin's talents

After discussing live music and the talents of my cousins' Seth and Jeremy I think that I should point out some of my girl cousins' talents as well:

Becca published her very own book, "The Chains," when she was just 11 years old!

Whereas Kenna crocheted (spell?) this beautiful little tote bag pictured above.

Most of all they are the sweetest girls. I love hanging out with them!

"Silly" discipline

Who would have thought that my little 4 and a half month boy would be LAUGHING at his mamma when I try to discipline him?!?! I know he is really small, and can not understand when he does something wrong, and I don't want you to think that I pull out my belt or a twitch and spank him (and if I did those diapers wouldn't make a difference they are so cushy.)
Jeremiah has started to pinch me, of course unknowingly, however it REALLY hurts, a couple of times it has made me cry out in pain! This boy is very strong. He is going to outgrow me fast I am afraid. He has also started to cry out in anger, as in throwing a temper. He has a strong will as well. Jon has started to flick him on his mouth when he does it saying "NO" very firmly. And of course, he has told me to do this as well in order to teach him not to.
But I was astonished to find out that not only was there no real pain reaction when I either pinched him back or flicked him on the mouth. HE OUTRIGHT LAUGHED AT ME!! you know, those cute shrills a little baby makes when he is tickled!! The first time I did that, Jon heard him and asked me "Didn't you just tell him no and pinched him back?" I said "yes!" We really had to hold ourselves back trying not to laugh outloud. I guess I am tickling him instead of hurting him. It usually works better when I say no and flick him after he has yelled out in frustration with me. It makes him more angry, but at least he doesn't laugh as though it was a big joke. Oh, well.

The truth is that this discipline thing is hard. Being a parent requires you to be tough and consistant. Like my friend reminded me, to discipline is to be disciplined. And I have a lot to practice, being not a very disciplined person to begin with. I appreciate your prayers. We parents aren't all-powerful, and we need a lot of support, love and prayers, as do our children. We depend on our family and our larger, Christian family to help us through this stage in life. Everyone has something to contribute, if nothing else letting us know they care and that we aren't failing as parents and that they love us and our children.
Thanks to all of you, for your love and prayers. I know so many of you have prayed for this baby to join our family and I am so grateful that our prayers have been answered yes with our precious Jeremiah. He is a blessing, and as most blessings happen to be, he is challening us and helping us become better parents and better children of God.

Live Music

Last night Jon and I went to a staff dinner and as entertainment they had a couple of professors play their guitars and entertain us with western music and comedian charm. I really enjoyed it and was glad I went, even just to hear some live music being played by people who truly enjoy music for music's sake. I wish there was more music going around. In our fast-paced entertainment world it is all about downloads, ipods, radio, videos, youtube, and so on. There is no more just plain and simple community music, played on the streets, on someone's front porch, inside the home after dinner, at the community envent center. It isn't as much a thing to enjoy together. Sometimes it is only another buzz noise or distraction to add to the millions we have in this modern world.

I did not grow up with live music because my parents aren't that talented in that area, although they LOVE all kinds of music (for which I am thankful) and we didn't have money for music lessons (the schools in Italy didn't either.) So here I am wanting to soak in music, but guess what? The cheapest tickets are 50 bucks! I remember talking with some friends and them telling me that their father checked in some tickets for a Josh Grobin concert...something like 400$ a piece? and that for just a regular seat??? What?? Why is it so expensive?

Well...I comfort myself knowing I can always go hear the beautiful music my talented cousins make. If they remind me where they are going to play. This is a recent picture of them and their band, Arno, playing at a rock jym for the one year anniversary of the opening. They are very talented, they have a female fiddler player who is great as well. I love listening to them!

I just wish there was more opportunities to make music all together (although I know my voice isn't that great, but still just for fun I wouldn't mind pitching in!)

I love books!

I really do. I could never have too many. What else would you bring to that desert island? I mean, you have to do something with all that free time, uh? The idea of a day spent reading a real good novel has never sound too boring for me. It is the way I wind down. When asked about my favorite books I never know where to start. I keep thinking of ones I liked that I want to add to my list of "favorites" here on my profile.
Here are the books I am reading now:

1. A room with a view by E.M. Forster

2. Prayer-does it make a difference by Philip Yancey

3. The Myth of Certainty by Daniel Taylor (this I just started. The style is more academic so it takes some time to get into it)

(The last two I am going have to renew if I want to finish them!)

