My "voting" guide for this election

Actually this isn't my 'voting' guide, but my life guide! I do believe it is so much more important for the Kingdom of Heaven, to whom I give all my allegiance, how I act outside of the voting booth. That is where my values and beliefs are truly tested and that is where I can actually make an immediate and concrete difference in the lives of others. This is taken from Matthew 25:

34"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world.
35For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

Shanti namaste

I've been doing prenatal yoga for the past few months and LOVE it! It is so relaxing and I enjoying the deep rhytmic breathing. I think it will help a lot in terms of getting ready for labor and delivery. I have noticed in the past a tendency for some people at church to question if yoga is something we should involve in. Some want to change words and formats, sort of like we do with 'praise workouts' and no, there is nothing wrong with that per se, but I wonder how many know what these easter words really mean. Because if they did maybe it wouldn't be so bad. The word "Namaste", which is what you do when you put your hands together as in prayer next to your heart center, means "I honor the spirit in you" (there are obviously differences to this, but the bottom live is that it is an honoring, respectful greeting you give one another). I find it wonderful that many easter cultures have always realized that there is a spiritual truth, dimension to a life, an eternal one, whereas its western counterparts in which I have grown up do not ever aknowledge those, if they do they seem to look at it in lesser ways, not as important as the material and temporal aspect of life. And everyone has a spirit made by God that dwells in them, and that spirit, that person is important to Him. I do 'honor' that.
Our instructor happens to be Christian so often she speaks about God, how he made our bodies to bare children, etc. Obviously that is not always the case, many instructors are not Christian and they see yoga as an alternative spirituality, one that focus on the 'divine self', perhaps, (what we call new age?). However, that is not necessarily how yoga started. Sure, I do belive the easter practice is not Christian per se, but even in the Bible I see Paul and other missionaries always pointing to what there is in common "You have a statue for an 'unkonwn God' ...let me tell you who this God is!" I think learnign about other cultures, with an open mind, ready to see light and hope in some aspect of their lives (like missionaries in Africa, sorry don't remembe rthe names and exact story, but those who were trying to reach out to these very violent and blood thirsty tribes who always fought each other, and finally seeing a way when they learned of their 'peace child' practice) is a more sure way to not only effectively reach and love others, but to grow ourselves in love and grace. I grew up in a 'foreign' country (well not to me! America has been the most 'foreign' so far) and with parents who loved to learn about others and their cultures and places, so I know it makes it easier for me. But we should not 'fear' the foreign, the different. If at first it sounds wrong, perhaps evil and sinister, let's find out for sure, for ourselves. Let us not take 'hear say', especially if these people haven't really done their research themselves. Knowledge and wisdom go hand in hand.
So Shanti (peace to you) namaste, may you find God's hands even in the most unlikely of places.

about my posting routine

I wish I had a 'regular' posting routine, a time that I devote to 'journaling' online, sharing my journey of life, as ordinary as it may seem at times, but full, that's for sure. I would love for God to make this into some kind of 'beacon' of hope and love, some kind of 'ministry' to bless others and I have prayed about it....like "God what do you want me to do of the blog? uhm... what should I name it ('cause it is all in the name, haha!)" I have often been frustrated by the lack of 'consistancy' in writing as well as a more consistant theme. (I know, there are way bigger things to get frustrated at! It makes me laugh to think abou it now!)
Well, I have recently learned that you must 'budget' time just as you need to budget money, if you wish to save and have a plenty. The other thing I have learned is that, honestly, as much as I love the form of writing and journaling, this is not a priority, at least not through this kind of medium (the internet). Others, my IRL relationships and responsabilities definitely take a prioritiy, and I hope always will. And with working a couple of days a week, waking up early and have an appointment with God and just taking care of the house, my hubby, my very wonderfully active and alive two year old and every other little detail...well, there is very little left! I have come to accept that this is not a season in life for me where I can spend hours on hours reading, writing, even praying, meditaing and reading from the Bible. Jman often finds me on the couch reading the Bible when he first wakes up and yes, I put it down, talk and cuddle him, ask him if he slept well and let him jibber jabber into his first morning thoughts. It is a special time and I know God understands and wants me to nurture him even if I just got a little bit of time with the Nurturer himself. Come December you can rest assured you will hear from me even more infrenquently!
I have to accept this. After all I prayed to be a mom and I am so thankful for this gift, and I have to seize it now. Even if it is draining and difficult at times, everyone seems to know it will go by so fast and I want to make most of it. I have found myself calmer even with 40 minutes of 'quiet time', that small portion of time where I am by myself, able to think, pray, journal, read, and ask God to keep making it real for me, making faith my way of life, I find myself at peace. It is hard for me to pinpoint how these two go together, but I have noticed a difference in myself, how less anxious I am about things, and how I try and not get things done just because "I have to" attitude, but because I can, I want to and I want to bless others. I look at Jeremiah and am learning to love him in spite of all the stuborness and little will 'fights' he starts up daily if not hourly. Or maybe it's me as well!

So no, there is no posting routine on this web diary. And that is how it is going to be for a while. Eventually I will probably be able to 'budget' some time for it, after budgeting for all the other important stuff. And, Lord willing, for us all, I will get straight to the point, so my posts will be short and sweet ;)

A free book

Weak and weary mom is giving away a free book. I am putting my 'name' in the hat. Here is the link to her post.

