I started realizing lately how so much 'sadness' envelopes me when I focus on myself. But then I realize that is natural, that not focusing on yourself should be something you learn. But how do you learn it? How do you teach it? If being selfish is natural, how do you unlearn that way of being and become unselfish? If wanting to grasp life is what we do instinctively, how do we let go of it and stop clinging to it, and in the ultimate paradox, fine life therefore?
It occurred to me after listening to a Beth Moore bible class video recently that I read the Bible to see what it has to say to me, about me, how it relates to me. I forget that it is mostly about God, who He is, what He desires, what He loves, what He believes in. It isn't "The Holy Word according to yours truly"
I am also having a hard time finding God's direction for me in certain aspects of my life (what am I supposed to do with it, for example). I am going on this retreat soon with a friend, and I believe it is going to help me be quiet and wait for the Lord by offering me the time to do so. I am very hungry spiritually. But I am also struggling with being myself for the fear of hurting other people. Specific people. Or better yet for the fear of upsetting others, or what they are going to think about me...I am struggling with wanting to please others more than do what is right and pleases God. But sometimes it is hard because pleasing others can and often is pleasing God. Does anyone else struggle with this?
Sometimes I think, if I was older, all grown up, most of this stuff if not all wouldn't be an issue. But aren't I 'grown-up' enough now?
7 comments:
Yes me.
I struggle.
Yay for Beth!
Believe me, Miriam, I hear many women who are much older and men who are supposedly wiser struggling with the same issues. It's life, I think, and our decisions can help us make those choices more easily, but the choices never go away. I'm right there with you, and appreciate your sharing Beth Moore's words about reading the Bible as God's story rather than what it has to say to me. The world is bigger than us.
"I forget that it is mostly about God, who He is, what He desires, what He loves, what He believes in. It isn't "The Holy Word according to yours truly" "
Thanks. I needed to hear this. I love you.
After hearing Dallas Willard speak at a conference, I recently bought his book "Renovation of the Heart." I've only just begun it, so am commenting more from his talk than my reading, but I think his book is an attempt to say, "Yes. You can grow beyond this normal human selfishness. You can be transformed. And here are some ways to open the door to it...."
I think too often we are told we should grow in certain ways, but are not given tools (disciplines) for how to do the growing, for opening ourselves up to God's transforming Spirit.
As a piano teacher, it is not just my job to tell my students, "Play that more quietly." I have to teach them *how* to play quietly, and how to remember to notice when to play quietly.
I think too often the *how* of Christian living and maturing has been neglected (leading to guilt, or to an "I give up" tendency to settle for less-than-holy living), and I think spiritual disciplines are crucial.
And I think that's what this book is going to address, so in that hope I offer it to you and any readers as a possible ray of hope.
Hey, Miriam, I finally responded to your tagging me. It's on my blog.
Can't wait till the 19th!
Miriam,
I'm sorry I'm just now responding to your post on my blog. I would love to get together sometime! I'm sure I can dig your number up in a phonebook somewhere. We are not listed yet, but Nathan can be reached at the Bible department, or they can give you his number.
See you soon!
Jenni
I remember once talking with Jeff. Whatever I was talking about, I said, "I guess that's just natural, isn't it?" He nodded sympathetically and said, "Yes....and if it's natural, there's a good chance it isn't spiritual."
I think that's the first time I had heard anyone say that, or at least say it so compassionately that I saw hope, rather than condemnation or despair, in the idea.
Post a Comment