National Adoption Awareness Month

This past Saturday I went to the County's Adoption Picnic, sponsored by the Children's Homes in the area. There I was able to observe the children having some time of fun and games, children seeking a home. Jon and I are hoping, Lord willing, to adopt a child in the future. One of my relatives is also doing foster parenting and I have come to love their little foster child and I know they pray for all of them and love them unconditionally, giving out their hearts even knowing they might be broken time and time again. In this state there are 450 children waiting to be adopted. Anyways, at the picnic they had this houndout whith this quote I wanted to share:

There are no unwanted children, only unfound families.

Praying for all the children of the world. May God use His people to spread His love to them, however we come in contact with them.

Pornography

Last night I attended a women's devotional. I was convicted by the message of one of the girls who spoke of the struggle that every young (and older) man deals with: pornography. Someone even told her that if some guy said that he did not struggle with it he was very likely lying. It is really sad and I felt heavy in my heart for my husband and all the other men out there. What a (not meaningful)sex-saturated world we live in.
I know that for me it is extremly hard to understand the pull that pornography has on men. I know they have a higher sex drive, or better, they are drawn to it more easily/quickly because it comes through the 'eyes', through seeing/looking at/imagining the naked body.
(LADIES, we have a wonderful gift, the gift of being pleasing, but DO NOT BE FOOLED, men are much more pleased by a woman who RESPECTS them enough to not show her body off. We have a responsability, just like we want men to respect us enough and not look at us like pieces of meat, just some pretty thing to look at and touch, than we MUST not DRESS nor ACT like we are such).
Although it might be hard for most of us girls to understand this sin, God opened my eyes recently to some of my own sins (which are so easy to dismiss, for some reason our own struggles always seem 'less' than others). I remember confessing to my husband with an embarassed smiled that I had finished the entire cake in one sitting. Ugh, I felt (and still do) so disgusted with myeslf. You see, I have an eating struggle. I am sometimes controled by my sinful nature that lusts for sweets. Especially chocolate. Many times it is triggered by emotions, such as boredom, moodiness, anger, depression, etc. My husband at first did not understand why I gave in so easily, because he does not struggle like I do with food. Than it hit me! I told him that for me OVEREATING SWEETS was like men's struggle with pornography.
My eyes were open to what he deals with by realizing how easily I fall in the temptation of overeating. I think things such as "it is just this time, I wont eat much longer (and I always do), it isn't that big of a deal"...very similar thoughts that Satan entices men to agree with when tempting them through pornography.
But I had to pray to God last night to give me a greater understanding and to convict me in spirit that this struggle with pornography, just as my own sins and struggles, were a BIG DEAL. It is much easier and nicer to forget about it, because I want to fix it and I know that I am powerless to "undo" with the switch of a wand the lure of pornography and gluttony. But I must realize that I must aknowledge them and accordingly struggle against them, fight them as a soldier of God's army, because my marriage, my husband, my son, the men in my life are important and worhty and that pornography is destroying their spirits. They do not like it one bit. It is never 'nice' or 'fun' to be controlled by something, like sex or food. Things intended for good are distorted by our self-centered need to be immedietly appeased. For why do I always eat chocolate if not to get immedieate gratification? Instead of turning to God and trusting Him to fulfill me in the way I need, I immedietly run to the pantry, the coffeeshop, in hopes to be 'restored' by peanut butter and a mocha. Although I immedietly get the gratification I seek and feel good, it tastes bitter and rotten in the end. Doesn't it? It always goes that way. We are immedietly gratificated but it leaves us very soon even more empty and sadden than before. I am not good at being patient, waiting for God to fulfill me. I want Him to talk to me immedietly, in audible voice. But if I did, would I take what He says and be content, or would I think choclate is better? Because who am I living for? For my lusts, for food, or ...? Will I give God a chance and live for Him? I want to Lord. Help me. Help us all. For we are powerless, but you have the Power to make us whole and save us from ourselves. Amen.