Now for an update on the baby

Some have asked, so here is the news: it looks like a ...........GIRL!
We are so thankful that with the ultrasound everything looked good and I am thankful for every stronger and stronger kick I feel, saying "Wow, am I really expecting another baby? Am I again to be so blessed?" Most days I dont' have much time to really sit and contemplate my pregnant status or day dream about our future with another little child. I do think about it, but most of the times I am really busy running around a very active and energy-filled toddler, who gives me plenty to do.
I am very thankful for our little girl and can't wait to see her. I am still sometimes in shock that it is a girl! Mostly I just pray for her health and for my peace of mind as I await her arrival around the second week of December. And say a million thanks for this answer to prayer. Sometimes I can't believe I am mom! Thank you God! And thank you, for your love, and support, and prayers.

Christian self-obsessions link with consumerism

Although many will read Rapture Ready! and walk away disgusted with how American capitalism has contaminated our churches I think that might be missing the point. Mistaking the symptom for the underlying disease. And I think the disease is not materialism or consumerism but the underlying neuroses governing much of American Christianity and modern life generally. The shopping is driven by the neurosis. And this neurosis is largely the product of American leisure time, the luxury of having time to obsess about ourselves. If the brain doesn't have an external task to focus on it turns inward and we grow, as they say, self-conscious.

What, then, is the answer? None come simply to mind, just a suggestion about where to start. The problem, as I see it, isn’t “materialism” or capitalism but the neurotic core of modern life. And it’s not just a Christian problem, most Americans are infected by it. As Radosh notes, secular pop culture isn't much better than Christian pop culture (think Paris Hilton). Thus, you attempt to “fix” the excesses of pop Christian consumption by reconfiguring the self-image and psychology of American Christians. Jesus, famously, said he had no home, no pillow to rest his head on at night. This might be read as a renunciation of wealth, but I see it as a facet of Jesus’ non-neurotic personality. He could live simply and for others because, at some deep level, he just didn't care. Didn’t obsess about his hair or how “effective” he was (and how Seven Habits might help). You turn your back on consumerism only when you turn your back on self-consciously obsessing. To live with less or to shun fashion (Christian or secular) is difficult for psychological and social rather than economic reasons. To stop caring about what people think is the great achievement, one lauded not only by Jesus but by all the great moral and religious thinkers. True freedom is being free of the neurotic web of society.


This is just the ending of Dr. Richard Beck's post, which is mostly a review of a book entitled "Rapture Ready!" on pop-Christianity (or American Christianity, something I had come to know b/c all my Christian "stuff" had to come from my grandparents in America while growing up).

This was a really good read to me and I wold recommend you checking it out.
Recently I have been trying to implement a new approach in order to hopefully stick to a regular habit of meeting with God in prayer on a much more regular basis. But from thinking (obsessing?) about that, I started worrying and obsessing (despite praying for it) about the status of my faith and my struggle to trust God, and especially how He answers prayer (if any of you know my past you know why this is particularly hard). After reading Beck's post I had to laugh at myself. Perhaps it might have seemed a spiritual pursuit, but there is a lot of 'self' obession really. Trusting God doesn't mean I have to have it 'all together', but that is what I usually pursue. I want to know the whys and the becauses of how God works, not just know Him. In short I am pursuing what I think will give me peace of mind. Of course it is more complicated than that, but I believe one reason I obesses about 'my faith' and when will I be finally really 'in faith' and free of doubt, because the tendency of the church in the states is to focus on our personal journeys, focusing on how to 'be better, get better, feel better' in a very self-help way. I am not saying counseling and specific ministries are wrong at all, but sometimes it can fuel self-obession than release us from it. The idea that I have to 'feel faith' in order to know all is okay with me and God is an obession I must give up in order to perhaps really receive faith that I need.

I work in a small Christian retail store, and for some things I can tell a difference in the business. But not at all times. It is still a business, after all, and not a ministry. And although I love books, there are so many out there that are just a self-help book with a faith twist (like Dr. Beck says in his next post, using Joel Osteen's book as an example). There is nothing wrong in this. What is wrong is what consumerism masks, something that I had not realized and Dr. Beck pointed out: our neurosis! Our letting ourselves obsess and obsess about issues. I know I do this! I obesses about parenting, and God knows I have worried about which parenting philosophy I should follow; I have obssessed about my 'routines', like I mentioned for prayer, but also for homekeeping, for all sorts of stuff. I obesses about how to be the best, how to deal with my obsessions themselves, like not feeling I have the faith I want.
The bottom line is that I (we?) make a big deal about stuff, about life as it concernes ourselves, as it matters to me- we are born self-centered after all, and learning to stop thinking only in terms of self is what means to "die to self and put on Christ."
Christianity, God, my faith cannot just simply be therapy, a means for me to 'feel better; be happier." Yet too many times I have approched it that way. And often I feel that the church itself approaches it that way. My precious dh the other day, after I was recounting him how I had a good 'prayer' morning the day before, but that day I was plagued by sorrowful feelings between me and God he just simply told me "You shouldn't go to God in prayer just expecting good feelings all the time." As if God was my 'quick-fix' before I start the day. He is a person! He is not there to just please me...oh, yeah, it's the other way around! I am supposed to please Him!

