Different Seasons, different Christians

I am sharing this post from Mike Cope's blog. I have never met him nor hear him preach, that I can recall, but started reading his blog after finding a link to it from some other friend or acquaintance's blog. He has studied, preached and worked in my 'circle of heritage' (Harding University and the Churches of Christ). I have come to really enjoy his posts, especially since he seems to pinpoint issues pertaining to faith, religion, Christianity and American culture that I have also experienced or wrestled with. In this post about Summer and Winter Christians I saw my own journey and spiritual personality change, for I have been both summer and winter. I went from being a truly devoted Summer Christians (who, ashamed to say now, thought everyone who was not as 'summery' as myself as wrong and not a 'true believer'), to becoming a Winter follower, one that struggle to follow, love and forgive God after my very first and bitterest taste of tragedy and disappointment in life. Although I am not back to being Summer, and honestly I sometimes am sad, for I miss the un-entangled (not a word but I wish it were) joy, the unabashed emotions, the zeal and passion I had. I have often asked God to take me back to that, for I still struggle with that fear that my devotion, my love to Him is not enough or good enough unless I 'feel' that way. However, I am not as winter as I once was. No, I have been given lots of reason to sing for joy and gratefulness to God, my arms now filled, my heart now mending. Though there is still the ache and pain, it is hardly noticeble, for He has put a new song in my heart. I may not be able to say "God will do this" and I still struggle hearing Him, but I do hear Him in smaller, more ordinary ways: Be still, be patient, it's not about the big things alone. I am now, with the continual heart healing and cleansing, the changing of seasons, more of a 'in between 'Christian,' sometimes more like Fall, sometimes more like Spring. Nerveless, I hope we can all, winter summer and in between, learn to follow and adore God in unity and in respect and love for one another.