Question about Faith and God's Faithfulness

Here is what happened last week. I was on campus when I left the Bible building with Jeremiah to head back home and a woman in the hall stopped me to check him out (he is a cute baby, so I get stopped a lot:) The lady asked me how old he was and went on to tell me she had a 15 month old. She than, sort of out of the blue, told me how she had been diagnosed with cancer and that the Drs had given her just 6 months to live but now it had been much longer than that and she felt great. Of course, out of happiness for her I rejoiced by saying "Praise God" and she answered:
"Yes, I have faith, lot of faith, and lots of prayers."

My chin dropped. It was like a knife cut straight through my heart.
You see, I prayed too, many people prayed, we had faith, I had faith, a lot of faith as well. However....my daughter wasn't healed. She died, in the womb, at 24 weeks gestation.
We had faith, we had lots of prayers...just like this woman, but I did not have the outcome she had. But when I hear her and many, many others like her recount their own stories or stories of others, it would seem like THAT is what made the difference, what brought on the healing, or the positive answer to a request, a blessing one was hoping for. That it is FAITH and PRAYERS OF FAITH performed by people that gives the positive outcome. Why not for us?

Here is another hard question to ponder. A woman from my Hannah's Prayer support group wrote about this. She was wondering what to think about God and His faithfulness in the light that she might not ever carry a child to term. She said "I know that for those who do indeed become pregnant and who carry a child to term, or for those who are able to adopt and become parents that way, God is faithful to them. But how is God faithful to those who do not ever have any children?

This is a real issue for me and others like me who are struggling spiritually and in church. We hear other Christians use these pharses all the time "God is faithful because he answered (yes) my prayers and now I have_____(fill in the blank)." It isn't that I don't rejoice with them. As you saw before, I immedietly rejoiced and praised God for this woman's healing. I was genuinly happy for her and thankful to God for her healing. But when she added that last statement, I was hurt. Possibly because the way it sounds is that it was HER FAITH and the FAITH OF OTHERS that made the healing possible. Of course we know it was God. But God sometimes says no. Is faith that which determines the outcome? What about Job?
And is God faithful only when we receive, even after years and years of prayers and suffering, the ultimate thing we had prayed for? And is He no longer faithful when He doesn't?
I know we know the answer, but when we speak what do our words say, what do others hear? There is nothing WRONG in thanking God for the good things in life, in praising him and thanking Him for healing, for the blessing of a child, for a prayer answered YES. We did that just not too long ago with Jeremiah! And I will thank Him again! Praise you God! It would be sin not to thank Him. He is the one who made it possible, but when we say things like "You see, I told you God is Faithful" it links the positive (to us) outcome with God's faithfulness and only the positive outcome.
Have you ever heard someone say "God is faithful" even when they are going through the worst possible, when it seems God has abandoned them, when their loved ones suffer or have died? How often do you hear God's faithfulness in that kind of setting?
What makes God faithful, I mean really Faithful...what does it consist of?

As you see I have a task set before me. I must seek and find out this answer. I must ask God to guide me and show me Who He really is, and show me His Love and Faithfulness.

If you'd like to see what my dear hubby wrote about God's Love and how we associate it with our blessings, I would encourage you to read it here: http://jnmthw.blogspot.com/2005/12/gods-love-language.html
It is really succint, not as long as my posts! God Bless you!

My little pumpkin! (I mean duck!)

Yeasterday zia Sarah came by and we dressed Jeremiah up for a little while, just enough to get some pictures taken. As I said, I do not intend to participate in every aspect of Halloween, but I did want to dress Jeremiah up since Aunt Becca was so kind to get him this beautiful little duckie costume! Thank you Anunt Becca! (and the other reason is that we have this cute frame from mamaw and papaw where you pute pictures of all the 'firsts' for your baby, and Halloween is obviously included and obviously I had to get one pict at least!).
Sarah and I have talked about it and we really want to have Carnevale next year! I get to dress him up again (and myself!) yeah!