I have yet to buy a new Bible. I have thought of it, and obesses about it also, since I have worked in a place that sells Bibles. Do I need a new compact Bible to bring with me in my purse? Or a new study Bible? Which kind? How about one with large margins? I can get a new devotional Bible just for women, or just for moms....the list goes on and on. I think somewhere between checking for the best prices and listing pro and cons of the various 'type' of Bibles I thought....well, if I am NOT even reading and using the 'old' ones I have at home, then it really doesn't matter.

And so now I am going to use what I have and be at peace with that. Though the study Bible I have doesn't meet all my needs, God knows what I need and even with my small struggling faith I will trust Him for that.

Home by Jeannie Baker

This is a book I picked up at the college library. It immediately caught my attention b/c it is a series of picture collages (I really like collages) that show the transformation of a shady, dirty and sad street in the city to a beautiful and wonderful vibrant and living community. There are no words but the author writes this at the end of the book:

In the past, "home" meant not just the building in which a person lived. "Home" embraced the street, the landmarks, and the special places in the neighborhood. Now many people throughout the world live in cities or urban communities and no longer feel a strong connection with the land on which these places are built. In some cities, however, communities are finding ways their streets can once again become part of people's sense of home and play a part in their sense of belonging. Many communities are working to bring back the variety of local native plants and animals that once lived there. People are discovering th need to nurture and to be nurtured by the unique character of the places where they live.
It takes time, as this book shows. But the choice is ours to make- having simply a place to live or, by understand the land and caring for it, belonging to a living home.

It truly inspired me b/c I sometimes have day dreamed about dh and I moving into an urban, perhaps even very urban setting. Often I would get this idea (from those around me) that I couldn't make a home, not with kids for sure, in a city. Too scary, too much crime, too messy...etc. I actually grew up very near if not practically in the city. And I loved it. I got to do a lot. There were parks, there were lots of walks downtown and in old town. I miss it. Of course that was (and is) a nice norther, not too big city in Italy.
I think for now dh and I plan to live outside of big cities, mostly b/c of cost of living since I will be staying home. Also b/c it is usually a nicer place for children, don't have to worry about traffic and such, kids can be out more, etc. But if we are ever to move into the city or, like I think of it, be called to reach out to inner city, I hope that I can make it my home.
Bottom line, no matter where I live, I hope I start planting seeds around me, bringing everything around my physical place of dwelling together. I think here in this very 'pro' individual society we forget that we are meant to live in community, that actually even the most introverted one of us thrives and lives better when living in harmony in community. Together we can do so much more for ourselves and the place we live in. It does start though with an individual's choice to reach out in small but tangible ways that everyone can benefit from.

P.S. I shared the 'amazon' link since you can view a few pages.

In case anyone still checks my blog....I've got some news

I sort of took a sabbatical. Not really, because I have nothing to show for it (like a novel manuscript on the way, or at least a clean house). Truth is I have no real internet connection at home and have been to lazy and tired to go out in the evenings (when the little tyke is in bed...a big boy bed now that his daddy made him one!) and connect with the universe through this medium. However, the fatigue (and nausea if you will) has a very good reason and has caused us celebration and rejoicing in spite of feeling 'ugh'. We are expecting another precious blessing sometime around Dec. 13 of this year! We are very thankful for this new little baby and we desire prayers for this baby's health and continued growth. I haven't been as nervous as I was with J-man and have made myself not play the 'what if' worry game- well, most of the times. I am trying to take it one day at a time (really one hour at a time thanks to my pukiness), after all what else can I do? I am not in control and must thank God for every day, every pregnancy symptom I experience, every new morning. I am so thankful to be so far and pray for 6 more months and a healthy child to hold in my arms.
I am right now about 12 weeks and so just a couple more before I will be in the second trimester and hopefully will have less of the unpleasant pregnancy side affects. Thank you all for your prayers for us and this little baby. I hope to be here a little more often once I get some energy back and enjoy the long summer days.
Have a good summer everyone!

So what to do about all that stuff?

(Found once again on "Story of Stuff" website)

Another Way

Many people who have seen The Story of Stuff have asked what they can do to address the problems identified in the film.

Each of us can promote sustainability and justice at multiple levels: as an individual, as a teacher or parent, a community member, a national citizen, and as a global citizen. As Annie says in the film, “the good thing about such an all pervasive problem is that there are so many points of intervention.” That means that there are lots and lots of places to plug in, to get involved, and to make a difference. There is no single simple thing to do, because the set of problems we’re addressing just isn’t simple. But everyone can make a difference, but the bigger your action the bigger the difference you’ll make. Here are some ideas:

10 Little and Big Things You Can Do

1. Power down! A great deal of the resources we use and the waste we create is in the energy we consume. Look for opportunities in your life to significantly reduce energy use: drive less, fly less, turn off lights, buy local seasonal food (food takes energy to grow, package, store and transport), wear a sweater instead of turning up the heat, use a clothesline instead of a dryer, vacation closer to home, buy used or borrow things before buying new, recycle. All these things save energy and save you money. And, if you can switch to alternative energy by supporting a company that sells green energy to the grid or by installing solar panels on your home, bravo!
2. Waste less. Per capita waste production in the U.S. just keeps growing. There are hundreds of opportunities each day to nurture a Zero Waste culture in your home, school, workplace, church, community. This takes developing new habits which soon become second nature. Use both sides of the paper, carry your own mugs and shopping bags, get printer cartridges refilled instead of replaced, compost food scraps, avoid bottled water and other over packaged products, upgrade computers rather than buying new ones, repair and mend rather than replace….the list is endless! The more we visibly engage in re-use over wasting, the more we cultivate a new cultural norm, or actually, reclaim an old one!
3. Talk to everyone about these issues. At school, your neighbors, in line at the supermarket, on the bus…A student once asked Cesar Chavez how he organized. He said, “First, I talk to one person. Then I talk to another person.” “No,” said the student, “how do you organize?” Chavez answered, “First I talk to one person. Then I talk to another person.” You get the point. Talking about these issues raises awareness, builds community and can inspire others to action.
4. Make Your Voice Heard. Write letters to the editor and submit articles to local press. In the last two years, and especially with Al Gore winning the Nobel Peace Prize, the media has been forced to write about Climate Change. As individuals, we can influence the media to better represent other important issues as well. Letters to the editor are a great way to help newspaper readers make connections they might not make without your help. Also local papers are often willing to print book and film reviews, interviews and articles by community members. Let’s get the issues we care about in the news.
5. DeTox your body, DeTox your home, and DeTox the Economy. Many of today’s consumer products – from children’s pajamas to lipstick – contain toxic chemical additives that simply aren’t necessary. Research online (for example, http://www.cosmeticsdatabase.com/) before you buy to be sure you’re not inadvertently introducing toxics into your home and body. Then tell your friends about toxics in consumer products. Together, ask the businesses why they’re using toxic chemicals without any warning labels. And ask your elected officials why they are permitting this practice. The European Union has adopted strong policies that require toxics to be removed from many products. So, while our electronic gadgets and cosmetics have toxics in them, people in Europe can buy the same things toxics-free. Let’s demand the same thing here. Getting the toxics out of production at the source is the best way to ensure they don’t get into any home and body.
6. Unplug (the TV and internet) and Plug In (the community). The average person in the U.S. watches T.V. over 4 hours a day. Four hours per day filled with messages about stuff we should buy. That is four hours a day that could be spent with family, friends and in our community. On-line activism is a good start, but spending time in face-to-face civic or community activities strengthens the community and many studies show that a stronger community is a source of social and logistical support, greater security and happiness. A strong community is also critical to having a strong, active democracy.
7. Park your car and walk…and when necessary MARCH! Car-centric land use policies and life styles lead to more greenhouse gas emissions, fossil fuel extraction, conversion of agricultural and wildlands to roads and parking lots. Driving less and walking more is good for the climate, the planet, your health, and your wallet. But sometimes we don’t have an option to leave the car home because of inadequate bike lanes or public transportation options. Then, we may need to march, to join with others to demand sustainable transportation options. Throughout U.S. history, peaceful non-violent marches have played a powerful role in raising awareness about issues, mobilizing people, and sending messages to decision makers.
8. Change your lightbulbs…and then, change your paradigm. Changing lightbulbs is quick and easy. Energy efficient lightbulbs use 75% less energy and last 10 times longer than conventional ones. That’s a no-brainer. But changing lightbulbs is just tinkering at the margins of a fundamentally flawed system unless we also change our paradigm. A paradigm is a collection of assumptions, concepts, beliefs and values that together make up a community’s way of viewing reality. Our current paradigm dictates that more stuff is better, that infinite economic growth is desirable and possible, and that pollution is the price of progress. To really turn things around, we need to nurture a different paradigm based on the values of sustainability, justice, health, and community.
9. Recycle your trash…and, recycle your elected officials. Recycling saves energy and reduces both waste and the pressure to harvest and mine new stuff. Unfortunately, many cities still don’t have adequate recycling systems in place. In that case you can usually find some recycling options in the phone book to start recycling while you’re pressuring your local government to support recycling city-wide. Also, many products – for example, most electronics - are designed not to be recycled or contain toxics so recycling is hazardous. In these cases, we need to lobby government to prohibit toxics in consumer products and to enact Extended Producer Responsibility (EPR) laws, as is happening in Europe. EPR is a policy which holds producers responsible for the entire lifecycle of their products, so that electronics company who use toxics in their products, have to take them back. That is a great incentive for them to get the toxics out!
10. Buy Green, Buy Fair, Buy Local, Buy Used, and most importantly, Buy Less. Shopping is not the solution to the environmental problems we currently face because the real changes we need just aren’t for sale in even the greenest shop. But, when we do shop, we should ensure our dollars support businesses that protect the environment and worker rights. Look beyond vague claims on packages like “all natural” to find hard facts. Is it organic? Is it free of super-toxic PVC plastic? When you can, buy local products from local stores, which keeps more of our hard earned money in the community. Buying used items keeps them out of the trash and avoids the upstream waste created during extraction and production. But, buying less may be the best option of all. Less pollution. Less Waste. Less time working to pay for the stuff. Sometimes, less really is more.

Spring has sprung!

A smile has been spreading across my face these past few days…after a few refreshing and thundering showers I now walk out to sunshine, a blue blue sky, and green, green everywhere! Lord, it is beautiful! There is something just awesome- as in awe inspiring- when spring finally comes…and why finally? I guess we all wait for it with hope and longing after a winter turns away from Christmas festivities and gaiety and in the hum-drum of everyday to-do lists, resolutions we strive to keep but sort of give up mid-January and the constant cold or cough we fight throughout February. Spring for me is afterall a new beginning for the earth! New buds, new birdies’ nest, new flowers and new hairdo J After all it should be a new beginning for us too as we start getting outside like sleepful but happy little bear cubs waking from their winter hibernation and looking forward to some fresh honey combs!

One thing I do not understand is why is a sprayed yard for ‘weeds’ better? Our yard, b/c it was contracted out to be sprayed in the front is a dull, ugly, sad pale yellow. It’s dead! Our neighbor’s yard might seem messy but I love it b/c it is GREEN! And it has these beautiful patches of wild flowers (that my husband says they are known as weeds….but they are much more interesting and beautiful to see in my opinion, at least they have color).

I keep thinking about things I want to do….take walks, bike rides, go to the lake, take pictures outside with my wonderful 21 month old, growing so big and smart, and also I day dream of bringing the beauty inside, capturing it and taking some treasures in there….fresh fruit grown from a farmers’ market, flowers and branches put in glass jars and vases in the house, sweet smelling breeze flowing through the house with with windows open wide to greet the fresh air. (If J-man can take it, since it seems that he might be fighting allergies right now, poor little man).

I am eager to enjoy this season. Where I live it doesn’t last very long till it gets pretty unbearably hot. I am at a coffee house while I write this and so thankful that they have chosen to open wide their windows and porch door and let in the cool night air. What a treat!

Enjoy your spring J

The Story of Stuff

There is a video Jon and I watched not too long ago. It's called "The Story of Stuff" and it talks about, well, stuff...the stuff we buy, get, throw away, buy again, throw out again...the stuff that is in our actict, basement or filling our entire garage. Stuff that is in our closets, under our beds and sinks. Stuff that just sits in our cars, homes...and stuff that gradually becomes our way of life. It's been a while now, but 'consumerism' has become more and more a 'hot topic' in our household, dh and I have nice long discussions about it, along with justice, non violence, environment, peace...well I could go on. But one reason 'consumerism' and materialism are so important is b/c it is so evident that we are very much embedded in it. And even more evident that as Christians, followers of Jesus, we are not only way off track like the rest of our american society, but that we are not even talking about it or doing anything about. It saddens me to think that there might be more non Christ followers out there leading the way to a life free of the stuff we create that ways us down, stuff that has no future and only clogs our earth, as well as minds and hearts. This goes along with taking care of God's earth. I believe it is 'awaiting' redemption just like Paul mentions in Romans, and like Jesus raised on the Third Day we are a seed that will become a living, physical plant, not just pure thought.

Know that this video is several minutes long, less than thirty though. It might set you on edge, make you worry and get this huge knot in your stomach and feel like it is the end of the world (like I admit it did me at first). But it isn't....plus as a Christian I don't worry....God's greater than all our messes, no matter how 'global' they are. But it is important to realize how greed can come back to hurt us and those we love and those we don't care for b/c they live far away in another country (or neighborhood or city). Slowly but surely I will find out what practical, everyday ways I can do to stop 'consuming' so much:
- I went to New Hope and though it took me two hours,I bought 9 nice shirts for 14$
- I reuse my bottles, and other plastic things to hold water or whatever I need. (If you do the math plastic water bottle is more expensive than gas...and in our part of the world it isn't necessary either).
- I am part of freecycle
- I am going to try and be kind to my clothes and wash them gently and dry them not on high heat so they will last.
- I will pray for God to free me from the inner green monster.
- I will go to the library for my basic needs first!(LOL)

I am sure there is more I could come up with but it is late! If any of you have ideas on how we can consume less and use more what we have, reuse and recycle in whatever way, please share!

For my sis El-- this is no charlotte

I thought I would share the picture of our in the garage guest, one we would never dare invite in our home. My sweet sis had a bad experience with one of these cool female insect species. Which is really interesting when you think how much El loves insects.
I still haven't made real peace with spiders and creepy crawlies, though with a little boy I need to start getting used to it. Just the other day we were at the chiropractor's and J-man and I watched as a black widow just like this descended down (from the safe OUTER side of the window) using her own thread. He was really captured by it. And then someone came from outside and just hit the spider down. All of the sudden I realized that for my little boy this wasn't a 'scary creepy crawly' but something that was moving and now was paralyzed. I think he was pretty affected for a while, until his attention was diverted by our visit with the chiro. I haven't thought about it too much. But for the first time I felt bad for a big black (creepy) spider. Why are spiders creepy? And if she is creepy, what am I? I wish I knew what J-man was thinking. I don't even know when I caught arachnophobia. I do know though that I wish i could believe in spiders like Charlotte, but my sister in law's experience just reinforced in me the desire to take off the sheets at night and inspect them for good before I retire for the day!

Tinkering around....

Okay...I just wrote a post and it dissaparead on me. I think it is too late to try and 'write' something smart, funny or just interesting enough. We have all been under the weather. Perennial colds are keeping us down and a little depressed these days. I keep hoping that spring will pop up. Or that at least I will get over not feeling great. I did some tinkering around as you can see and have a new template layout I got for free from the internet. And yes, I messed it up now some b/c I lost all the cool side things I had. That is what happens when you try and get creative and have no idea how to speak HTML.