Hallows Eve-- Tutti Santi/All Saints

The word Hallowe'en is a contraction of "Hallowed evening". Hallowed is
an old English word for "holy" — as in "Hallowed be Thy Name", in the Lord's
Prayer.
Why is this evening "hallowed"? Because it is the eve of the Feast of
All Saints — which used to be called All Hallows. Like Christmas Eve and New
Year's Eve, and the Easter Vigil, the Church's celebration of her greatest
feasts begins the evening before. (This follows the ancient Jewish practice of
beginning the celebration of the Sabbath at sundown on Friday evening.)
We
need to begin to re-Christianize Hallowe'en by repairing the broken link to its
Christian meaning and significance. We need to reattach it to All Saints Day —
and to All Souls Day, for it is only in relation to this that we can understand
the original and true significance of the "hallowed eve".
Excerpt from
article by Helen Hull Hitchcock http://www.wf-f.org/Hallow-Saints.html



I printed these out because having grown up in Italy I have a
different view of Halloween. In fact, in Italy we do not celebrate Halloween at
all as a pagan/harvest festival. It is a festivity dedicated to all Saints (and
I believe Christians are all saints) and for Souls Day, we pay respect to those
who have gone before us. We dress up and have fun with “tricks” and games on
Carnival, which comes around February before Lent and Easter.

~~This up here is what we printed out and put next to our door outside. We are still inviting the kiddos and the adults to ring the door bell tonite and get some little treats (I got mostly chocolate for some reason!). I never really thought about doing Halloween. We have a few friends who do not celebrate it at all. I was talking to one of them recently. We were at the storytime at the library and they were, in preparation of Halloween, reading books about it and making a "halloween wreath" for craft time. She wished she hadn't come because now she had to explain to her 3 year old daughter why they didn't do it. I am going to dress Jeremiah for a picture, maybe go out to the court square and connect with the community. I do not fear the "evil" and "devil" stuff that is part of this festivity. I am told to only fear God! And He is greater than all that. However, I do not want to associate with that stuff either.

We talked about how nice it is to dress up and all, so I thought about Carnevale, the time before Lent around February, when we dress up in Italy. I think that is what I wish to do with my family, with Jeremiah as he grows up and Lord willing other children he will bring to our family. I always loved Carnevale growing up, it will be a great alternative to Halloween that will give us the opportunity to have fun with dressing up in costumes and connecting with our Italian heritage.

(I do think though that as long as we live in the states I will try and celebrate 'harvest time' as opposed to Halloween so to still have something going on, just like the churches here usually have a 'fall fest' for the kids and families)

I already have an idea of what I want to dress up like for Carnevale. But does anyone else have some neat and unique suggestions for a costume?

The Constant of Change

Yes we moved. We had a baby, we made BIG plan changes, and we moved back to Searcy. Never thought we would, but here we are. I am hopeful, if not even excited, about some of the changes. First Jon is going to go back to school and get a second B.A. in Computer Science at Harding. He is now working in the IT department, learning about computers and such. All that kind of stuff (programming, software, web development) that goes way above my head. Glad he is the logic one, the one I turn to when I have problems with my blog or email :)
This is the reason behind the move. We don't plan to stay here any longer than what it takes Jon to get his degree and than find a job and a place where we can make a difference. We still want to do that. Though we have no idea how.

It hurts a little to change. We had planned to go to Milano, Italy, and work with the Shorts there. We wish we could, but Jon is not ready. His heart is not yet confident in what God's purpose is for him. And I am proud of him for stepping up, admitting such a difficult thing about himself, and realizing that he must 'seek' out what God has in store for him and for us as a family. It takes courage to change and do what is right, even when it hurts.

It has been emotional, this change. I miss Italy, and desire to go back there (although I know that in my mind I probably have it painted much nicer than what it really would be). I miss our friends and we hurt for the Church there, wanting to encourage and love them. But I am reminded of my vows: "Where you go I will go" and I am learning to stay faithful to them, both physically, but also emotionally and menatlly. Learning to become one is an everday process.