I hope eveyrone else is surving this flu epidemic. That wasn't funny, some people have gotten seriously sick. But what I truly hope is that in spite of the weather and general health, we can all cozy up and love someone. I got to know how deeply I am loved and love my family. There is nothing like sharing the sickies to bring you close together and realize I am so blessed to have someone 'in sickeness' as well as in health.

Love and chicken soup to everyone.

Next week is Lent

I haven't grown up following any kind of church traditions, or a liturgical calendar (I think I was in my early 20s when I learned what liturgical meant!). Thanks to some friends (you know who you are!) and other experiences in my life I have come to sort of desire more ritual and a way to weave a tangible theme of faith in my everyday life. Now, I know there is more to this expression of faith, but as a very scatterbrained and disciplined-challenged person in general, I look at this expression of faith as a way of making it real without faking it, or without making myself fake feelings of thoughts I do not yet possess...but at the same time creating an atmosphere for growth and to express feelings and thoughts I pray and hope to have. I hope this made sense.

Anyhoot...Lent is next week. Ash Wednesday (and I do not know yet why it is called such) is next week. And I have decided to (drum roll please) ...... give up sweets. Yes, the nice sugary thing, especially the one entrenched in a dark brown coating or dripping with velvety smooth chocolate. And that is because I want, I pray to want even more, that every word of God be "sweeter than chocolate" (instead of honey) to me. That is my prayer. My prayer is simply this: Lord, please be real and close to me. I need to know you more.

I want to desire you more. More than chocolate!

Okay, battery is running out!
Sometimes techonology is unforgiving.

I will write more about it especially for the weeks to come!

Making peace with spiders

Last week I watched on my own, while J-man was down for his nap, the movie that was released last year I believe, based on E.B. White's novel: Charlotte's Web.

I cried! The tears were just streaming down my face without me realizing it. I got to read that book. I have forgotten that part of my childhood. I think this book is definitely meant not for children but most especially for grumpy and negative adults like I have been tending to be too often!

I think my mother might have read this book to me as a child, or perhaps she read part of it? Whichever the case I do know that when I was young and I, who have a tendency to dislike and even fear spiders, no matter how small and innocuous, crying out for her to "DO SOMETHING THERE IS A SPIDER!!!" and asking her to mercilessly kill it and take it away from my sight, she would just look at me with calm and determinations and say "Oh, let's not kill the spider...it might be Charlotte!"

And that will always make me stop and think...what a silly mother I have!!

But now, it is such a beautiful silly and fun memory of my mom. Though no spiders have come my way I hope to be able to say "Shalom to you, creepy crawly friend" and not think anything about it...Unless it is more CREEPY than friendly looking...I am going to have to work on this still guys..

Charlotte, I am so sorry. Please forgive me!

(very grateful indeed that no eight legged creature has come my way yet, especially after the episode my sister-in-law went through...being bit by a spider in HER own bed. And btw, Elle, when I was staying at your place for Thanksgiving, and you guys let us sleep in your bed...I had Jon check underneath the covers a couple of times!!!)

Sometimes you never know what you will find in an old magazine.

I happened to chance on some new year's resolutions of the staff of a magazine that I believe is no longer in print. One of the writers of this magazine wrote her new year's resolution like this:

"I resolve to indulge in my favorite things. I'll drink more coffee and eat more sweets. I'll have more fun, and be more fun. I'll gorge on friendly conversation and find creative ways to minister. My house will stay tumbled (so you'll feel comfortable dropping by) and I'll dress down, not up. I'll also wear less makeup. I'll thank God every day for my husband's laugh lines. I'll play and learn and smile more often."

Wow. What a, pardon the cliche', breath of fresh air.
Do you remember my new year's resolution from last year? Well...don't go back to read it. You can all imagine what it was: I will lose weight, read my Bible and pray more, finish my projects, do better, be more discipline, blah blah blah....Don't get me wrong. These are not bad things. I do want to exercise more, be healthy spiritually, mentally, emotionally. But is this the way to go all the time? And shouldn't just be a part of our everyday life? What is more important? When I go to Heaven, will God ask me how many chapters and verses I read per day? How does my spiritual bank look like? In fact, how do you tell when someone is 'spiritual'? Is the number of devotionals and bible readings he does per day? How about a healthy person? Is it how she looks on the outside?

Ok...so yes, I do want to look good, better, I want to feel good. I want it to be a good year for me and those around me and who I love. And a part of feeling good, is doing things that bring you joy. And that in turn can ripple over to others. Stop trying to live a better life and just living life as it comes.

So here is my new year's resolution:

I will read more, and I will read books I want to read, any kind. I may or may not finish them. I won't give myself a limit.
I will eat a dark chocolate.
I will drink tea and coffee.
I will communicate with friends worldwide on the internet and through the lost art of letter writing.

I will write more. And I won't care how much I write, how long and how repetitive it might sound.

I will believe in myself. I will seize the day. I will have confidence that I can do what I really want to do.

I won't worry about learning and doing this that I don't' care about just because that is what everyone else is doing.

I will listen to Italian music and read Italian books, and dream about my home country. I will talk with others, my son and husband, in Italian. I will also speak French with those who can.
But I wont' worry if I don't do it as much as I wish.

I will dress as I like. Neat and Informal and comfortable, no makeup or jewelry except my wedding band. Except if I want to. I won't worry about how I look. I will find ethnic clothes to wear for fun and think of God's great big world and how wonderfully diverse it is.

I will walk or dance for the fun of it! I will have dates with friends and my sister. I will travel and take opportunities to go down the unbeaten path.

I will laugh and have fun. I wont' be serious all the time. I will look through the eyes of my son.

Most of all, I want to be myself this year. And to do that I need to learn to accept myself and not be afraid of what others think or say.

So this year, my one and only true resolution is to be more accepting and graceful beginning with myself, and with the gifts, passions, ideas and dreams I was given. And for some reason, I think this is the only resolution I'll need and the one that will yield the most results for a full and fruitful life.

My Christmas gift!

I got a laptop! I am so so happy, now I can go and use internet and keep up with all my friends and update everyone else through cyber world (and look up recipes, tips, music, news, and books, books and more books!!!)
I am so excited about my own laptop. My sil got me a gift certificate to a local coffee shop, so I am set now :) I enjoy so much writing and reading and the internet offers ways to do that in real time and share it with everyone else, especially my loved ones an ocean away and more! I also am so thankful to my hubby, who purchased this nice used laptop (a good way to save money and be green!) and uploaded all kinds of nice programs, like picasa from google, open office (a free program that works like word), mozilla firefox (our favorite internet software)...and much more (I have all our pictures, and he also bookmarked my favorite websites, like amazon and NPR). And now one big more challenge I am ready to head on: we had bought a personal finance program, (Money 2007) and I am ready to take care of our finances and budget. I am the biggest spender (but not the way you think! Jon spends the largest sum on one thing, I spend smaller amounts on groceries, things for the house, for Jman, etc!!! LOL...okay, and on occasional coffees and cutsie stuff.)


I am thinking of giving a new look to my blog. I should be able to give it a nice 'face lift' to celebrate this new calendar year, with some expert help from computer savvy dh who is at home this week (yuppie! family time!...btw, dh did GREAT this past semester. It was very hard intense work, but it paid off, I am so PROUD of him!)

So thank you to my best friend and husband (and to my folks and grandparents who pitched in)! Now he won't have to hear me say "Honey, can I borrow your laptop?"

Christmas Prayer

Peace on earth and goodwill to everyone!

I had the pleasure to go to a Christmas eve service at the local episcopal church yesterday. I enjoyed singing the old Christmas carols, beautiful old hymns, which sung in a small sanctuary with a high ceiling that echoes the tunes is something to always be enjoyed and savored. The little place was packed and dh and I got to attend along with my precious friend K. who was in town and her mother. Several scriptures were read and we joined in the chorus of Amen, Peace be with you and Hear Our Christmas Prayer. There is something in the repetition, in the kneeling and standing, in the readings that engages not only my mind but it does indeed engage my heart and my senses. And I love the way their prayers, simple and beautiful prose, seem to encompass all that we truly should be about and stand for:

"Oh Lord, we pray for the needs of your whole world, for peace and justice on earth, for the mission and unity of the Church for which your Son gave his life. (...) O Lord, because you particularly love them, we remember in your Name the poor and helpless, the cold, the hungry, and the oppressed, the sick and those who mourn, the lonely and unloved, the aged, and little children, as well as all those who do not know and love the Lord Jesus Christ."

We took communion (which is always the highlight of the services generally) and at the end we prayed this prayer:

"Grant, we beseech you, Almighty God, that the words which we have heard this night with our out-ward ears, May, through your Grace, be so grafted in our hearts, that they may bring forth in us the fruit of good living to the honor and praise of your Name, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen."

Tidings of Comfort and Joy to you! May peace reign in your hearts!
Merry Christmas!

Taking Care of God's Green Earth

So last night dh and I finally saw An Inconvenient Truth.

One note: I know some are not fans of Al Gore. I won't discuss politics here. I am pretty neutral right now, but I did realize that the documentary was pretty politicized, since I guess, it was his movie.
I have also heard bad rep on him, as in that he has a huge house, that consumes more than four middle class homes together, something like that...let me just say this: that is really sad if it is the truth, and it is a shame, but we know there will be hypocrites. For example: that the church has a bunch of phonies is old news...but that does not diminish the truth about Jesus Christ.


That there are hypocritical politicians...that is definitely everyday news....but that we are excessive greedy people...that is still sadly the truth.

Since I was young, I remember talking about pollution, and its effects on nature, on ourselves, on our health. On our quality of life. Especially on our future. That pollution is bad, is a problem for the earth and for all humans has been know for decades. What have we done? It seems not much. Because it takes everyone to take action and to make changes.

Now that I have a child, for some reason, I feel even more strongly about taking care of the earth I live in. This home away from home. What legacy will I leave?

I think that for us modern rich westerners of the 21st century it is truly an 'inconvenient truth'...and I won't shy away from saying it is for all the business that make money off of unsustainable and polluting industries and technologies.