Short version of Birth Story (by Jon)

For those who wish to read a much shorter version of Jeremiah's Birth story you can read my husband's version that I copied down here:

~June 22, 10:30 AM: Ultrasound at Drs office showed that Miriam suffered from "fetal macrosomia." Freaky, huh? It just means she had a "big baby" - 9 lb 13 oz according to the ultrasound. Dr. said, "We need to induce this afternoon!"
~3:00 PM: Arrive at the hospital
~4:30 PM: Miriam is started on Pitocin to induce labor.
~June 23, 2:00 AM: Miriam has dilated to 6 cm
~6:00 AM: Still at 6 cm; Miriam is becoming exhausted (and momma Lucy, Jon and doula Jennie who are there all night are sort of tired too!); we talk about our options with the Dr.; he says that breaking her water is the only other option to get things moving.
~6:45 AM: Dr. breaks Miriam's water; baby descends; contractions become more intense.
~8:30 AM: Miriam is at 9 1/2 cm. WHAT?!?!?!?!?!? Man that was fast!
~8:55 AM: Miriam begins pushing
~9:34 AM: Jeremiah is here!!!!!!!!!! Thank you Lord!

A moment to cherish forever

Ever so thankful for our beautiful miracle, Jeremiah Lorenzo.

Remembering and missing always our precious miracle Gioia Carise,

waiting for us in Heaven and smiling on her little brother.

Jeremiah's Birth Story:


***For those who do not know web lingo: PTL= Praise the Lord and DH= Dear Husband***

SENT TO THE HOSPITAL:
Thursday June 22 my mother and I went to the OB's office to have a non-stress test (via ultrasound and fetal monitoring). Jeremiah passed both tests but the US showed a possible 9 lb 13 oz. baby! After performing another cervical exam the OB told my mom and I that I needed to be induced ASAP since I wanted to deliver vaginally. He said he was a little bit pessimistic about my ability to give birth vaginally because the baby seemed so big and I was quite petite. We did not however realize he meant immedietly. So after he left us for a minute in the room we were suprised to overhear the nurse call in the hospital to let them know they were sending me in to be induced b/c of "fetal macrosomia"-- that is Big Baby syndrome!We were able to go back home first, recollect ourselves somewhat, call the doula, get everything we needed and take a shower.

INDUCEMENT AT THE HOSPITAL:
We got to the hospital at 3 pm but I had to wait almost an hour before someone finally got to me. By 4:30 we were officially admitted and Jon, my mom and doula were present with me when at 5 pm they finally got me hooked on the pitocin to commence labor. I had hoped they would have had a "battery powered" IV hook for me to take showers in but they didn't. However one nurse who was just helping in was so kind to go look all over the L&D floor for a battery charged fetal monitoring device so I could walk the halls at least and be a little more mobile during labor (I had to be on constant fetal monitoring- hospital policy.) I started to feel the contractions about 45 minutes later but they weren't as intense and frequent as I thought they would be, and they just felt like strong menstrual cramps for a long time, until late evening. I know I don't know what these numbers mean, nor if they were ml or cc, but I started with the minumum of pitocin which was about 8. The max was 90. I went all the way up to 90 around 2:30 am! The contractions did get stronger and more intense as they up the dosage however the progress was slow and I felt bad for my dh, mom and doula who had to be there all night with not much happening. The way the night went was me alternating between trying to bring contractions on more forcefully by walking the hall, moving around on the birthing ball, doing pelvic tilts, etc. and resting and relaxing while lying in bed, rocking in a chair, having one of my companions (mom, dh and doula) rub my feet, back or neck, trying even to catch some zzzs in between contractions. Around 12 am I was up to 6 cms dilated but I stayed that way up to around 6 am when the OB came to check on me. By then the contractions were strong enough (I was afterall at the max amount allowed of pitocin) that I had two of my companions take turns putting pressure on my hips and lower back. For some reason the pressure on the hips really helped. I even got a bruise on the left hip during transition because I wanted so much pressure!