The equation is this: old habits x new technologies = unexpected and devastating consequences. In everyday popular media literature you will read all sorts of reviews about what is going on with climate change and other environmental concerns. But not so from scholarly journals, the ones that are reviewed by scientist and experts from all positions in life. Is there a change? Well...JRR Tolkien already realize that there was last century when he wronte The Lord of the Rings Trilogy! I might not sense it b/c I was born way past the industrial revolution (as all of us who are reading this of course)...and that is why it is inconvinient in so many ways. We need to learn ways that were not taught to us, we need to learn new healthier and moral habits about recycling, reusing, or just plain stop using. We need to change our patterns, and stop wasting, wasting, wasting our resources. We have so much, too much....cutting back wont' take away what we love, what we live for. I believe it will give back much much more. It will give back life, life for us, for the future generations, for the millions of people who are hurting because of our waste.

Mr. Gore, for all his faults, talks about morality, how it is an ethical, moral issue, this global warming, this pollution we are creating. What I have never understood is why Christians might think that this isnt' a moral issue, that it doesn't affect our lives as Christians. If we are hurting the earth, who are we hurting if not earthlings? Could we be hurting the heart, grieving the Spirit of God too? He created us, created the world....the heavens and the earth...

And it was good. Are we treating it as something good? Or are we taking so much advantage of it, just to profit, just to use and throw away?

There is nothing unChristian about it. I just wish we would take a greater stand. I am going to. Not because it is the cool thing to do. Because it is the right thing to do.

Here is one thing I have stop doing: using plastic bags at the grocery store, but bringing my own, and not using plastic bottles (or reusing the ones I have). Plastic is one of the most toxic waste we have, for it takes a very long time to disintegrate, and as it does it lets out a lot of bad chemicals.

Promises

As promised...I am going to write a little about Promises, the documentary movie made a few years ago about the war between Palestine and Israel...the conflict and the hatred, from the viewpoint of the children. This is not a exhaustive explanation of what is going on, why it is going on, for how long, how it has evolved, the issues, the problems, the treatise, politic games, etc. For that...there is the library (or the internet, though for a better understanding you should probably read something more historical and objective...something I have to do).

You learn so much more from children. They were just children...normal, transparent, played volleyball or ran, got upset if they didn't win, loved to tease, be silly, were curious, were shy, rode their bike...yet, they were different from children that are usually around me. They hated, perhaps even if not sure why, they hated those who were from the other side: Palestinian vs. Israelite. Perhaps hate is too strong a word, because honestly they didn't hate each other, they were mostly eager and curious to talk to one another...they hated the conflict, the war, the Palestinians felt like they had been kicked out, turned away from what they considered their very home, their own holy land. And of course the Israelites saw them as infidels, who had taken their promise land. I don't' know much about the promises for the Muslims from the Koran or Islamic tradition, but for the Palestinians, Jerusalem, that land is also promised to them. Promises, promises...

Some people have very strong opinions about this huge conflict, a conflict that as a white European descendant touches me very very little honestly. However, when I moved to the US I was startled a little to the one sided feeling I got here. I guess it is b/c of the history the US government has had with the founding of the new nation of Israel. And I honestly know very little about it so I won't discuss it until I at least further my knowledge on the subject.

But back to the children. The children are real. And the children are dealing with the grown-up world of constant attacks, violent revolts, military occupation, military protection, bombs, social restrictions and constraints....something I have never ever experienced, so even writing about it really doesn't sum up what they go through.

We get to see the world from the perspectives of both Israeli and Palestinian children. Some things they say are very strong, some things they say...or better, the questions they ask and the thoughts they come up with...are very hopeful I would say, because they show flexibility, they show readiness to move on.

Children are the future. Could we help these two countries, these two people, find some peace? some healing?


Here are the stars: Farai, Sanabel, Yako and Daniel, Moishe, Rachel, Malmoud, Shlomo, Ahmed and Motassim....who is who? They are all children, yet they live such different lives, just a few miles from each other.

The last words of Farai...crying, after meeting, playing soccer with, having fun being silly, being kids, with some Israeli kids (the only ones who wanted to and were allowed by parents-- watch that part of the doc!) who ventured for the first time (in history perhaps!) in a Palestinian camp, were these:

"All this will be in vain"

It broke my heart and I cried too. These children (now young adults...we saw some after videos..the documentary was nominated that year for the Oscars...they didnt' win:( ), these flesh and blood little people DO NOT WANT WAR...they don't' want to live with this conflict, this fear, to not be able to interact, to go into town, into the capital, to worry about the bus going to school blowing up, their friends, family, mother, father and sister and brother dying, being thrown into jail. But they are, they have...and they still deal with these things. They are everyday occurrences for them.

Peace is the hardest thing to win. But is it worth it? We don't know, because we are living it now and we take it for granted. Our freedoms. And the respect of freedom we have for each other (most times).

Farai now lives in the states. He is a refugee and he is getting (probably already has) his naturalization. He works (worked?) at Wal-Mart and was wanting to go to college.

He misses his family, but that is not were he wants to live. He doesn't' want the hate, the terror, or the factions.

For some reason I can't help but think of Romeo and Juliet...both of the same country, torn between power? between pride?


The cutest part of the movie was Rachel...it is closer in the beginning. Rachel is an Israeli girl and she is telling the cameraman what she will do when she is older, getting ready for the Sabbath with her family. And during the whole time she is trying hard to get some chairs that are topped on each other, unstuck...it takes about 8 minutes or so. It is so adorable.

Some of them have changed their views growing older. Most of them still don't like the other, of course...The worst part is that they are more like the adults now: they don't' have much hope for things to change. Main reason is that it is really hard to know what to do.

Peace. The hardest thing to win.