BREAKING THE WATERS AND ONSET OF TRANSITION:
Like I said, I went up all the way to the max pitocin amount and nothing was happening. When the OB came he let me know that breaking my waters artificially was our only real hope to get things moving in the right direction before calling out the dreadful "failure to progress" statement all four of us prayed about it and then had our Dr. break the waters around 6:45 am on Friday June 23. Sure enough, things started moving! My contractions immedietly became much more powerful. I became very very focused as the contractions took over and increased in intensity, duration and frequency. I sort of entered into a zone. I would sit on my birthing ball and just roll around while vocalizing deep sounds and breathing heavily. I am sure it would all seem very strange and weird for others to see and hear. I was very vocal but didn't scream...I sort of had to "move with" the contractions, and vocalizing them as they came over me. There was no way I could "ignore" them or "relax"...I almost had to sort of "dance" and get into this 'out of your mind and in your body' mentality. That is why time and everything else around me just dissapeared for the next two hours! I remember once, for just a slight minute, I went back into my mind and I thought "Oh...what if this isn't transition? Can I 'make' these contractions a 7 or 8?" (I was thinking of the little scale they had at the hospital to determine pain, it went from 1 to 10, 10 being the worse possible). But thank God, nursue Tish (that would later be invaluable during pushing) told us I was at 9 cm dilation almost 10! I was in transition afterall! I stayed on the bed after she checked me w/ my legs crossed and dealt with the hardest contractions ever, still vocalizing and swaying myself back and forth as I hung on to my dh and my mom and doula put pressure on my back and hips (it was so great to have 3 support persons, perfect for what I needed). PUSHING: Than Tish the nursue said I could start pushing. That is when I got out of the zone and felt very vulnerable, like "how do I do that?" I immedietly looked my doula and asked her what I should do and she asked me if I wanted to "breathe the baby out or take deep breaths and hold it in while I pushed." I did not understand what breathing the baby out was right then and I remember holding my breath and pushing when I gave birth to Gioia three years before so I told her I would do that. I think in retrospect I prepared myself well for labor but not much for the actual pushing, wich for me was the hardest part, mainly b/c I had not prepared for how hard it was going to be and how much it was going to hurt. It really did hurt. I looked at my doula and she was so wonderful to help me decide how I would push, counting with me and teachign dh to count for me as I pushed holding my breath. I would take deep breaths, supposedly just one or two but several times I stalled taking in 4 or more because I was 'scared' knowing how it would hurt. I pushed standing up to try and get the baby to descend more, than on all fours on the bed. Than Tish had the wonderful idea for me to get on my back and hold my legs up, like they have you practice in childbirth classes, to encoruage Jeremiah to turn around since he had been in the harder position for descent through the pelvis. That did the trick! Jeremiah did turn around, PTL! She told me to wait and to blow when I had the urge to push as she called the OB. I know that had it not been for her and my doula constantly encouraging me throughout my pushing, telling me that I was making more and more progress, I would have gotten really discouraged and frantic. Them telling me I was getting closer and closer kept me going. The OB came in, totally suprised I had gotten so far. I cried out for dh to come support me by holding me from behind. He sat right behind me and was able to have my same point of view of the birth, which was wonderful for him. I don't remember how long I pushed once the Dr. was there, probably not too long. I had started pushing around 8:50 am. Once he had arrived he told me that if he cut me some I would only have to push a little more, that if he didtn't I would still tear but would probably push longer. I immedietly said "CUT!" I pushed once or twice and I heard them say his head was out...I was so intent in what I was doing I had my eyes closed the whole time and I didn't see (Oh, I remember reaching down earlier to see if I could feel his head and my doula saying not to b/c the Dr. probably wouldn't want me to). I just heard them telling me one more big push, though it probably took me two, to get his broad shoulders out but then he was out and they immedietly layed him on my abdomen!!

HE IS HERE!!!:

What can I say next? I was totally lost in this baby's face! I remember first saying, "Oh scream baby..." and he did, and did not stop for a loooong time He layed crying on my tummy while I just touched his little face. He was covered in blood and white vernex...but I was just so amazed...I thought he was so big and long! I had waited for so long to meet him...I just realized that this precious baby and I were truly meeting face to face for the first time. We knew each other...yet we didn't...we were still a little bit 'stranger' to one another. But I cried so many happy tears, feeling so overwhelmed by what a miracle he was! Birth itself seemed so extraordinary. Dh was behind me so I couldn't see him, but his hands were there too, touching, strocking our newborn Jeremiah. I just gazed at him amazed...couldn't do anything else. Just looked at him, mostly his face. They allowed Jeremiah to stay on my tummy until the cord stopped pulsating; They also took the agpar score while he was there. Than dh got up to cut the cord. I didn't see him cutting the cord b/c I was still stearing at God's miracle (who was still crying PTL!). After that daddy took Jeremiah to be weighed (9 lbs and 4 oz!! Big baby indeed!) and measured (20 1/2 ") etc. There he learned how to swaddle his little bundle of joy and how to put on his diaper. I think Jeremiah calmed down listening to his vocie speak to him. My mom thinks he recognized his dad's voice. My mom, who had to sit down and drink some juice during the pushing b/c it got too emotional for her to watch me go through it came up to me crying and just full of encouragement. She and my doula were both there teary eyed stroking my hair and legs while I went through some excrutiating repair work. I had several tears, both external and internal, in my rectum as well as the birth canal so it took about 40 minutes for the Dr. to get it all fixed up.

REMEMBERING GIOIA:
Before I left the room to go to the recovery hall something hit me. I was looking at dh holding our little Jeremiah and I thought "He is alive, we have a baby!" and it hit me...I remembered Gioia. She was not alive. We did not have a baby to take home....the pure grief and heartache took over and I started bawling. I don't think anyone knew why, only dh did because I was saying through the sobs "He is alive. This time he is alive." The birth experience was actually totally different from Gioia's, and to be honest I did not think of her much during the whole thing. But after he was born I missed her. And I still wished she had been born alive.

AFTER DELIVERY:
I was obviously REALLY tired after that and kind of 'out of it'. When other staff came to take me up to the recovery hall I was so shacky. I hadn't had a good night's rest and so that just added to the fatigue I was feeling. I barely remember those moments until I got to sleep. The nursue that came in to talk to me once I checked in the recovery room probably thought I was looney (BTW, that same nurse came up to me at church today! She has been attending for a year and we had not met yet! How neat is that? I thought it was so nice that she remembered me and came up to me after worship).
That afternoon Jeremiah, who we had asked to room with us, got a little purple. His toungue was not, but they put him under close surveillance in the nursery for a while. They believed he was just having a hard time getting his blood to flow throughout his little body to keep himself warm. He was fine the next day and has had a 'good color' complexion ever since. I sort of freaked out of course when it happened but they took good care of him. The pediatrician said he was a fine looking boy and he passed with flying colors on his first visit. The day we were discharged the pediatrician lady just looked at Jeremiah while I was breastfeeding him and said he looked just great, and we were free to go!

We left on Sunday around noon, June 25th, and it has been a learning experience ever since, but one we have been thanking God for everyday and always will.

40 weeks

This is what I look like now. We took this picture friday evening, June 16th, baby's due date. He still hasn't showed up! Please pray he will, and that I will go in to labor on my own. There is a big chance I will be induced sometime before Friday if I don't. I also went to the acupuncturist on friday and will go tomorrow as well to see if we can get things moving on their own.
I just wanted to share this picture with you all. Hopefully next time I will be able to share a picture with this little miracle on the outside!

Sharing is fun!

Last night I started a new blog in which to keep in touch, share news and thoughts with my friends and family in Italy. Today I want to create one for the same purpose but this time for all of my loved ones who speak English (or mostly English). My husband has been very good at keeping up his blog lately, and I think it is a great way to stay in touch with those we love and miss, friends both near and far away. I had another blog I started end of last year, but going to school full-time and not having a purpose for keeping one kept me from posting on it. So I am starting over! it is so freshing to start anew, like writing on that first blank page of a journal...so many possibilities! Of course life gets really busy and it will definetly get busier for me and VERY SOON, since I am just four days from my due date! I am eagerly anticipating meeting this little boy I have been priveledged to carry for nine months. So that will take up the bulk of my time and learning to be a mother to this miracle will be my first priority. So I can't promise I will be blogging very much! However, I do love sharing what goes through my head and touches my heart and this is one great way to reach out to those I love and 'share' my life with them (and hopefully them with me:).

The tile of this blog comes from one of my favorite songs of one of my all-time favorite song-writers, Sara Groves. In her song "Every minute" she shares how important people are to her, and how she will take "every minute" that they give her, even at the risk of wearing out her welcome and at the risk of self-discovery. In another of her songs "Just one more thing" she states that "At the end of your life your relationships are all you've got." I think she is absolutely right. People are so important to me. They are what make life life, and what most make me alive. The most important person is Jesus Christ. The giver of true life. And I experience Him the most, experience His love and presence, when I am around people. My relationships are what I want to treasure most on earth, for that is what I get to bring to Heaven! And yes, I will take every minute that you give me.

Becuase of Love,
Miriam